the saddest part about getting old is the notion or fact that I have now somewhat figured out life and what I need to do to thrive. to be alive. to drive. to live life to it’s fullest. to love and dream and play and scream. to embrace everything that this beautiful world has to offer but my body is beginning to let me down. I have a never ending supply of energy but my body is beginning to crumble after fifty years of use. half of that time has been filled with abuse. abuse to my mind. my soul. my body in for the ride but the ride has been filled with broken bones. shattered dreams. from torn ligaments in both ankles to torn ligaments in both wrists. knee surgeries. broken nose. broken collarbone. numerous concussions. damaged eye. tendinitis in my elbows and tendinitis in my Achilles heel. broken fingers. broken toes. stitches all over my face. and now I wait for the arthritis to settle in. oh how I look forward to my next ten years. next twenty years. hopefully next thirty years. my elder years when I can no longer calm my mind with exercise. when I need to sit with my busy brain and heavy thoughts. open heart. open soul. a man with an over abundance of energy and the knowledge and will to move forward and fulfill his life gets taken down by a washed up body. FUCK ME!!! how cruel life can be. how amazing life can be. life is beautiful in it’s simplicity. good food. good conversation. good wine. great friends. connection always lacking but nobody to blame but myself. mindfulness finally awakening but body deteriorating. libido still strong. balding. married. one daughter. one man in a house with two women. hormones. emotions. irrational behaviour. not listening one minute. too loud the next. then loving. smiling. laughing. am I crazy? have I always been crazy but now through mindfulness I am realizing this? is it me? them? you? my Mom sits in her lonely house all alone. my brother sits in his house surrounded by kids. a wife. Paul bernardo sits in a lonely jail cell. karla homolka plays in parks in Quebec. oj simpson is in vegas taking selfies. he is supposedly close to finding the killers of his wife and her friend. where is Kato Kaelin? Judge Lance Ito? Johnny Cochran dead. Mark Fuhrman in hiding. Bin Laden supposedly dead at sea but zero confirmation. Larry Nasser sexually abuses over one hundred young girls but the masses more interested in the allegations against Harvey Weinstein, Woody Allen, Albert Schultz. Donald trump still in power. still trying to ruin the world. still trying to pass laws to help his rich dull friends at the expense of the other 99%. tweets filled with spelling mistakes and false bravado. small penis syndrome. orange face syndrome. weird straw hair syndrome. doug ford? really? the world is in chaos and my lower back is sore. I need to go to bed but I still need to meditate. never enough time in the day. in the week. in the month. in the year. in my life.
life moves by much too quickly.
Rylee is twelve.
Nicole is thirty-six.
My Dad died when he was thirty-six.
some kids get cancer. why?
rules. too many rules.
love.
life is so precious…
2018?
really?
life has flown by.
notanotherphony. 