Jack Tait is Jewish with a Yiddish Soul.

Jack Tait, after hours of boredom and debauchery, jumped on his blue tricycle and pedalled his way over to the rich and snooty Hills Of Fuckwaters Racquet and Fisher Price Toys Club.  He locked his bicycle outside on a tree and walked calmly and drunkenly into the club.  the automatic doors opened up and Jack walked in.  He hoped for the young hot girls behind the counter but instead got the old and haggard girls (women).  LIFE FUCKING SUCKS!!!
Jack Tait took off his brown socks and walked toward the changeroom.  he first grabbed a “workout towel”.  He entered the changeroom and found an empty locker.  he took off his clothes and put on his running clothes.  while changing,  a crotchety looking man walked towards Jack.  he moved out of the man’s way for Jack did not want to fight.  he was tired.  he was hungover.  he was kind.  he used his mind.  the crotchety man walked by and didn’t say “thanks.”  Jack was pissed but he had bigger fish to fry.  his racing mind.  he closed his locker but didn’t lock it because he didn’t want to pay the extra ten bucks a month for a lock.  FUCKING SCAM BY THE RICH FUCKING PRICKS THAT OWN THIS FUCKING CLUB!!!
Jack jumped on the treadmill and ran for 40 minutes.  reciting lines that were in his mind.  watching a very built man that looked like a cop doing sit-ups.  “I should do sit-ups.”  Jack said as he continued to run at his slow speed.  CP 24 on the television that he never looked at.
Periodically the crotchety man walked by.  Jack looked but saw nothing but meekness.  nothing but geekness.  Jack was now sweating and farting at the same time.  forty minutes ended forty minutes later and Jack pressed STOP on the screen.  he then walked over to the window and stretched.  he also drank some water.  he then walked back to the changeroom.  he stopped by the front desk to see if the young hot girls had replaced the old run down women but NO.  he continued to walk.  head down.  Jack Tait arrived at his locker and took off his sweaty clothes.  he then put his towel around his one ball and big saggy penis.  he walked towards the steamroom.  he opened the door and saw two men sitting down.  no steam.  one of the men was the old crotchety man that Jack didn’t want to fight earlier.  he sat down beside him but the man didn’t really make an effort to move his legs.  Jack boiling inside but smiling on the outside.  Jack grabbed the squeegee that people use to wipe off the sweaty water that is on the benches that people sit on.  that people shit on.  Jack wiped the sweaty water towards the old crotchety man.  Jack becoming ballsier.  angrier.  FUCK EVERYONE.
Jack then politely asked the crotchety man if he could spray water on the temperature gauge.  the other man had already left.  the old crotchety man said, “I don’t think you’re allowed to do that?”  Jack laughed and looked at the man.  “what grade are you in?” 
“Grade?  I’m a grown man?
“You sound like an eight year old boy.  grow some balls old man and watch me pour water over the furnace.”
‘Okay if it will create steam.  otherwise what are we here for?”
“Very true.”  Jack responded.
Jack sprayed the furnace and steam came flying out.  lots of steam.  sweating.  stretching.  and then talking.
old crotchety man beginning the conversation.
“are you from around here?”
“yes, I live in Orangeville but grew up in Unionville and then met my wife in Toronto.  where are you from old crotchety man?”
“I’m originally from North York.  my parents still live there.  but now we own a farm in East Garanthxa something.”
“Nice.  we want to own a farm.  land.  fires.  coyotes.”
“Yeah, it is amazing.”
“Nice.  where in North York are you from?”
“Bathurst and Sheppard.”
“Cool.  I went to school in Thornhill.”
“What’s your name?”  asked old crotchety man who is now being nice.
“Jack…Jack Tait.”
“Scottish?”
“Yeah…Scottish and Irish.”
“What’s your name?”  asked Jack.
“Morty…Morthy Kloserneck.”
“What is your background?”
“I’m Jewish.”
“But where are you from?  Poland?”
“No.  Russia.”
“Cool…I’m hot.  Need to get out soon.”
“For sure.”
“So what do you do?”  asked Jack.
“I’m a high school teacher but also a magician and I even do weddings.  I will give you my card.”
“Very interesting Morthy.”
“yes it is.  at school I get yelled at all day by bratty students so the magician thingy and the marriage thingy is a nice break.  people like me.”
“very interesting.”
“yes it is.”
more sitting.  more sweating.  more stretching.  more drinking.  Jack wished he had a beer at this moment but all he had was water.  piss water.
“Do you have any Jewish in you Jack?”  asked Morthy.
“What do you mean?”
“I can guarantee if you checked your family tree that you are Jewish.”
“Why do you think I’m Jewish Morthy?”
“You have a Yiddish soul.”
“what does that mean?”
“You are open.  you are spontaneous.  you use your hands a lot and your beard.  I can guarantee that you are Jewish from way back.”
“interesting.”  said Jack as he covered up his uncircumsized penis and one ball.
Jack stood up and left the hot and steamy steamroom.  so did Morthy.
Jack went to his locker and opened it up.  it smelled like old socks and bad sweaty body odour.  Jack Tait sat down and drank some more piss water.  he eventually put on his clothes.  his face red and sweaty.  he walked toward the exit and saw Morthy.  he said “bye.”  Morthy said “bye” back and they all exited toward the front area where the shoes were.
Jack sat down.  so did Morthy and his 22 yr old son.
Jack put on his boots while sweating and red and Morthy continued to talk to him.  he told him about his younger son’s ( 20 yrs old ) struggles with life and his disappointment in him.  he asked Jack Tait if he could help him.  Jack Tait…the drunk.  the one nut.  the pig.  the busy mind.  the foggy soul and foggy eyes.  Jack Tait felt important for one second.  he discussed childhood and friendships and parental responsibilities and art and freedom and sucking and fucking every single thing that comes close to him and then Morthy smiled and said “you are Jewish Jack.  Don’t forget that you are Jewish.”  they all walked out.  new people.  new friends.  new acquaintances.  new opinions and new hope.  Jack Tait jumped on his blue tricycle and rode home.  his Jewish beard flowing in the cold and wintry Orangeville wind.
Jack Tait is friendly.  Jack Tait is sad.  Jack Tait is open.  Jack Tait is mad.  Jack Tait is bad.  Jack Tait is a Dad.  Jack Tait does not want to die.  Jack Tait does not want to leave Taylor and Chloe alone.  Ever.  “I still can’t believe my Dad died when I was 10 and he was only 36.  my Mom must have been devastated.  she still is.  maybe she needs a hug.  a talk.  life is too short.”
Jack Tait is Jewish with a Yiddish Soul.  Heart and Soul in a cold world.