a month into 2024 and my mind is getting clearer. my intentions are getting clearer. my angst is lessening. my ego is lessening and i have realized that we are all just as fucked and just as lost as each other but money masks a lot.
i had such vivid dreams last night. all involved women, drinking, almost fucking, waking up in random houses on random streets, and one even involved my male friend making a pass on me.
they also included trying to piece the nights together and having to somehow someway make it home to face the wrath of my wife.
SHAME.
i was in random bars.
random steamrooms.
random apartments.
i had random phone numbers.
i was getting kicked out of random hotels.
i had random clothes on.
i had some random and uneven moustache.
IT WAS A NIGHTMARE OF EPIC PROPORTION.
maybe the dreams were meant to show me that that type of life was not all fun and games.
lots of uncertainty.
lots of fun.
lots of confusion.
lots of shame.
SHAME.
STRESS.
CONFUSION.
ANXIETY.
UNCERTAINTY.
FUN NIGHTS.
LOTS OF LIES.
LIES AND DECEPTION.
TWO FEET FIRMLY PLANTED ON THE GROUND IS THE GOAL.
is it?
notanotherphony. 