LOVE. REAL LOVE.

I woke up early from a great night of sleep.  One beer the night before instead of ten.  felt alive.  energized.  a new sense of worth.  a new sense of belonging.  a new sense of hope.  I drank one coffee and then had a smoothie filled with bananas, blueberries, strawberries, flax seed and other healthy grains.  healthy ingredients.  a healthy morning routine after a healthy bedtime routine.  discipline a must in my life but it is always harder than it sounds.  or is it?

I said goodbye to Nicole and Rylee.  gave them both hugs.  both kisses.  they both winced as I kissed them.  they always do.  but not out of hatred.  out of love.  always out of love.  well…not always.  sometimes I am a complete ass.  I know it.  I accept it.  I am working on it.  always working on it.  sometimes I am working too hard on it.  always wanting to change ME.  change ME into what?  self help books and podcasts and Ted Talks and psychiatrists and psychologists and medications and friendly advice from  friendly friends who only want to help.  LOVE.  all out of LOVE.

I left our house and drove to the gym for a quick cycle while reading Henry Rollins.  NO MORE SELF HELP BOOKS.  I entered the gym and began to take off my boots when I ran into an old “gym friend” from my last gym.  we smiled at each other and discussed my love of cycling and reading at the same time.  she mentioned that she was just telling somebody about my odd habit of reading and cycling  and POOF…there I am.  or here I am.  anyway, we talked for about fifteen minutes.  we spoke about health and eating and recovery and kids and sports and mindsets and anything and everything that was positive.  I have always found her to be a positive woman.  always smiling.  always exercising.  always listening.  always engaging.  I looked at the clock and noticed that it was getting late and I had to meet a friend in about an hour so I told my gym friend that I had to go and she had to go too.  I quickly changed in the small change room (that’s what you get for going for a cheap gym) and walked out to the stationery bike with my Rollins book in one hand and my bottle of water in the other.  I was just about to hop on the bike when I looked at the clock again and realized that I only had a half an hour to work out.  I made a quick and rational (smart) decision to kaibosh the bike and read method of exercise for the fast run on the treadmill method.  no reading.  I ran hard.  I sweat.  I focused.  I ran hard.  I sweat.  I focused.  I ran hard.  I sweat.  I focused.  there were pretty girls around.  there always are.  just as there are “hot” guys around.  there always are.  temptations are everywhere but LOVE beats temptation.  REAL LOVE.  REAL CONNECTION.  FAMILY CONNECTION.  CONNECTION.  LOVE.

I finished my run and quickly showered in the small and tight shower.  I quickly got dressed and quickly left the gym to drive quickly over to Starbuck’s in Newmarket to quickly discuss business and ideas with my friend John.  everything quick in my life.  we had a quick meeting where we discussed numerous ideas and numerous plans of action.  there were pretty girls and good looking guys there too.  more temptations.  more focus.  LOVE.  REAL LOVE.  I drank my third coffee of the day and listened as John gave me his thoughts and ideas.  all to help me in moving forward with business.  with money.  with life.  after a quick one hour meeting I said “goodbye” to John and quickly got into my car to quickly drive over to  my next appointment.  a lunch date with my best friend Bob.  we met each other in the parking lot of the Italian Restaurant and gave each other a big high five complete with a big smile and walked into the restaurant, ordered our food and sat down.  Bob paid of course.  LOVE.  REAL LOVE.  we hadn’t seen each other in awhile as I always bail on events.  on get together’s.  too far to drive or too lazy or too depressed.  not sure.  never sure.  but one thing that is for sure is that when I do see my friend’s I am instantly reminded just how great they are.  so loving.  so caring.  so friendly.  so funny.  so understanding.  the best friend’s one could ever hope for.  we used to discuss banging girls and getting wasted.  but now we were discussing healthy eating habits.  healthy sleeping patterns.  Bob always helping me with work.  money.  two guys that have known each other for over forty years through ups and downs sitting in a restaurant for lunch discussing life.  seemingly unimportant but the importance resonated with me in a huge way.  a very huge way.  a friendship that is soooooo unconditional that you would think we were brothers.  LOVE.  REAL LOVE.

our food was fantastic and then we both left.  I told Bob that I was meeting his sister, Michelle, at Starbuck’s to discuss Naturopathy and proper foods for blood type etc.  Bob told me how she has helped him with proper foods and education on healthy foods etc.  he told me about his struggles with life and I told him about my struggles with life.  life filled with so many great times but also so many hard times.  even when people seem so free and fun and “together” and seemingly in full control over their lives and their happiness there are some tough times.  we are all human after all.

We both drove over to Starbuck’s to meet his sister and when we arrived Michelle gave Bob a huge hug and a huge kiss.  LOVE.  REAL LOVE.  she then gave me a hug and Bob and I ordered our drinks.  we sat down and engaged in some small talk and then Bob had to leave.  he had some work to do.  I gave him another high five and he left.  I then “caught up” with Michelle as we hadn’t seen each other in probably ten years.  twenty years.  wow time flies.  after catching up on life which involved us both talking about our families and our struggles but also about our families and the great times we then moved onto foods and health and parenting and then more family stuff.  everything seemed to involve family.  friends.  LOVE.  REAL LOVE.  after about an hour of engaging and insightful talks we both had to leave.  Michelle had to pick up one of her kids and I had to get back to my family as we were going to yoga together.  Tuesdays are double yoga class night for us.  me in the front row and Nicole and Rylee in the back.

we arrived early.  we always do.  Taylor, one of the instructors,  informed Rylee that the speech that she did for school on Go Yoga was going to be put up on the Go Yoga website.  Rylee was beaming.  glowing.  smiling.  excited.  she was upset last week after delivering her speech to her class because her teacher told her that it was just “okay” and this positive news more than made up for that letdown.  Rylee is so beautiful.  so caring.  so honest.  so real.

the class was full and Explosions in the Sky was playing in the background.  such powerful music to go along with long and deep stretches and poses.  my mind was calm.  serene.  I felt such an energy of love and acceptance in the class.  always do.  “just be.”  always “just be.”   the more that I relaxed into the poses the more that I heard the powerful music and the more that I heard the powerful music the more that I thought of my life and my family and my friends and my never ending support and unconditional love from everyone.  it was so powerful.  so real.  so clear.  an explosion of tears.  an explosion of love.  an explosion of feelings.  an explosion of gratitude.  everything exploding.  but good exploding.  not bad exploding.

tears flowing but me not wanting them to stop.  i love feeling.  feelings always more powerful than thought.  tears flowing.  tears flowing.  tears flowing.  flow.  flow.   flow.

LOVE.

REAL LOVE.

SUPPORT.

REAL SUPPORT.

FRIENDS.

REAL FRIENDS.

LIFE.

REAL LIFE.

MOM AND DAD.

DOM.

NICOLE.

RYLEE.

MY FRIENDS.  MY MOST AMAZING FRIENDS AND THEY ARE PLENTY.

MY EXTREME LOVE GOES OUT TO ALL OF YOU.

ALL OF THEM.

WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS.  WE SOMETIMES STRUGGLE.  WE SOMETIMES HURT.  BUT WE ALSO SOMETIMES LOVE.  SOMETIMES HAVE FUN.  SOMETIMES EXCEL.  SOMETIMES FAIL.

BUT LOVE.

LOVE CAN NEVER TEAR US APART.

NAMASTE.