JACK TAIT SENT QUEEN ELIZABETH A LETTER.

Jack Tait sat and wondered just what had happened to the world he once loved.  what happened to the music he loved.  what happened to the movies he loved.  what happened to the women he loved.  what happened to the men he loved.  what happened to the sports teams he loved.  “LORD JESUS CHRIST PLEASE TELL ME JUST WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED???”  no answer as usual so Jack decided to drink a forty of Jack and write a letter to the Queen of England.
  “Dear Queen of England,
  I am not sure what happens in jolly ole England but here in Canada and America I have noticed a genuine pansification in our society.  men are no longer men.  women are bitchy cunts who, because men are pansies, walk all over men and are happy to walk over men.  they, therefore, lie and pretend that geeks such as Justin Bieber and Zac Efron are hot and sexy when in actual fact they are girly babies dressed like boys.  women are not dumb Liz.  they are manipulative and cunning.  unless they are dumb and actually do find pansy assed boys to be sexy.  you never know Liz.  you just never know. 
  what happened to our music Liz?  what happened to crazy ugly heroin addicted rock stars belting out riffs and shaking up the world.  what happened to guys like Jim Morrison.  what happened to Kurt Cobain.  now we have Justin Bieber and Justin Timbernuts.  no heart.  no soul.  no balls.  nerds have become cool but why Liz?  i mean, I know you have a bunch of dweeby boys and those boys have produced a few more dweebs but you are royalty.  you have an excuse but FOR FUCK SAKES LIZ I CAN GUARANFUCKINGTEE YOU WOULD NOT FUCK JUSTIN BIEBER!!!
  on to my next victim.  movies.  where to begin Lizzy.  harry potter.  twilight.  werewolf shit.  vampire fluff.  lord of the dweebs.  the pansy assed hobbit.  fluffy rom com’s.  fake horror movies.  cartoon movies.  comic book geeky movies.  ALL FUCKING FLUFF LIZ.  where are the fucking drama’s.  no heart once again.  no soul once again.  SHIT.  SHIT.  SHIT.  SHIT.  SHIT.  and what makes matters worse jolly ole Lizzy is that the dumb fucking puppets of our society all fall for this shit.  WHY.  WHY.  WHY  WHY.  FUCK QUESTION MARKS LIZZY!!!
  american idol.  shit.  dance off’s.  shit.  facebook contests shit.  FACEBOOK. SHIT.  phony self help posts.  DOUBLE SHIT.  NO ONE FUCKING CARES ANYMORE LIZ.  you do don’t you.  please tell me that you are still alive and not all dried up.  i hope you are not some old dried up pompous cunt from England Liz.  say it ain’t so.
  women drive me crazy.  they like fluff and talk like they are all from California and dress to show their tits and ass but if you look they call you a pervert.  i am a pervert but they shouldn’t call me names Liz.  they say they like nice guys yet they date jerk offs with track pants who have never read a book in their small minded lives and drive cars that have lawn mowers for engines instead of real engines.
  guys are worse Liz.  they all think they are hipsters but in fact they are geeks Liz.  they don’t FUCK women anymore they MAKE LOVE.  pansification once more Lizzy.  if you were here right now I would fuck you.  i don’t discriminate.  just an FYI…I don’t wear condoms Lizzy so I could impregnate you and we could have a baby together.  don’t worry you won’t have to look after the baby.  just do what you did with your other kids…pawn them off on a underpaid nanny.
  women are fake.  guys are dumb.  movies are shit and fake and dumb.  music is for dummies and is fake and fluffy and girly.  boys look like girls and girls think they are hot when they are not.  facebook has created a generation of soulless and passionless puppets who think they are important and have something unique to say but they don’t.  FYFUCKINGI…if you were dull and boring before facebook then you are still dull and boring.  WAKE THE FUCK UP AND ENJOY LIFE.
  anyway, i hope I didn’t offend you Lizzy.  i just needed to get a few things off of my chest and with passover and good friday and easter coming up i knew god was busy and wouldn’t listen to me and you are the next best thing because you are so real.  so thanks for listening and if you are ever in a remote area in the middle of nowhere and find an old deserted farmhouse then knock on the door and I will answer.  naked and drunk.  but I will fuck you.  cheers.”
  Jack Tait then rode his tricycle to the end of his driveway and put the letter in the mailbox.  as he walked back he shook his head and laughed at how ridiculously stupid society and it’s peoples are.  then he took a runny shit and entered the house.