St. Paddy’s Day equals fourteen girls from Tanzania.

Jact Tait drinks his fourteenth pint of Black Guinness…not green shit…and heads for the exit.  he punches one dink in the face.  he kisses a beautiful 300 pound waitress.  he pukes on the juke box.  he screams, “adios amigos,” and exits the premises.  another twelve hours wasted in an otherwise wasted life.  Jack Tait is now sixty and rides his blue tricycle back to his run down farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.  he sings, “if i had a million dollars,” the whole way home.  Jack Tait loves the Barenaked Ladies.  he wonders why they do not play music together anymore.  he once listened to the Barenaked Ladies while fucking an overweight pilgrim up the bum for fourteen hours straight.  this was back in the 80’s when Jack was thirty.  Jack fucked many girls back then.  he even fucked many girls when he was forty.  he even fucked many girls when he was fifty.  he has slowed down since turning sixty but he is still hornier than ever.  the unfortunate part for Jack is that not many girls want to fuck him anymore.  only if they are drunk and over two hundred pounds.  this is why Jack Tait jerks off three times a day while looking at the Sears catalogue “underwear section.”  Jack has always liked seeing girls in their underwear.  even when girls get horny and jump in his bed and remove their underwear to fuck…Jack puts their underwear back on and moves the underwear over a bit to fuck.  some people think Jack is weird.  some people think Jack is dirty.  some people think Jack is lazy.  but Jack knows those people are just jealous.
  Jack arrives back at his beautiful rundown farmhouse in the middle of nowhere and places his tricycle at the side of his house.  he doesn’t lock it.  he opens the front door and enters into his rundown house.  he flicks the lights on and sees fourteen girls standing in front of him with nothing but their panties on.  they all look like they are from Tanzania.  they range in age from twenty to seventy.  Jack pops a boner.  Jack is obviously horny and naked.  “HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK…HI JACK.”  they all said “HI” to Jack.  Jack said “HI” back.  Jack smiled and offered the girls nothing for he had nothing.  the girls were not amused.  they wanted Jack to treat them all to a Banana Split.  they had never eaten a Banana Split before.  Jack had eaten fourteen Banana Splits.  Jack moved closer to the twenty year old girl from Tanzania in her cute little panties.  the seventy year old girl from Tanzania in her cute little panties got jealous and started punching Jack in the back of the head.  the sixty year old girl did the same thing.  so did the fifty year old.  the forty year old girl started biting Jack’s bum.  the thirty year old girl screamed, “YOU PIG.  YOU FUCKING PIG JACK.  WHY DO YOU GO FOR THE TWENTY YEAR OLD GIRL WHEN WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL YOU FUCKING PIG???  I LOVE YOU JACK!!!”  Jack ignored everyone and began hammering the twenty year old girl from Tanzania.  he didn’t care what all the mature women were saying and doing.  he knew that they were all jealous cunts who hadn’t been laid enough in their lifetime and now are bitter and old.  shrivelled up and cold.  Jack Tait pounded hard.  the twenty year old girl moaned even harder.  she had never fucked a sixty year old drunk and perverted man before.  she was used to dweeby pussies pretending to be men.  “FUCK EVERYONE…I AM FUCKING JACK TAIT AND I WILL LIVE AND FUCK UNTIL THE DAY I DIE.  IF YOU WANT TO EAT MY BUM THEN YOU JUST MUNCH AWAY BECAUSE I LOVE ALL SEX AND I AM HORNY!!!” 
  Jack finished with the twenty year old girl from Tanzania and then fucked the other thirteen girls.  he never discriminated.  his boner was bleeding.  he got tired after the seventy year old girl from Tanzania and drank a forty of Irish Whiskey.  he also downed fourteen more cans of Guinness.  the fourteen girls from Tanzania all slept on Jack while he polished off all of his booze.  Jack wanted them all to leave except the twenty year old girl but he was a nice guy so he let them stay.  Jack Tait eventually fell asleep with a big smile on his face.  another successful ST. PADDY’S DAY.  fourteen more days until April Fool’s Day.  Jack loved April Fool’s Day.