"daddy I don’t have any friends anymore."

Jack Tait looked in the mirror and saw shame.  saw pain.  saw a man waiting in vain.  a man filled with doubts.  filled with anger but filled just as much with sadness.  it was a face filled with emotions.  filled with lost dreams and lost friends.  even a lost Dad that he somehow has never been able to get over.  a lifelong journey to be happy becoming less likely by the minute.  by the second.
Jack Tait once played in the schoolyard with his friends.  with his enemies.  he once played soccer.  hockey.  tennis.  football.  baseball.  he also once fucked many girls.  fucked many rules.  fucked many people.  now he stares at himself in the mirror and wonders when his time will come.
He has a nine year old daughter and a thirty year old wife.
Jack Tait is lost once again.
He struggles as a parent.  he struggles as a husband.  he struggles as a son.  he struggles as a brother.  he struggles at his job.  he struggles to write meaningful stories in a meaningless world.  he is in a constant struggle to survive in a world filled with liars.  cheats.  psychopaths.  useless bores living useless lives but seemingly happy.  “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????????”
pills no longer work.  booze no longer works.  loud noises.  loud people.  “the louder you are the dumber you are.”  Jack Tait read that once on the back of a door to the can that he was taking a shit in.  “FUCK OFF POLITICALLY CORRECT PEOPLE…JUST FUCK OFF!!!
Jack Tait walks away from the mirror and sits on the couch.  he no longer lives in a shitty rundown farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.  now he lives in a dull townhouse in a dull town with dull people and dull rules.  lights out at 9pm and last calls at midnight.  there are more churches than bars and definitely more churches than strip bars.  Jack Tait has always hated strip bars anyway.  he felt that if he wanted to fuck someone he would go to a local tavern and get drunk and have fun and fun girls would come around and then he would take them home and fuck them.  “girls want to fuck too.”  This was Jack’s favourite saying and he was right.  in fact, he was right about a lot of things but nobody seemed to care.  nobody seemed to listen.  human beings do not change.  they are born religious and they will die religious.  they are born dull and they will die dull.  they are born Conservative and they will die Conservative.  Jack Tait even wondered why people had debates.  he knew long ago not to engage in meaningful conversation with dull people.  he would rather jerk off and eat a Granny Smith apple.
Jack Tait threw on his favourite cycling outfit and walked out the front door.  he saw dog shit on his front garden that the neighbour’s dog had left but he knew that it wasn’t the dog’s fault.  he knew that it was the lazy neighbour’s fault.  the lazy neighbour with three kids and a big dog in a tiny townhouse and the dog clings to a chain in the front garden.  Jack Tait wanted to help the dog.  maybe take the dog for a much needed walk.  a walk filled with fun and excitement but Jack Tait had his own problems to deal with so he just smiled at the dog instead.
Jack Tait hopped on his blue tricycle and rode out onto Veteran’s Way.  a hilly rode filled with fast moving trucks and slow moving Dodge Caravan’s.  He pedalled fast and breathed hard.  Jack Tait was on his daily escape.  he rode daily to forget the pain.  to forget the shame.  he rode to be a better person.  he rode to calm his mind and calm his body.  he didn’t want to die of cancer.  nor did he want to die of a heart attack.  Jack Tait didn’t want to die period but he knew that it was inevitable.  Fifty would soon be sixty and sixty would soon be seventy and seventy would slowly but quickly be eighty and POOF…GONE.  that’s how quickly life goes and Jack knew it.  he also knew that there wasn’t a make believe kingdom in the sky where everyone wore white and danced around and ate Arrowroot cookies.  he knew that it was another lie in a world filled with lies.  “Whatever happened to the truth?”
Jack Tait rode for one hour and then slowly rode home.  he wanted to get back to see his nine year old daughter.  he knew that she was struggling to make friends.  he knew that she was struggling to “fit in.”  he knew that she was a great person with a great heart but somehow she was left alone at recess and left alone at lunch.  her once close friends now moving on to play with others.  Taylor asked Jack, “Is there something wrong with me Daddy?  I don’t have any friends anymore.”  “No there is nothing wrong with you Taylor.  You are an amazing person with an amazing heart but nobody can see it.  the world is filled with dull people who only see dullness.  you need to stop bothering with those kids.”  Jack responded.
But Jack Tait is fifty.  Taylor Tait is nine.  she wants to fit in.  she wants to play.  she wants to be loved.  she wants to be good at sports and good at art.  she wants to be an all round great person with lots of friends and lots of love.  Jack Tait knew the world was filled with struggles and lies.  he knew this but was torn.  unsure if he should let Taylor in on the truth.  he sat there crying as he looked at his beautiful daughter who is growing up much too quickly.  he sat there unsure.  unsure about life.  unsure about death.  unsure about his talents as a parent.  unsure about many things.  he sat and cried.
he then hugged Taylor and told her everything is going to be okay.
“I love you Taylor.  I really really LOVE YOU.”