traffic.

I leave the house at noon.  drive.  music on.  bonnie prince billy.  window down.  hot.  always hot.  cold wind blowing on my hot face.  right lane.  slow lane.  today slower than other days.  get onto the gardiner expressway.  no traffic.  a first for everything.  drive.  now in the fast lane driving fast.  peaceful.  five minutes later I get off.  Jarvis street.  angry.  “superiors” never listen to “inferiors”.  they pretend to listen but they don’t listen.  phoniness everywhere.  I get off the off ramp at Jarvis and go left.  stuck.  red light.  a bum begs for money.  I give him a quarter.  normally I don’t but today I am angry and when I am angry I am present and when I am present I see things more clearly.  the bum smiled.  so did I.  I then drive north on Jarvis and eventually find a parking lot to park in.  I put my credit card into the machine and then it spits it out and the wooden stick opens and I drive in.  I drive around and around and up and up and then find a parking spot on the fourth floor.  I get out of the car and walk away.  I then turn around and press the button on my key thingy and it locks the door.  I then walk down four floors of stairs and exit the building.  cold air.  refreshing cold air.  now I walk north on yonge street.  I walk past cute girls.  ugly girls that are still cute and then past ugly girls that are ugly and past men who are ugly or not ugly.  irrelevant.  I arrive at uncle Otis. a cool store in Yorkville.  I speak with the cool and friendly staff and then say “BYE” and exit.  I walk south on yonge this time.  I walk past all kinds of people again.  the city walk is exciting.  always exciting.  I miss my city walking.  walking and observing.  observing and walking.  freedom in a non free world.  I walk south and pop into another store.  I say “HI” to Lucy the owner.  she is very nice and tells me she swims everyday.  she tells me I look older because I now have a beard.  but she quickly apologizes and says that “it has been eight years since I last saw you.”  I think that I look like I am nineteen still.  getting old sucks.  we talk for awhile and while we talk she is always smiling.  this makes me smile.  I then leave and walk back to my car.  I walk by a candy store and buy Rylee a BIG lollipop.  I speak with the girl behind the counter.  she is very nice.  only twenty one years old.  she lives with her Mom and doesn’t have a Dad in her life.  she tells me that my wife is lucky to be with a guy sixteen years older than her (me).  I tell her that I am lucky.  perceptions.  I eventually say “BYE” and leave.  I walk alone up to my car.  it is getting dark and I have a lollipop for Rylee.  I walk past lots of girls and boys again.  I eventually make it to my car and jump in.  I now drive around and around and down and down and eventually get to the exit.  I stick my credit card into the machine and pay ten dollars.  the wooden stick opens up and I drive out.  I turn right and drive down church street.  many gay guys walking around.  I see the sailor pub on the left.  I visited this pub once and saw lots of naked men screwing each other up the bum on the various TV’s all over the bar.  didn’t think much of it then.  don’t think much of it now.  to each their own.  I continue to drive.  stop light after stop light.  I have one hour until my audition so I drive down to the distillery district.  I park and get out of my car.  I walk on the cobblestone walkways and decide to visit my friend, Gigi, who owns partner’s film company.  I hop on the elevator and press floor four.  I get off the elevator and walk into the big office.  I see a girl working on her computer and ask her if Gigi is around and she tells me that he just left for parent teacher interviews.  I tell her that my parents knew Gigi’s parents and she said, “too bad.  Gigi would have loved to see you.”  I said “yeah” and walk away.  I then drive to my audition and the building is packed.  I see an old commercial friend of mine and we laugh.  I then see the casting director and we laugh.  everyone now laughing.  I then am called to go into my audition with my fake wife.  fake son.  fake daughter.  I fake I am scared.  and then walk out of the room.  audition over.  I jump into my car that I illegally parked at staples and drive south.  gas light on.  I then SIT in traffic.  I sit and I sit.  bonnie prince billy still on.  if I had the cure I would have played that.  I sit for half an hour and then decide to turn left and go back to where I came from and start a whole new route.  TORONTO TRAFFIC SUCKS!!!  walking is much better.  I head up parliament.  dirty people and dirty cars.  dirty apartments and dirty dogs.  drivers going very slowly.  traffic lights completely inefficient.  get in the left lane.  STUCK.  move to the right.  STUCK.  slow drivers and slow lights.  dumb drivers and dumb politicians.  the world is filled with pretty girls and dumb people.
  one and a half hours later I am almost home.  dinner is on the table.  I am starving.  need coffee filters.  also need zit cream.  been eating more greens and not getting zits but my paranoia takes over.  go into shoppers drug mart and find coffee filters and my zit cream.  I then go to the check out counter.  two lines.  one cashier is old and fat the other is young and attractive…sort of…not really but better than old and fat so I choose her lane.  only one person in front of me.  old and unattractive.  dull and white.  she puts her items on the checkout table and then pulls out coupons.  “FOR FUCK SAKES!!!  I CHOSE THE WRONG FUCKING LINE!!!”  this old, white, dull, unattractive lady begins pulling out coupon after coupon.  she then argues about some discount card.  completely unaware of the line behind her.  stand and wait.  restless.  hungry.  thinking about buying beer.  not wanting to but habits are hard to break.  twenty minutes later this dull dunce decides to go to a different counter.  “why are the dull and unattractive also the slow and dumb???”  fucking peasants.  I pay the semi attractive cashier for my zit cream and coffee filters and then walk to the liquor store.  I caved in.  buy four guinness tallboys and drive away.  gaslight now ready to burst I pull into the esso station.  drive to one pump.  “out of order”  drive to another…”out of order.”  then watch cars impatiently honking other cars.  I fill up my car with the cheapest gas possible and wait for my receipt.  it tells me that I have to go inside to get it.  “FUCK ME.”  go in get my receipt.  another fucking line-up.  get my receipt and drive home.  I arrive safely and soundly two fucking hours after my fucking audition that I won’t fucking land. 
  I give  Nicole and Rylee big hugs and eat my dinner.  I then rant about how useless our politicians are and how useless most people are.  Rylee tells me to shut up.  I then drink my four beers and go to bed.