i love few. but i love big.

tired.  sweaty.  angry.  hot.  clammy.  restless.  thinking.  always thinking.  always wandering.  leaving.  listening.  observing.  fashion.  fashion divas.  fashion faux pas…is that how you spell it?  important people.  doing important jobs.  speaking importantly.  about important issues.  where has life taken me?  taken us?  sitting and drinking.  the police.  the band.  not the authority.  rules.  some good.  some bad.  follow the good ones.  break the bad.  ADHD.  heat leaving.  cool air coming in.  fresh air.  breathing life into the boredom.  the…focus becoming tougher.  pills.  no pills.  man up.  “be a man.”  what to do?  what to say?  respect.  at what costs?  who is more important…me?  or the project?  i know the answer but my integrity being questioned.  my beliefs being threatened.  my fears being exposed.  catholic guilt hurting me.  paralyzed.  am I really forty five years old?  look the part.  don’t act it.  sweating still.  waiting still.  wandering still.  never still.  eyes are blurry.  falling asleep.  assholes above me might see the baseball bat.  do they carry guns?  probably.  might go down in a blaze of bullets.  unique.  be unique.  be unique.  thinking way too much.  analyzing way too much.  hunger starting to appear.  my seat is uncomfortable.  the coffee girl sings.  some shitty song from hedley.  at least she is happy.  truly happy?  age is irrelevant for some people.  age is too relevant for others.  why are commercials so important?  shitty commercials.  shitty songs.  shitty movies.  shitty food.  shitty people.  i want to go camping up north.  alone.  barren.  nicole.  rylee.  tent.  snow.  good music (must search).  good wine.  good people.  GREAT PEOPLE.  I LOVE FEW.  BUT I LOVE BIG.