Nicole’s birthday today but she pretends she doesn’t care. she pretends it means “nothing.” she pretends to not care and not feel. not worry and not despair. why pretend? what’s the point of pretending? in pretending, you’re avoiding. avoiding pleasure. avoiding pain. avoiding vulnerability. avoiding shame. years and years of avoiding and hiding leave you nothing but a hard shell and no friends. no family and no hope. the key to life is to be open. be alive. be vulnerable. why do people NOT see this? the only person you are fooling is yourself.
BE OPEN.
BE NAKED.
BE SILLY.
life is weird.
life is ridiculous.
life is a circus.
embrace the circus.
don’t follow the dull rules made by dull bankers with dull haircuts. be crazy. be alive. be open. be. see. me.
Monday morning sirens from a society that has gone mad. chasing false dreams and false homes. long commutes on dangerous highways chasing money from shitty jobs and shitty bosses. a race to nowhere for most but most don’t know any better. they wear nice slacks and breathable golf shirts. nice clean shoes and a nice clean shaven face. nice and dull. dull and boring. boring and predictable.
I need to shit again but I want to finish this chapter. chapter? chapter of what I do not know but I don’t want to know. i just want to write. no thought. no plan. open up my heart and open up my soul. old style writing that is restless and real. not dull and phony.
i hear the loud siren. i hear the loud birds. i hear my neighbour screaming at his wife or kids. i hear a small engine airplane flying overhead but still can’t see it. my shit is half out my ass and it is making me sweat (again). always shitting. always sweating. i wonder what people look like when they shit. i wonder what type of shits they have. how often. how much toilet paper do they use. i’m tingling from a weekend of booze. wanting to cut back but never really do. eating shit. drinking shit. crapping out shit.
July 4th, 1981. Nicole was born.
July 4th, 2022. It is Nicole’s 41st birthday.
she says she doesn’t care.
but she should care.
we should all care.
life is about living and caring.
DO NOT HIDE.
DO NOT PRETEND.
life will pass you by in an instant.
“TIME FLIES.”
what do you want to do?
JUST DO IT.
notanotherphony. 