i sit in the dark because i don’t want to bother Murphy, my dog. it’s 6am and I can hear the wind howling outside. cold wind. cold air. snow. early winter mornings are tough but I love winter. love being outside. love the fresh air. wrist is sore. shoulder is sore. old age beginning. memory fading. skin sagging. hopes fading. opportunities waning. bank account shrinking. i just need a job to make some money but even JUST getting a job seems difficult these days. so confused as to what to do. what I want to to do. STUCK in my decision making process. need to sit down in silence and listen to my gut. sun is rising now. a new day. want my hair back. want my beard back. i look much older with my long bald scraggly grey hair but I feel better. maybe I am too exposed with my buzzed head and trimmed down beard. vulnerability. the power of vulnerability. great book. soooo truthful. the more vulnerable I am the better I am. empathy is huge too and I have a lot of it when I don’t wear a mask. human connection is big for me too. too or to? murphy is such a loving dog. he clings to me and drives me crazy, at times, but he is so LOVING. his eyes are so piercing.
Rylee is such a great kid and I wish I had a closer relationship with her. a vulnerable and caring and empathetic relationship. i will make that one of my goals. “be there” for her emotionally. really “be there”. Triggy is great too but she has put up too many walls. she’s too afraid to be seen. she has endured a lot of hurt in her life. she has chosen the path of shutting down and shutting out. but I will continue to try and help her break down her walls. underneath the walls is a beautiful human being with a beautiful heart and a beautiful soul.
FAMILY.
notanotherphony. 