tears. tears. and more tears. saying goodbye to Rylee was so tough. so much love. so much life. so much promise. Rylee is one of the most amazing human beings I have ever met. she has endured so much in her short life and, yet, she continues to amaze. continues to love. continues to care. continues to surprise. she has so much promise and I don’t even think she realizes it.
we spent two fun filled days in Whistler with an old friend of mine before embarking on our trip down to Vancouver to move Rylee into school. lots of laughs filled the car. lots of singing. lots of funny stories. lots of hidden sadness as we all knew that the time to say goodbye was nearing closer and closer. As, I am sure, many Dad’s before me, I felt thoughts of guilt. thoughts of pain. thoughts of lost time and lost connection. I wished I spent more time connecting with Rylee. I wished I had more fun with Rylee. I wished I had more trips and more adventures. And I wished we could go back and start again. start fresh. but we can’t. that is on me and I fully accept it and feel it.
we ate some lunch and then arrived at the beautiful UBC in Vancouver. loads of young adults with their nervously excited parents beside them. lots of smiles. lots of positivity. lots of sunshine. lots of love.
LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE.
such an amazing experience.
we picked up Rylee’s school package and drove to her residence. we unloaded her bags and two young volunteers helped us carry Rylee’s bags up to her room. all the names of the girls were on each room door and we spotted Rylee’s name halfway down the hall. we opened the door and entered her room. her room was cute. small. lots of storage though. she was on the second floor. she met some of the other girls on her floor and they all seemed nice. they all seemed excited. such positivity in the air.
Nicole was in charge of setting up Rylee’s room. i was told to keep out of the way but not in a rude way. more in a practical kind of way. it seemed to work as the process flowed smoothly. almost too smoothly as that meant we were closer and closer to saying goodbye. I looked at Rylee with such a sense of pride. such a sense of joy. such a sense of love. such a beautiful, young, smart, empathetic, caring woman. she was glowing. i was soooo proud of her and, yet, I had this sense of extreme loss. such mixed emotions but it felt good to have emotions again. to feel again. in our never ending search for money and search for joy we, sometimes, forget to feel. humanity, in my opinion, is a much more important quality than joy or being wealthy or talented or strong. simple humanity and we were in the middle of the most important human event in our family’s seventeen years together and I felt it. as did Nicole and Rylee. but we all held it in. we all tried to be strong. tried to be stoic. and then it was time to say our final goodbye’s and we all bawled in unison. tears of love. tears of loss. tears of remembered memories and tears of new beginnings and tears of the ending of a chapter. we all hugged and all felt REAL LOVE. REAL FAMILY LOVE. such an amazingly happy and sad moment that I will never forget even when I am old and senile.
we all recovered a few minutes later and then we all laughed and told more stories and held each other tightly. it was time to go. Rylee was meeting one of her new friends in a different dorm. we all walked out together and watched Rylee walk away. so happy. so confident. so beautiful. so young. so smart. so pretty and so human. i miss her so much and it has only been two days since I last saw her.
i know that it will get easier.
i know that time flies (too fast).
i know that “this too shall pass.”
But I don’t want my feelings of love to pass. I am, often, moving too fast. chasing too many jobs and too many parties and reading too many books. this event. this milestone. this feeling. this moment was such a lesson for me.
LOVE.
LOVE.
LOVE.
open up my heart and take people in. love them with all that I have. life is too precious to waste sitting in anger and negativity.
listen.
love.
feel.
WE ARE SOOOOOO PROUD OF RYLEE.
WE MISS HER LIKE CRAZY.
WE LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY.
SUCH A POWERFUL EXPERIENCE OF LOVE.
WHAT A LESSON.
WHAT A LIFE.
WHAT A YOUNG WOMAN.
LOVE.
Rylee…we love you.
notanotherphony. 