Jack Tait rides in fear and rides in shame.

Jack Tait woke up again.  after years of heavy drinking and heavy shitting he woke up with less anxiety and more hope.  he felt hope was better than fear even though he still lived in his remote farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.  saddled with guilt and saddled with shame.  even saddled with love but saddled with pain.  Jack Tait woke up and attempted to, once again, make something of his depressing life.  sixty years of failure beginning to weigh on Jack’s shoulders he decided enough was enough and he rode his blue tricycle down to the local psychiatrist’s office.  he wanted answers on his life.  on his pain.  he wanted connection and trust in a connectionless world.  a trustless world.  he knew he was smart.  he knew he was talented.  he even knew he was kind.  he knew he was almost blind.  a big heart and a big mind.  a big mind riddled with fear.  riddled with anxiety.  Jack Tait was once a fucking machine.  he was once a drinking machine.  he was even, once, a very gifted athlete with a gifted future.  but now he rides in fear and he rides in shame.  he needs help and he finally acknowledges it.  he doesn’t watch shit television like the rest of the sad souls but he is depressed nonetheless.  he listens to bad music and watches beautiful leaves filled with beautiful colours flying aimlessly in the beautiful sky.  he even rides his blue tricycle daily.  a man searching for answers on his complicated life.  life quickly passing him by.  his former friends retiring while poor Jack Tait is looking for his career.  his purpose in life.  a one balled man fighting the tough fight but losing too often.  life not standing still.  it never does.
  Jack Tait arrived at his psychiatrist’s office and jumped off of his blue tricycle.  his one ball almost getting pinned up against the handlebars.  he leaned his tricycle against the brown bricked building and slowly walked into Dr. Chiu’s office.  he told the hot secretary that he had arrived even though he knew that she saw him arrive.  he sat on a chair and looked around the room.  he saw thirty one people waiting to see Dr. Chiu.  all sad.  all depressed.  all hopeful for something better but all resigned to a world of pain and a world of shame.  Jack Tait calmly stood up and walked out of the room and then screamed, “heeeeeeeeeeeeeelp Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need you to help me.  I am lost.  I am sad.  I am bored.  I am worried that my life will be considered a lost and wasteful life.  I wish you didn’t die and that you were around to guide me…I have no direction.  I never did.  I thought that it would magically appear as I got older but it is getting worse.  all I want to do is drink and fuck.  what is wrong with me Dad?  I miss you sooooooo much.  Can you hear me or no?  Is it all just a lie Dad?  Bye…your son…I was once your son.  I never have made you proud.  Bye Dad.”  Jack quickly jumped on his tricycle and rode home.  he rode past McDonald’s.  he rode past Starbuck’s.  He even rode past A&W.  he was once a kid with hopes and dreams but he is now a man who rides in fear and rides in shame.  a sixty year old man wanting life to be better and doing all he can but his brain just will not cooperate.  a once happy man.  now a sad man with wrinkles and a purple tongue.  Jack Tait rode and rode and rode and did not stop until his brain slowed down.  he ended up in Tuscon, Arizona with a new friend.  well…an old friend who he missed very much through his twenties, thirties, forties, and fifties but has now found.  “I missed you Wayne.  we had lots of great times together.  glad we re-connected.”  and with that Jack Tait was happy again.  Life renewed.  human connection always winning out over self help books and fake caring psychiatrists.  Jack Tait is still guilt, shame, and anxiety ridden but he found a long lost friend and that has put a smile on his weather beaten face.
Moral of the story…connect with human beings.  we all want love and we all want acceptance.
the other moral…LIFE IS SHORT.