my one life.

another year.  now thirty six years since my Dad died.  I was ten at the time.  now I’m forty-six.  time flies when you’re having fun.  I am tired and bored.  dull and restless.  drunk but functioning.  want to fuck but there are no options.  Nicole is asleep and angry.  I listen to Leonard Cohen instead.
  I pour a glass of wine and have a drink.  tired.  bored.  drunk.  angry.   scared.  emotions and thoughts ruining my meaningless life.  if I was depressed I would drive a car into my garage and turn it on.  I am not depressed nor do I have a garage.
  Canadians are dull.  the leaders are dull.  the system is dull.  the awards shows are dull.  I drink a bottle of red wine and read a book about boredom.  I want to fall asleep but can’t.  torture always prevalent.  I look outside and see snow.  I see smoke.  I see dogs.  lots of dogs.  I close my blinds and continue reading.  I grab another bottle of wine and take off my clothes.  I look in the mirror and suck in my gut.  I fling my penis around and it grows.  my balls stay the same.  left nut sagging down more than my right.  I think about life and death and also think about time and how quickly it goes.  I then take a deep breath and sit down on the floor.  I begin to laugh but quickly begin to cry and then even more quickly begin to scream, “leave me alone.  leave me alone.  for fuck sakes leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
  blood starts pouring down my face as my right hand digs into my right temple.  I scratch and scratch but can’t capture the dull maggot that sits on my right temple.  he is quicker than I thought.  I then grab a knife and stab my right temple.  blood gushing out quicker.  redder.  screams become louder.  maggot still not hurt.  not touched.  frustrated and in pain I go to the kitchen and open the freezer.  grab the acid that was sitting on a bed of ice and open the lid.  I then pour it all over my red bloody face.  “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  I screamed loudly.  my face burning.  blistering.  shivering.  bleeding.  “what is wrong with me???”
  I look for the maggot but he must have left.  I look in the mirror and see blood.  skin.  bones.  and blisters.  unrecognizable.  why was that maggot such a pest???  I put on a pot of coffee and jump in the shower.  The water was hot and I screamed, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH”.
  I then thought of all the blood that I had seen in my life.  my blood.  my Dad’s blood.  my Mom’s blood.  my brother’s blood.  friend’s blood.  girlfriend’s blood.  one night fuck’s blood.  random strangers blood.  Nicole’s blood.  And finally Rylee’s blood.  I live in a world filled with blood and boredom.  I stick my head in the freezer and fall asleep.  the next morning I wake up and have a slight cold.  I look outside and smile.  another new day.  hopes and dreams once again.
  “bang.  bang.  bang.  bang.  bang.  bang.  bang.”  bullets come straight through my balcony window and right into my temple.  the fuckers finally succeeded.  the peasants won.  the peasants always win.  I lay in a pool of blood.  alone.  sad.  naked.  tired.  and ultimately bored.  even in death I find the boredom.  then I closed my eyes and closed my life.  my one life.