GRIEF.

Jack Tait walked into his remote farmhouse in the middle of nowhere and flicked on the lights.  he was cold.  he was wet.  he was tired.   he was lonely.  sixty years of living.  sixty years of grieving.  sixty years of good friends.  sixty years of good times mixed in with sixty years of tough times.  life never seemingly consistent. 
Jack Tait grabbed a sixty pounder of Jack Daniels and sat on his shitty old purple reclining chair.  no glass needed.  thirty minutes later the bottle was empty and Jack was asleep.  his mind drifting into a calm and relaxed state.  ten minutes later the dream had started.  the dream looked back on Jack’s life.  the good times.  the bad.  moments that defined Jack Tait.  The good.  the bad.  GRIEF playing a big part.
It started with fun times with his family.  hockey.  soccer.  tennis.  baseball.  school.  recess.  playing Kick The Can.  throwing hockey cards against the wall.  throwing snowballs at cars.  early morning hockey practices in frigid weather when the sun hadn’t come up.  birthday parties and Friday night take-out.
ACT 1…life was great.
ACT 2…Friday February 17th 1978.  Jack’s Dad died.  Jack playing at home with his brother.  Pillow fights and then eating Mr. Sub’s.  Then Keith Mingham arrives at Jack’s house and tells Jack of his Dad’s accident.  panic.  panic in Mom.  panic in Keith.  panic in Jack’s brother’s eyes.  a house full of panic and near pain.  Jack and his brother whisked off to Mr. and Mrs. Vine’s house.  Jack’s Mom and Keith ride panic stricken to the hospital.  “I’m sorry Mairi.  You’re husband didn’t make it.”  SCREAMS OF PAIN heard throughout the hospital.  Jack and his younger brother lay in bed hoping for the best.  the next day they are driven to their Aunt’s and Uncle’s house.  they ring the bell and the door is answered.  Jack walks in and he sees tears of loss everywhere.  Jack cries and runs to his Mom.  he holds her tight and won’t let go.  “Your Dad has gone to a better place”.  Lies beginning for Jack at a young age.
Jack and his family in pain for weeks to come.  funerals.  burials.  missed school.  missed work.  sleepless nights and nightmares suffocating poor Jack and his family.  one month later Jack’s Nana dies.  she had diabetes but she was always there for Jack.  but not anymore.  gone.  forgotten funeral combined with a forgotten burial.  Jack’s mind already learning how to block things out.  “who’s next?”  the answer came quickly.  a few weeks after Jack’s Nana died and almost two months after Jack’s Dad died more pain.  more hurt.  more loss???  ALMOST.  Jack came home one day to find his Mom passed out in their bathroom with her friend, Annie, trying to help out.  panic once again.  helpless once again.  the Paramedics barged in and luckily revived Jack’s Mom.  apparent overdose on tranquillizers.  suicide attempt?  will never know.  TWO MONTHS OF SHEER TERROR.  Jack Tait was ten years old.
Life  continued for Jack Tait.  his Mom was taken away for a month.  he and his brother stayed at a family friend’s house while his Mom attempted to recover from her tragedy.  her grief.  lonely times for a lonely family.  lonely brother’s and a lonely Mom.  school started up again soon after Jack’s Mom came back from the hospital.  kids treated him differently for awhile but then it was soon back to normal on the outside.  school.  sports.  “kick the can”.  road hockey.  hockey cards.  take-out becoming more prevalent.  life seemingly getting back to normal aside from dreams of Jack’s Dad alive again.  happy again.  hugs and kisses.  only dreams.  never a reality.
eleven.  twelve.  thirteen.  fourteen.  no changes.  sports.  fun.  missing Dad.  lots of babysitters.  high school to begin soon.  high school filled with angst.  drunkenness.  fucking girls.  getting rejected by girls.  getting molested by an old Greek man.  getting in fights with boys.  angry.  sad.  angst ridden.  drunk.  arrests.  fights with Mom.  fights with friends.  fights with enemies.  psychiatrists and drugs.  drunk and reckless.  lost and lonely.  Jack Tait was SCREAMING FOR HELP but no one was listening!!!
Jack Tait eventually finished high school and attended college.  Colleges to be exact.  Durham College.  Seneca College.  Mount Royal College.  George Brown College.  A man searching for love and searching for purpose but stuck in GRIEF and STUCK in pain.  sports continued but so did booze, drugs, and reckless behaviour.  sexual debauchery and angry outbursts becoming the norm.  psychiatrists still involved but none helping.  Jack Tait was a lost and lonely man and he was now approaching thirty years old.  his Mom still single, sad, and alone.  his brother “moving on” as best he could.  Jack Tait was having fun but he was also very lost and very much in pain.  AA meetings.  Psychiatrists.  arrests.  North Bay Detox Centre.  Don Jail.  Mimico.  Toronto East.  What was becoming of poor Jack Tait.  Love seemingly lost in a blanket of dust and a blanket of rust.  minor achievements drowned out by major setbacks.  Jack Tait was approaching thirty-six.  the year his Dad passed away.  scared and alone.  lost.
ACT 3…Jack gets married and has a beautiful daughter.  Jack Tait was continuing his sexually debaucherous ways when he met a much younger girl.  a cute girl.  a fun girl.  a lost and lonely young girl.  they connected.  they connected hard and connected fast and the relationship was extremely passionate and extremely volatile.  many ups.  many downs.  good times and bad.  things were getting better for Jack Tait.  visits with his lonely Mother were happening less and less.  two years later Jack Tait and his girlfriend were still together.  movies.  dinners.  drunken nights at the Madison Pub and hungovered days at Starbuck’s.  both lonely and lacking love.  together they found love and hope in each other.  they would stick together through thick and thin.  “till death do us part”.  real love in a phony world.  PREGNANT.  Sarah was pregnant.  scared.  abortion a possibility.  tears of fear.  no abortion.  LOVE.  what to do?  what to do?  “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!”  and with that Jack Tait and Sarah decided to move in together.  love becoming stronger.
Nine months later a beautiful but extremely collicky baby was born.  they named her Taylor and they officially became a family.  four years later they got married in Cuba.  ten years later Jack Tait and Sarah have a ten year old girl.  a beautiful, loving, caring, funny, passionate, and intelligent ten year old girl. ten years moving by very quickly for Jack.  “where does time go?”
Jack’s Dad never getting a chance to meet his wife.  nor his daughter.  Jack’s Mom getting old.  all alone and still in the same house where she once lived with her husband and kids.  Jack’s brother starting his own family.  Jack still lost and still sad.  still seeing psychiatrists.  still taking meds to block out pain and to function in this sad and happy world.  hopeful for the future of his daughter and wanting love for all, Jack Tait knows that life will end one day and that saddens him.  he has finally found LOVE and never wants it to end.  FAMILY…LOVE…LOSS…GRIEF…LOVE CONQUERS ALL…HOPE.  Jack Tait.  Sarah.  and Taylor.  FAMILY LOVE.