another week begins. another week of hope. feeling constipated again but I am aware of this and I know what to do to fix this or combat this. now to put my thoughts and awareness into action.
books to the right of me. books to the left. a never ending search for something that excites me. something that moves me. something that inspires me. something that shakes me. i am searching and searching and will continue to search but at some point the search will be over and my life will be over. when does the search end? i have a messy room. books. jackets. more books. more jackets. pens. notebooks. pictures. scripts. taxes. receipts. tripod. printer. lamps. stereo. broken computers and broken thoughts. broken dreams and broken plans. a world of brokenness and a world of hoplessness with periodic bouts of hoplefullness.
hot. sweaty. agitated. restless. tired. still hot. still sweaty. too much coffee. too much wine. too many beers. too much pizza. too much energy or too little focus. still hot. still sweaty. mind semi foggy. stomach rumbling. nauseous. IS IT TOO HOT IN HERE!!!! IS THIS A MAN PERIOD THAT I AM EXPERIENCING??? IS THERE SUCH A THING???
i need fresh air. i need extreme weather. i need extreme pleasure. i need extreme pain. i need extreme excitement. i need extreme days and extreme nights. lost in the suburbs and rotting away. rotting away with the rest of the corpses. day by dreary day. week by dreary week. month by dreary month. year by dreary year. each day we get older and each day we are closer to death. closer to the end. are you happy or sad or content or miserable or depressed or angry or horny or lost? lost and forgotten. forgotten and lost. lust and lost. lustful and lost. lost and found. do we still have lost and founds? or do people find and keep. individualism over community. the american dream over love and togetherness. big boats and big cars. big houses and big scars. hidden secrets and hidden emotions. big smiles on the outside and severe pain on the inside. ALWAYS PUT ON A SMILING FACE. ALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE. POWER OF POSITIVITY OVER THE POWER OF AUTHENTICITY. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO TRUTH? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HONESTY? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO VULNERABILITY? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO SOCIETY? WHERE HAVE WE GONE WRONG? WHERE HAVE I GONE WRONG? HAVE I GONE WRONG OR AM I IN THE WRONG COUNTRY IN THE WRONG TIMES? LOST FREEDOMS AND LOST ART. LOST OPINIONS AND LOST DOGS. when I was a kid my dog, Snoopy, got run over by a TTC bus. the young girl who was walking our dog was devastated. so were we. sad. sad puppy dog eyes and sad human hearts. i wished dogs lived longer. i never want to see Murphy die. it will be so sad. he is such a great dog. so loving. so caring. so full of energy. so passionate. so free. dogs can teach us so much.
why get a dog if you do not want to walk your dog? get a rabbit.
i’m still hot.
i’m still sweaty.
my beard is dripping coffee all over the table.
i need to shave. or maybe I just need to trim.
why is my life filled with extremes?
acceptance is key.
but what to do with my acceptance is also key.
key.
key to life.
DO THESE TEN THINGS AND GIVE ME THIS AMOUNT OF MONEY AND YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL…EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT.
i really need a purpose.
notanotherphony. 