Jack Tait seeks revenge.

Jack Tait sits on a reclining chair on the top of a mountain in the middle of Antarctica sipping on his glass of red wine and asks himself, “is there anything better in this world than fucking a woman for the first time?”  he waits for an answer but none will come for he is alone.  has been for the last forty years.  at the age of twenty Jack Tait went on a killing spree on Yorkville Avenue in Toronto and by the time he was finished he had murdered forty-seven fake but semi innocent assholes.  he gunned them down with his 45 calibre shotgun that he purchased at a corner store in Detroit.  Jack Tait then hopped on his tricycle and rode north.  he periodically stopped at hamburger joints and coffee shops but did not take a shit.  he was worried about his Mom who was dying of aids but he needed to get away and get away he did.  the ride to Antarctica took three hundred and eighy-five days.  he fucked three hundred and twenty one girls on his trip up north.  he never used a condom.  he never blew his load.  Jack Tait has no more sperm left.  he is sixty years old and all dried up.  he doesn’t believe in marriage because he knows he will cheat.  he knows that, biologically, it is impossible for men to stay with one woman for the rest of their lives.  people do but it is forced.  “I LOVE YOU” is the most overused term in the English language but it has never been used by Jack.  Jack hates people.  Jack hates religion.  Jack hates dogs.  Jack hates facebook.  Jack has escaped and now he waits.
  it is cold.  it is snowy.  it is windy.  Jack whistles “99 Bottles of Beer On a Wall.  99 Bottles of Beer.”  he is lonely.  he is sad.  he is mad.  he is hungry.  he is horny.  he is tired.  he is alive…barely.  he hears gunfire in the distance but one thing Jack is not is scared.  Jack lost his fear many  years ago when the altar boy at his church took poor Jack into a back room and jerked him off until his penis began to bleed.  Jack screamed but once again no one answered.  Jack has a beard. 
  Jack sits and waits.  he knows that the assholes will arrive at some point.  his love of people has long since retired.  he tried on many occassions to love but no one loved back.  not even his family.  Jack looks at his bloodied hands and wonders just how much longer he has left to live.  he knows that heaven does not exist and this is why he never wants to die.  he knows that each day he is closer to death and each day he feels more beaten down.  more weathered.  more wrinkled.  he pulls out his penis and attempts to jerk off.  it is too cold.  Jack decides to run instead.  he looks down the mountain and yells, “GERONIMO!!!!!!!!!!!!”  he then begins to run.  and run.  and run.  he is sweating.  he is panting.  he wonders if he should have taken yoga when he was younger.  he makes it halfway down the mountain when he suddenly comes across HIM.  the judge.  the almighty one.  the lizard brain.  the nag.  the rat.  the bat.  the altar boy.  Jack stares.  the altar boy stares back.  Jack is cool.  Jack is tough.  Jack is a man.  the altar boy is meek.  the altar boy is a geek.  the altar boy is a freak.  the altar boy smiles.  he is a grown man now but is wearing braces.  Jack Tait picks his nose and flings the snot at the altar boy’s face.  the altar boy is frozen.  he does not move.  WHACK.  there is now a big green piece of snot on his cheek.  he smiles at Jack.  shiny braces looking shiny.  Jack wishes he had a baseball bat.  the altar boy pulls down his pants and reveals a HUGE two inch penis with bright red pubic hair.  Jack looks down at it.  he laughs.  and laughs.  and laughs.  he won’t stop laughing.  a grizzly bear arrives and stares at Jack and the naked altar boy.  the altar boy begins to cry and screams, “I LOVE YOU JACK.  I LOVE YOU.  WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME BACK???”  the grizzly bear turns around and walks away.  the altar boy walks toward Jack.  Jack is frozen.  the altar boy grabs Jack’s hand and asks for forgiveness.  Jack responds,  “I NEVER FORGIVE AND I CERTAINLY NEVER FORGET.  I WILL FUCKING EAT YOUR TWO INCH PENIS AND THEN SPIT IT INTO YOUR FUCKING MOUTH YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITICAL LITTLE FAGGOT!!!”  Jack never liked to use the word “faggot” but sometimes he did.  the altar boy tried to remove his hand but Jack stopped him from doing that.  he twisted his arm and flipped naked altar boy to the ground.  he looked the altar boy in the eye and started eating the flesh off of his face and then forcing it into his mouth.  blood everywhere.  he semi worried about aids but this fuelled his rage even more.  he grabbed the altar boys head and began smashing it off the hard icy ground.  blood.  blood.  and more blood.  Jack knew that this was a vicious scene but he could not help himself.  this altar boy ruined his life.  Jack finished his savage beating.  coyotes howled.  Jack got up.  huffing and puffing.  sweating.  the altar boy lying on the ground beaten and in a pool of blood.  Jack screamed, “HELLO!!!  HELLO!!!  HELLO!!!  COME OUT.  COME OUT.  WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!”  he was not finished what he set out to do.  find and kill everyone that has done him harm and made his life one fucking living fucking angst ridden HELL.  old greek man was next on his agenda.  old greek man sexually molested Jack when he was eighteen.  he had been hitchiking one morning after a drunken binge had left him at some remote home in the middle of farm country and was picked up by an old greek man in a shitty old car.  the old greek man had shitty greek classical music playing on the radio and he pretended he was a religious man.  while pretending to be religious he began rubbing Jack’s small penis.  over.  and over.  and over again.  small penis turned HUGE very quickly.  Jack Tait was frozen.  still is.  as Jack sat frozen and confused the old greek man opened up Jack’s shorts and pulled out his throbbing HUGE penis.  he stroked as he drove.  he stroked and stroked and stroked the whole time saying, “you big.  so big.  so nice.  so big.  so nice.”  even old greek perverted man who molested poor Jack Tait knew that size does matter.  FUCK EVERYONE WITH A SMALL PENIS.  Jack frozen.  old greek man continued.  harder and harder.  “Nice.  so nice.  so big.”  old greek man drove up and down hills while his right hand was on poor Jack’s penis.  one last stroke and Jack Tait exploded a big gob of white stuff all over old greek man’s hand.  all over the seat.  one big white creamy mess.  “WHAT HAPPENED?  WHY YOU GO SO FAST.  YOU GO TOO FAST!!!”  greek man was enraged.  what a fucking hypocrite.  Jack afraid and still.  sad and lonely.  life filled with shame.  Jack looked out the passenger window.  lost.  old greek man stopped yelling and drove Jack to the nearest town and dropped him off.  Jack Tait opened the door and said, “thank you.” 
