Jack Tait has finished his Yoga retreat.

Jack Tait ended his two month yoga retreat and looked down at his crotch and realized he still had one ball.  it had grown some but shrivelled lots.  there were little grey hairs attempting to cover the wrinkles on his one ball but the little grey hairs did not do a good job.  Jack Tait felt better and more alive than he had before he went to the yoga retreat.  he also felt more connected to the earth.  while at the yoga retreat Jack Tait snuck off and smoked crack with some Somali’s from Ethiopia but he was insistent that nobody film him because he had promised his YOGI that he would not do drugs while on the retreat.  Jack Tait is a man of his word but sometimes forces beyond himself force him to do things that he otherwise would not do.  Jack Tait was a new man.
  Jack Tait hopped on his blue tricycle and began the long journey back to his tiny little deserted farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.  he knew that it was going to be a long trip so he pounded back a forty of “Jack” and began pedalling.  he looked up to the skies above and saw a picture of Hitler in the clouds.  Jack shrugged this off and continued pedalling.  Jack decided long ago that his brain was fried from many years of taking uppers and downers and smoking weed and snorting blow and pounding back forties of “Jack”.  Jack is a realist and not another phony.  even though his ride was quiet he still could hear the usual dumb assholes yelling and screaming about nothing.  Jack never could figure out why there were so many dull dumb boring people in this world doing nothing but following the teacher’s manual and reciting old washed up motivational speakers from the forties.  “why follow assholes from the forties?” Jack thought.  “Follow me and ye shall be saved!!!”  NOBODY LISTENED.
  Jack pulled over to the side of the long winding road to take a leak but jerked off instead.  Jack had not masturbated for two months and he was horny.  his one ball jumped up and down while his throbbing fourteen inch penis was being attacked.  Jack blew his load in thirteen seconds and hopped back on his tricycle.  two worms were now sitting on Jack’s seat.  Jack said “HI” and gently put the worms back on the ground.  Jack wondered why he hadn’t taken a shit for sixty days but he figured that this had something to do with Yoga.
  Jack continued his descent back down into the real world.  a world filled with maggots and baggotts and laggotts and waggotts.  he had a big smile on his face.  he also had a big beard and a big ball.  small penis now.  it was once big…ten minutes ago…but once his load was blown it shrunk.  Jack didn’t give a flying fuck.  he finished his yoga retreat and he was a free man.
  Jack took a big deep breath and looked at his hand and saw the many wrinkles and non connecting lines and wondered just where life had gone.  his Dad was no longer on earth.  either was his Mom.  his friends had long passed away and his few girlfriends were now with corporate monsters.  he thought about the good old days when he played hockey and soccer and went swimming in the pond and then he thought of the bad old days when his Dad died and his Mom left and his Nana died and his friend was murdered and he stopped pedalling.  Jack Tait took a HUGE deep breath and began to cry.  and cry.  and cry.  and cry.  and cry….”WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???”
  LIFE IS CRUEL…and fun…and happy…and sad…Jack Tait put his bike on the ground and lay down on the dirt road.  he will never see his Mom or Dad or best friend ever again.