why? why? why?

every single day I wake up with new hope.  new dreams.  new excitement.  a world filled with so much hope.  so much promise.  I have a coffee.  I listen as Rylee talks.  and talks.  and talks.  A young girl filled with so much energy and so much promise.  I worry that I will fuck her up.  My own thoughts and opinions infesting too many people.  too many times.  I wish I could sometimes keep my mouth shut but I can’t.  Too much energy.  too much fire.  too much frustration.  life?  is this all there is?
I was once excited for new cars and new homes.  now I sit in my basement drinking wine.  listening to Neil Young.  Hoping for conversation.  conversation about life.  about love.  about hope.  about dreams.  DO NOT LET THE LEADERS SUCK YOU IN!!!  I believe this but as I believe this my bank account is dwindling and my confidence is floating in the cold air.  it is there one day.  it is above the clouds the next day.  DO NOT LET THE LEADERS SUCK YOU IN!!!  I know that they are wrong.  I know that they are greedy.  I know that they DO NOT care about me.  you. my bank account is low.  stress.  hope?  greed?  what are people worth?  why?  so many brands and “things” are completely unnecessary and yet they are making millions offering us nothing.  nothing substantial.  nothing needed.  nothing relevant.  when did we become a society of nothingness?  dull tv shows.  dull music.  dull books.  dull people.  dullness beginning in grade school and ending with death but nothing exciting to do or say.  why do we follow such dull people?  nice people?  “oh they are sooo nice.”  “nice or safe?”  I am nice but I have an opinion.  I have a voice.  life quickly going by.  yoga and wine trying to put up the good fight but the good fight is getting harder and harder.
  accept and be me.  accept and be me.  accept and be me.  power vinyasa.  wine.  red.  love.  neil young.  sad.  hope?  beautiful.  I truly hate phony people and phony things and I have a really good knack in spotting the phony.  spotting the fake.  but I also have a really good heart that is open for love.  open for soul.  we need to connect more.  life is ending.  day by day life is ending.  live.  love.  laugh.  touch.  connect.  we are all human beings.  STOP HATE.  LOVE.  ACCEPT.  UNDERSTAND.  LISTEN. 
I don’t think Rylee will ever understand just how much I love her.
tears.
listen.
love.
accept.
hold.
hug.
I love people so much.
why is there hate?
why?
why?
why?
listen to good music.
have great conversation.
drink tasty wine.
love.
love.
love.
don’t let go.
it all ends much too fast.
Nicole.
Rylee.
me.
old.