fast and furious.

my vision is back (sort of) and my headaches are gone, temporarily, and i am awake and in dire need of changing my mindset.

STOP THE SABOTAGE.

STOP THE SELF DOUBT.

STOP THE PEOPLE PLEASING.

i am tired but have to wake up.

WORK.

WORK.

WORK.

struggle.

struggle.

struggle.

i don’t even want to write right now but i must stay focused and must stay disciplined.

i had crazy but good dreams last night.

paying homage to my soccer days at durham college. fun times with fun friends. the possibilities seemed endless and life was all ahead of me.

now as i write this love letter i am tired, beaten down, beaten up, sore, and broke.

what happened?

where did i go wrong doctor?

who did i follow? god?

who did i follow? mom?

who did i follow? friends?

who did i follow? psychotherapists?

never trusting my gut and never believing in myself, i looked outwardly for the answers and the answers were many. too many to decipher. too many answers equals too much confusion. unable to process. unable to move.

PILLS…ARE YOU WORKING???

make one clear decision.

take one clear action.

ACTIONS AND REACTIONS.

FIGHT OR FLIGHT.

TRUST.

TRUST.

TRUST.

TRUST MYSELF AND GO.

is israel the new german nazi’s?

is anyone questioning their actions?

can we NOT have an opinion on this devastation?

media bias and bias equals lies.

lies and deception.

always lies and deception.