lost. confused. frustrated. frustrated with myself. frustrated with family. frustrated with the system we live in. frustrated with my brain. frustrated with life. a never ending cycle of mental issues. emotional issues. car issues. work issues. love issues. life issues. parenting is not for the faint of heart. nor is marriage. nor is working for yourself. challenging the system. fifty one years old and still trying to figure out the proper medications to focus my brain. focus my life. uppers. downers. sidewinders. back to uppers. back to downers. then a sidetrack to nothingness. nothing but hikes and tea and exercise and hugs and kisses and reading books and meditating and taking classes and watching TED Talks and then more tea and then sleep. attempt to sleep. toss and turn. toss and turn. toss and turn. then more classes. a few successes but the successes still filled with extreme fears and extreme anxieties no matter how much chamomile tea I drink. no matter how many pills I take. the cycle continues. the hikes continue. the frustrations continue.
I am tired. I am sick. I am hopeful but the hope slowly falling to the ground like a leaf falls to the ground in the Fall. slow and winding but still falling. the beautiful music helps. the incessant speeders do not. driving becoming a health hazard with so many fast cars and big bold trucks driving like it is their last day on earth. riding your tail. then riding mine. then speeding up to the next car. the next truck. in. out. in. out. up the ass of this car. up the ass of that car. and all for what? to get to their shitty jobs that they hate to make half assed money that they then spend on their trucks and their shitty houses and possibly shitty vacations. such sad lives. such meaningless lives. such typical lives in a typical society. so depressing as everyone is so depressed. lost art. lost community. lost passions. lost love. lost communication. everyone is lost but instead of connecting they are drifting further and further apart due to facebook and Instagram.
where are the real artists?
where are the activists?
where are the crazy ones?
where are the lovers of life? the lovers of love.
one life to live. one life to love.
at the moment it appears sad.
sad.
scattered.
confused.
hope.
hope for less politics and more art. but REAL ART. not shitty Canadian tv shows and shitty Hollywood films. zero art. ALL COMMERCE.
but the puppets fall into the dark hole.
but the dark hole is still wide open for the artists.
more feeling.
less thinking.
take in life.
take it in without fear.
CREATE.
notanotherphony. 