HOT!!! I’m always HOT. And sweaty. Clammy. Left eye bothering me. Runny nose. Feel weak. Run down. Left eye burning. Feeling tired. Feeling like shit. ALWAYS. I need to go to a doctor. What is wrong with me? This has lasted way too long. Killing myself. Can’t see anymore. Falling apart. Sore throat. Scratchy. Lack of energy. Lack of motivation. Am I in a depression again? Stomach grumbling. Ready to explode in a splattering of shit. Wipe my ass for twenty minutes. Left eye still bothering me. Need to squint. Getting old. Is this what happens? Alone. Always alone. Mom always alone. Doesn’t let anyone in. Laura opened me up. Plus all the psychologists and psychiatrists I have gone to over the years. Not to mention AA groups and detox centres and rehab centres and Toronto East Detention Centre and Mimico Correction Centre and Don Jail and drunk tanks. What a tormented mess my life has been. Where is the juice from all this bullshit??? Just sitting there. Brewing. Bubbling. I can’t believe society has fucked me over so much and yet I’m still functioning. STRENGTH AND COURAGE. NOTHING WILL STOP ME. WORDS CAN’T HURT ME. INVINCIBLE. BEEN BULLIED MY WHOLE LIFE. I AM ALIVE!!!!!!!
Horniness prevails. Young hot blonde in line at Starbuck’s. Can’t stop staring. I’m like a predator. Wait for the moment to look. Wait for the moment to strike. Nose about to run. Look like a wreck. Blonde bending down all over the place. Look. Look. Look. Have to go to work. Uniform. Uniformity. Conformity. Dumb useless rules made by dumb useless people. Minions. SHORT MINIONS. Guests want realism. Management want Shakespeare. PHONINESS trying to creep into my life. My life with the sore left eye. Run down. More pills. Horny at 9am. Interesting seeing all the people going to work at 8am. Robots. Safe. Secure. Do not criticize. Who cares? Let them be. Worry about myself. Worries. Worries. Worries. Worries. Procrastination. Fear. Finish screenplay. Finish novel. Let go and let loose. Play. Do not obey. Rules and opinions. Live for the now BUT DO NOT FORGET the past nor neglect the future. HOT CHICKS EVERYWHERE. Head pounding. Headache. Hope I don’t die young like Dad. Nose running. Me picking. Laura yelling. When was the last time I was healthy? BRAIN HEMORRHAGE??? FREE. FREEDOM. FREEDOM TO LIVE. Want to fuck everything I see BUT WILL NOT HURT LAURA. REAL LOVE. Never had this before. We will grow old together…with our baby. We will survive. We will flourish. ENJOY LIFE. HAVE FUN. GROW. Chinese chicks. I’m horny for everything. Picking my nose all day. Flabby belly. Ingrown hairs on neck. Balding. Hairy. Sweaty. Wrinkles. Zits. I’m attractive?
notanotherphony. 