noise. always too much noise in my brain. always too foggy. always too scattered. always too many people wanting my time. too many people wanting my energy. energy suckers always in full force. always the wrong people. the wrong energy.
love.
where is the love?
look for the love.
life.
always passing by much too quickly.
kids getting older.
adults growing old.
wrinkles and saggy skin.
lost.
always lost.
future?
not sure.
blessed with many skills but such a fast and busy mind stopping any sort of progress. stopping any sort of plan.
wanting everything now and now and now and fast and immediate and no time for patience. no time for “eventually”.
TIME IS NOW.
more passion and more purpose than most but busier mind than most too.
is there a way of working with a busy mind? find the right profession. find the right purpose. find the right coach. find the right people. life dwindling away day after dreary day.
do not slow down. speed up. focus the speed. focus the energy. focus the passion. focus the purpose.
HELP IS NEVER AVAILABLE. IT IS AVAILABLE IN NAME BUT NOT IN ACTION.
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
WHO AM I?
WHAT DO I WANT?
provide.
slow down. speed up. uppers. downers. chamomile tea. exercise. meditation. yoga. prayer. no prayer. fuck everyone. love. accept. surrender. allow. let go. be. do. be. do. be. do. what to do? what works? what is my purpose? what is my goal? what are my skills? what are my passions? what are my fears? who do I love? does anyone really care? what is life? why do some people die so young? why are some young kids raped and murdered? why are some people so evil? what is the purpose for other people? do people really listen to politicians? Do people really respect politicians? what is your purpose? what is your life about? I want to help my daughter succeed but I don’t know the answer to success. the books tell me that you must follow your heart. follow your “why” and follow your purpose but that comes with financial struggles. that comes with emotional struggles. that comes with marital struggles. that comes with family struggles. LIFE. LOSS. LOVE. OLD. GETTING OLD. LIFE PASSING BY AND I FEEL STUCK IN A TOWN THAT OFFERS LITTLE BUT WHAT DO WE DO? our daughter starting high school next year. she has already been on an emotional roller coaster. move here. move there. move back here. move back there. no stability. no plan. no fun. no excitement. life passing by. not slowly. quickly. passing by quickly. decisions becoming bigger. life becoming smaller.
purpose.
what is my purpose?
what is your purpose?
INSPIRE.
ALWAYS INSPIRE.
INSPIRE WITH TRUTH.
NO PHONINESS.
NO BULLSHIT.
NO BOREDOM.
purpose.
goals.
actions.
discipline.
focus.
busy mind.
big heart.
open soul.
roller coaster.
always on a roller coaster.
day planner?
my vison becoming more blurry.
my mind becoming more blurry.
my life becoming more blurry.
more pills.
less focus.
more pills.
less sleep.
less is more?
more or less.
Gary Brown murdered over twenty years ago.
whatever happened to Stephanie Brown?
life can be so painful.
life can float by without anything of significance and then BOOM. someone dies. and then your life is turned upside down. death is painful. life can be hopeful. have fun. always try to have fun. do not be bored. boredom is painful. dullness is boring which leads to booze and then pills and then frustration and then to reminiscing about the great days of the past but the great days of the past were filled with death and arrests and failures and fights and drunkenness and loss. always loss.
GO JETS GO.
GO JETS GO.
GO JETS GO.
I miss playing hockey.
notanotherphony. 