fake.

life.  childhood.  adolescent years.  teen years.  young adult years.  middle aged adult years.  older adult years.  just plain old.  death.  then the process begins all over again but this time without you.  you are in the ground.  buried and sometimes forgotten.  hopefully not.  hopefully you have made an impact on this world.  an impact on your family. an impact on your friends.  an impact on your kids.  a positive impact.  a negative impact is easy.  sit in front of the television and pretend you’re happy and yell at your kids.  yell at your neighbours.  yell at your bosses.  yell at everyone but then post happy pics on facebook and Instagram.  pics that SHOW everyone how amazing you are.  how important you are.  how impactful you are.  how loving you are.  then you go home and watch your favourite shitty shows and eat your favourite shitty food and put on your favourite shitty pajama’s and turn on your favourite shitty alarm to wake up and do the exact same shitty thing all over again.
LIFE.  LIVE.  DO NOT PRETEND TO LIVE.  LIVE.  CREATE.  LOVE.  COMMUNICATE.  PLAY.  PLAY.  PLAY.  we have all forgotten to play.  who told us to stop playing?  why stop playing?  why stop smiling?  why stop laughing?  LAUGH AND LOVE AND LEARN. NEVER STOP LEARNING.  NEVER STOP GROWING.  NEVER STOP LOVING.  IF YOU HAVE STOPPED LOVING SEEK HELP.  SEEK HELP BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE AND YOU ARE ON YOUR DEATHBED AND LIVING IN GUILT.  LIVING IN REGRET.  TODAY IS A NEW DAY.  JUST DO IT.
and just like that I am happy again.  creating again.  loving again.  drinking again.  I finished my last sip of wine and thought.  thought about life.  love.  family.  age.  people.  I thought about everything and anything my little brain could think about.  In one hour I will be free again.  up against a hard wall with my eyes closed and breathing deeply.  I will listen to the guided meditation and feel great.  I will laugh.  I will cry.  I will feel alive.  I will sit still.  I will dream big.  I will see all of the opportunities that life has to offer.  that life has offered.  the patient me will be patient for once.  breathe.  breathe.  breathe.  keep eyes closed.  breathe.  exhale the negativity.  exhale the judgements.  exhale the limiting thoughts and limiting beliefs.
I sat down to write a story about how extremely difficult parenting can be.  But I digressed.  But now I am back again.  so here goes.  I see how absolutely fantastic and loving my daughter can be most of the time but I also see how stubborn and pouty she can be at other times.  I witness her pickiness with eating.  I witness her ups.  I witness her downs.  I am always willing to listen but sometimes she doesn’t want to talk with me.  she prefers talking with her Mom.  This upsets me because I love her soooo much.  An only child just wanting real friends and real acceptance from real people but instead she gets fake friends who do not understand the notion of real friends.  real commitments.  real loyalty.  they are too busy trying to be “cool” with the boys.  trying to get the boys to like them.  fake.  phony.  inauthentic.  society at its worst.  learning this behaviour from their parents who learned this behaviour from their parents and so on and so on.  the chain never broken.  the cycle continuing to spin.  spinning further and further out of control until one day they wake up pregnant and alone.  life beating them down.  struggling to make ends meet.  struggling to be happy.  struggling to find their own life as they have given up their life long ago and now watch bad tv and read terrible facebook posts.  life is filled with so many opportunities but parents need to be parents.  give love.  give guidance.  talk.  communicate.  love.  listen.  I am sick of girls and so called friends treating my loving daughter like she is nothing.  a nothing with no feelings.  she has a HUGE HEART and an even BIGGER SOUL.  she is unique.  she is loving.  she is caring.  she is filled with passion.  filled with care.  filled with honesty.  filled with trust.  filled with loyalty.  when will she find someone who can reciprocate this love and care?  when will she find her true friend?  her true best friend?  her true companion?  her true love?
do disloyal, fake, selfish kids grow up to be disloyal, fake, selfish adults or can they change?  I hope they can change.  But parents need to step up and be parents.  do the parents know any better?
life.
love.
hope.