sometimes Jack misses his Dad.

tick tock.  tick tock.  tick tock.  life going by too quickly.  stuck.  sad.  old.  angry.  tired.  lonely.  regretful.  life is meant to be lived.  we are meant to love.  to create.  to inspire.  to have fun.  to console.  to hug.  Jack Tait is stuck.  he can’t get out.  he can’t change.  periodic bouts of running and eating healthy end with disappointment and stomach aches so Jack goes back to booze and masturbation.  steaks and fries.  even the odd hot dog and pizza.  Jack Tait will die old and alone.  he wishes he could turn back time but he can’t.  choices you make when you are young come back to haunt you when you are old.  fact.  so Jack Tait lives on.  the best way he can.  he looks in the mirror and can no longer pretend that he is young filled with hopes and dreams.  his grandparents have died but he didn’t know them.  his Dad has died.  he hardly knew him.  his Mom is alive but only “kind of” knows her.  and once she dies he knows that he is next.  “why is life filled with pain, frustrations, sadness, and only periodic bouts of joy?”
  Jack Tait looked into his old hockey bag and pulled out a large book filled with old pictures of his Mom and Dad.  his brother.  his Nana.  his friends.  his aunts, uncles, and cousins.  he started crying.  and crying.  and crying some more.  he looked up to the sky but no one was there.  he threw on a toque and walked nakedly for 98 km’s in the blistering cold to his Dad’s gravesite.  he entered but snow covered the grass.  covered the tombstones.  Jack didn’t know where to begin but he began.  he found an old shovel in a deep ditch and started shovelling and scraping snow.  he was cold but determined.  he would not stop even when his one nut told him to.  Jack scraped and dug.  lifted snow and threw.  three hours passed.  nothing.  Jack continued.  he huffed and puffed and he would have blown a house down.  but he wanted his Dad.  still does.  he misses him.  he has missed him for fifty years.  Jack continued.  scrape.  shovel.  dig.  and throw.  over and over.  time passing quickly.  always too quickly and then BOOM.  he found it.  he scraped it.  he kissed it.  he sat on it.  he wouldn’t leave.  ever.  he wanted to dig the ground and sit in the hole with his Dad…forever.  but he knew that his Dad was now just bones.  Jack shivered and cried.  “DAD…I LOVE YOU…I MISS YOU…I AM SO CLOSE TO YOU…YOU ARE THE GREATEST…I HOPE YOU ARE OKAY…”
  Jack Tait continued to sit while the snow continued to come down.  Jack continued to cry while life continued on.  everything continuing except Dad’s life.  NOT FAIR.  CRUEL.  NO ANSWERS.  EVER.  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY? WHY?  WHY?  WHY?
  Jack Tait is a loving human being with one nut.  he sat alone…with his dead Dad and it continued to snow and then it got dark.  Jack stayed awake. and cried.