after three weeks of incessant panic and incessant thinking I have finally slowed down enough to write. slowed down enough to relax. slowed down enough to feel. FEEL. always more important than THINK. I put on some great music filled with great lyrics and unique sounds coming from ukuleles and guitars. sometimes even a piano sneaks in to make me feel more. think less. relaxation brings about clarity. ego brings about noise. frustration. anger. too many highs and many more lows. chatter. noise. opinions. who’s right. whose wrong. political nonsense coming from the ego’s of both parties. both followers. both sheep. following ego driven men still trying to prove their manhood. their worth. maybe they didn’t get laid enough when they were younger and now, with shrivelled up penises, they try to conquer. they try to bully. they try to pound their average brains down the throats of the average sheep that constitute their fan base. their followers. their robots.
these ego driven men ruining the sporting experiences of our youth as well. old dried up white men who can no longer play the game trying to pass down their knowledge (knowledge from fifty years ago) to frightened young boys. frightened young girls. screaming maniacs that should be put in an asylum are running and ruining amateur sports at record rates but no one seems to notice. No one seems to care. the screaming parents applaud the behaviour of these belligerent coaches. and if a kid cries and tells their parents that they are not having fun and the coach yells too much they get scolded and told that they are soft and “suck it up buttercup.” a sad and angry society filled with vitriol and ego running our world into the shitter. needless wars. needless deaths. needless murders. needless gun shootings. needless poverty. needless politicians. a society filled with so much “needlessness” and so little LOVE. so little COMPASSION.
where have we gone wrong?
instead of looking at our world and our useless leaders of yesteryear and realizing that hatred solves nothing. we applaud such buffoons. trump. doug ford. rob ford. steve jones. steve bannon. irrelevant robots put on a pedestal by sad individuals looking for hope. looking for a scapegoat. looking for answers outside of themselves when all the answers are inside. love. peace. stillness. love.
why do we allow old washed up coaches and teachers to ruin the experiences of our youth? WHY???
the extreme love and extreme joy that I experience when I see my daughter laughing. smiling. engaging in play. engaging in sports without fear. learning. failing. growing. loving. communicating. ups. downs. wins. losses. tears of joy. tears of sadness. this is life. it is filled with so much positive. so much negative. but why does it need to be filled with angry washed up adults yelling and screaming over a missed pass or a missed scoring opportunity???
such sad and pathetic behaviour and then we wonder why our kids are filled with such anxieties. such fears.
life is love. not hate. choices.
on Sunday night I witnessed my daughter audition for a theatre company for the very first time and I was petrified for her. I know the anxiety that I experience in those rooms. but I observed her with love. with support. I listened to her audition as clearly as I could but I, like many other loving parents, was so worried. so scared. I just wanted her to do well. to do her best. to have fun. I listened with bated breath and she BLEW ME AWAY with all of her confidence and quirkiness. she is such a real kid in an inauthentic world and I couldn’t have been more proud of her.
she opened the door after her audition and looked at us with that look of, “did I do good?”
but she didn’t have to say anything as I took her in my arms and gave her the biggest hug I have ever given her and said, “Rylee, you did absolutely amazing!!! I am soooooooo proud of you. WOW!!!! You should be soooooo proud of yourself.”
her eyes and her HUGE heart lit up unlike any other time before. she then went to her Mom and her Mom gave her a huge hug and said, “we are both sooooo proud of you Rylee. You stepped out of your comfort zone and you did not seem nervous and you were confident and funny and we could not be prouder of you for just being you.”
Rylee held on tightly to Nicole as she broke down in tears. real tears from such a real human being. a real human being filled with soooooo much love and soooooo little hate. a kid that could teach us all a huge lesson. a kid that offers up so much more to this world than the blustering politicians with their fake smiles and fragile egos.
Rylee…love…heart…soooo beautiful. inside and out.
such an angel.
such a beautiful person.
such a big heart.
such a big soul.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
I will no longer allow hatred to win.
I want to continue my rant against needless politicians and abusive coaches but I choose LOVE.
love.
family.
life.
JOY.
notanotherphony. 