job interview.

boom.  boom.  boom.  boom.  boom.  noise everywhere and I just woke up.  look outside.  blinded by snow.  cold.  i put the coffee on and turn on my computer.  the coffee machine beeps.  the trucks honk.  construction up above.  7am.  my day about to begin.  what’s in store for me today?  i drink my coffee.  check facebook.  check my phone.  check the news.  NOTHING.  life filled with nothingness.  counting the minutes down.  down to what I do not know.  lottery tickets are purchased.  not by me.  shit shows are watched.  not by me.  shit music is listened to.  not by me.  celebrities are worshipped.  not by me.  i pull out my nine iron and put my shorts on.  i then put my ski goggles on and walk out of my apartment.  wait for the elevator.  hear a dog bark.  hear loud music.  hear a loud man.  i am on a mission today.  job interview.  a stripper appears.  she has a black eye.  i smile.  she looks down.  shame.  the elevator arrives.  the door opens.  i walk in.  so does the stripper.  there are four other people on the elevator.  one is short.  one is tall.  one is fat.  one is skinny.  all four have moustaches.  only one is a man.  life is weird sometimes.  the elevator ride down is short.  someone farted.  probably the stripper.  IT STUNK.  the elevator doors opened and we all exited.  we walked.  looked down.  noise getting louder.  construction workers everywhere.  everything was white.  except for the black floors.  i began smashing my nine iron off of the marble floor.  i don’t know why.  i just did.  security guards approached.  i smiled.  four security guards all yelling something at me but i couldn’t understand them.  they looked tired.  they probably had never seen a nine iron smashed off of the black marble floors before.  life is weird.  the security guards kept yelling.  i kept smashing.  noise.  noise.  noise.  four more strippers walked by me.  they all smiled.  i waved.  one was wearing clothes.  the other three were naked.  boom.  boom.  boom.  boom.  blackness appeared.  i could see nothing.  i could hear lots.  i could see nothing.  silence.  waterfalls.  rivers.  oceans.  i knew these shorts would come in handy.
  I woke up outside.  in a snowbank.  ski goggles protecting my eyes.  shorts wet.  legs wet.  hands cold.  nine iron beside me.  i jumped to my feet.  picked up the nine iron and began walking.  “am I late for my job interview?”  walked for miles.  or is that kilometres.  lucky we changed over to the metric system.  my naked legs began to get cold.  i pulled out my bottle of Jack Daniels and started chugging.  always a good idea to drink Jack Daniels before a job interview. 
  i began to get tired so i stopped.  sat in the snow.  i made a snowball and chucked it at a silver mercedes benz.  SMACK.  windows smashed.  driver dead.  car crashed.  i ran.  and ran.  and ran.  i held onto my nine iron.  “lucky i wore shorts today.”  i ran right.  i ran left.  under a big truck.  hopped a fence.  chased by a pit bull.  stepped in shit.  scratched by tree branch.  sirens blaring.  snow pounding down.  shivering and sweating at the same time.  still would not let go of my nine iron.  ski goggles fogging up.  “fucking cheap ski goggles.”  peaceful.  snow stopped.  i stopped.  i listened.  NOTHING.  no construction.  no snow.  no dogs barking.  no horns.  no sirens.  “did i get away with murder?”  i walked out to the barren street.  nobody.  nowhere.  i walked.  i walked .  i walked.  i looked around and NOTHING.  i looked ahead and saw my building.  a thirty pound naked lady up ahead in a wheelchair.  she looks lonely.  old.  “should I help her?”  i walk towards her.  i look around.  still nothing.  still nowhere.  i arrive at the wheelchair occupied by the naked thirty pound lady.  i kneel down in front of her and pray.  she kicks me in the face.  i swing my nine iron.  self defence. fourteen pit bulls attack me.  i scream but no one answers.  i run.  they run.  naked thirty pound lady in wheelchair dead.  one pit bull eats her.  the rest of the pit bulls chase me.  as i run i continue to swing my nine iron.  i call my potential boss and tell him that i am running late.  he tells me to “go fuck yourself.”  i throw my phone away.  one pit bull eats it.  i continue to run.  running towards my building.  BOOM.  BOOM.  BOOM.  BOOM.  my head is pounding.  pit bulls barking.  no one else around.  i run up the driveway.  thirteen black Bentley’s sit in the driveway.  sixty one strippers surround the cars.  thirteen pit bulls continue to chase me.  the other one still eating the naked thirty pound lady in a wheelchair.  huffing.  puffing.  i might blow the house down.  instead i start smashing all of the Bentley’s with my nine iron.  screaming everywhere.  dogs attacking.  world war four.  “have we had three yet?”  i should have paid attention to world history.  “FUCK ME!!!”  sirens.  dogs.  honking.  strippers with moustaches.  i spot a security guard.  he smiles.  i smile back.  he pulls down his pants and starts masturbating.  i give him a look of empathy and continue smashing vehicles and dogs.  the odd stripper too.  life is coming to an end but i will not go down lightly.  “DO SOMETHING JOHNNY!!!”  “I AM TRYING MARTY!!!”  “OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW”  i think i just twisted my ankle.  fall down.  dogs eat me.  security guard has an orgasm.  blood has covered the snow filled driveway.  life is cruel.  NOISE.  NOISE.  NOISE.  ALWAYS!!!