fony fucks fornicating on facebook (i know that fony is spelled with a ph).

i woke up with a pounding head and immediately jerked off.  blew my load into my left hand and then transported into my right and flushed it down the sink.  still had a pounding head.  i grabbed my hunk of shit blackberry and took a “selfie” of me standing naked but sucking in my cheeks to make the illusion that i was a model.  i am not.  i am real though.  i then looked at my bank account and saw forty one dollars.  i grabbed a beer and sat down on the couch.  jerked off once more.  then i did a facebook post telling everyone how great i am because everyone really cares.  after that i ate an egg but before i ate that little brown egg i took a picture of it and then posted it on my facebook wall.  head still pounding.  i took an advil and then had two coffees.  i took a big sloppy yellowy brown shit and used a whole roll of toilet paper to wipe my ass.  before flushing i took a picture of it and posted it on my facebook wall.  i then flushed the toilet but it flooded.  yellowy brown shit and water mixed in with toilet paper all over the floor.  another quick pic and then posted it on my facebook wall.  i checked my messages on my shitty blackberry and there weren’t any.  i tossed a whole pile of cold water on my face and then looked in the mirror.  i looked like shit and felt even worse so i went onto my facebook wall and proclaimed how happy and beautiful i am.  i also told everyone how talented i am and how much money i have but it’s really my mom’s and dad’s money as deep down i am a useless human being.  i posted a picture of the dirty lake and posted it on facebook telling everyone that i am living in a penthouse suite in a really ritzy building.  it is actually a hunk of shit building filled with dope dealers and pitbulls and noisy assholes and dog shit everywhere but i want everyone to love me.  even if the love is phony.  i am phony but i am not even sure if i know that i am phony because all of my friends are phony and i have never had to live a real life in my whole life.  life is fun and games.  until i get old and then it is filled with depression and anger and sadness but i am too dumb to think that far ahead.  i have only read one book in my life and that is 50 shades of grey.  i jerked off for the third or fourth time and then posted a pic of my semen.  it was white and gooey.  i then went out for a phony lunch with phony friends at a phony eatery that serves miniscule portions but charges astronomical prices.  i post all of the wonderul pictures immediately on my facebook wall and get a whole pile of phony assholes to hit like and tell me how handsome or pretty i am.  i have never seen a real movie filled with real emotions and therefore i cry when i watch titanic.  “is that a true story?”  i search for shitty tv shows to hide from my shitty life but decide to take another “selfie.”  i go to my closet and put on my most beautiful dress or suit and suck in my cheeks again and take another “selfie” and then have a shower.  i also sip some champagne.  i know it tastes like a dog’s ass but i have seen p diddy drink it so i know it is cool.  i take a pic of my champagne glass and post it on my wall.  WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO BEFORE FACEBOOK???
  I “make love” and pretend it is good and then i immediately have a shower because i need to look pretty.  who am i and why am i writing this?  i search through cosmo and other useless magazines and see all of the hot celebrities and wish i could hang out with paris hilton.  “OMG I WOULD JUST DIE IF I COULD SPEND ONE NIGHT WITH KIM KARDASHIAN!!!”
  i grab a humongous bottle of wine and chug it down and thank the lord winifred nelson that i am real in a world filled with phonies.  good night.