  now Jack is old and bitter.  angry and ruthless.  hate without a conscience.  Jack just realized that he left his tricycle at the top of the mountain.  “FUCK THAT FUCKING USELESS FUCKING TRICYCLE.  I SHOULD HAVE TRADED THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN FOR A TEN SPEED A LONG FUCKING TIME AGO!!!”  Jack starts running again.  age has caught up to him.  he huffs and he puffs.  he can’t blow a fucking thing down.
  Jack Tait slows down.  he now walks methodically towards the remote area he once stood with his right thumb out.  it takes him six hundred and ninety two days.  he didn’t fuck a single pig.  a single girl.  he stroked his penis once a day for good luck.  each day he is one day closer to relief.  closer to revenge.  closer to death.  life filled with irony.  Jack Tait hasn’t seen a mirror in ten years.  he doesn’t need one.  he arrives at his destination.  it is summertime.  Jack is hot.  even without clothes on.  he is severely burnt from the sun.  scabbed.  he should be a movie star but now all the fucking assholes of the world want to see pretty little boys and pretty little girls pretend to act.  FUCKING PEASANTS!!!  Jack walks into the beer store and grabs a two-four of Lowenbrau.  Jack Tait has taste.  he carries the two-four on his shoulder and begins to walk back towards the remote area he was picked up by old greek man.  he opens his case and drinks a beer.  “FUCK EVERYONE.”  Jack walks.  Jack drinks.  he is still naked.  he finally arrives at the exact location he was once picked up by old greek man.  he places his two-four on the ground and sits beside it.  he watches all the cars pass by.  some speeding.  some putting.  some honking.  Jack doesn’t give a shit about any of them.  he drinks.  he sits.  he wishes he had some wine but he is also tired and wine might put him to sleep.  Jack smiles and plays with all the gravel rocks on the soft shoulder.  he looks up and sees two young kids walking towards him.  Jack smiles.  “fuck you old man.”  they laugh and walk away.  Jack begins laughing hysterically.  he knows that these two geeky boys will never get laid…maybe once…and then get married and waste their whole fucking lives away like the pansy assed twerps they are.  so Jack laughs.  he doesn’t fight.  he knows that life is filled with sad boys who cannot “fuck.”  they can make love but who can’t? 
  Jack waits.  waits.  waits.  he begins humming The End by The Doors.  he thinks of his dying Mom and ponders the notion that maybe he wasted his life away.  Jack wakes up the next morning.  then the next morning.  and the one after that.  Jack Tait waited for four more years at that same spot.  he got older.  he got hairier.  he got drunker.  he got dirtier.  he periodically jerked off.  he periodically took a shit and he periodically screamed, “I HATE YOU.  I FUCKING HATE YOU.  I FUCKING HATE YOU.  I FUCKING HATE YOU.  I FUCKING HATE YOU…don’t die.  don’t die.  don’t die.  don’t die.  don’t die.  don’t die Mom.”  Jack Tait cried.  lonely.  sad.  naked.  lost.  hungry.  angry.  afraid.  thirsty.  old.
  the old greek man never did come.  he probably died twenty years ago.  he was old back when he molested Jack Tait.  he was old and sad.  Jack Tait was too.  Jack Tait looks up.  naked.  he sees a beautiful twenty-one year old girl coming towards him.  he pops a boner and stands up to greet the girl.  he smiles.  she smiles back.  Jack Tait has never been so horny.  “Hi Dad.”  Jack Tait is stunned.  he stops.  his boner shrinks.  he stares at this beautiful girl.  he cries.  she cries.  they hug.  and hug.  and hug.  and hug.  “I hope you never die Dad.  I love you,”  his daughter says.  “I love you too.”
  It begins to rain.