another birthday passed for Triggy. another day older. another day. another day. just another day…for her. she no longer gets excited about things. she no longer gets excited about life. about fun. about work. about anything. anything and everything. nothing.
went to bed too late and got up too early. jerked off late and when I jerk off late I have a struggle getting to sleep. i had a great sleep nonetheless. great sleep. troubled sleep. why do I care so much about sleep? why do I worry so much about sleep? why am I troubled so much about sleep?
a tough day at work yesterday. tired. groggy. achy. tired muscles and a tired life. doing construction labour work at 55 is not what I envisioned as an excited child nor a curious and troubled teen nor a creative and passionate twenty something nor a driven, talented, and still passionate thirty something.
what happened?
where did time go?
where did my hopes go?
where did my life go?
tough day on the construction site.
good guys.
great customer. she cooks us lunch everyday. she makes us espresso. so friendly. so caring. Italian mother’s are always so caring. always so loving.
another shooting in the States yesterday. six dead. a Fourth of July celebration turning ugly. daily mass shootings. daily destruction. daily trauma. daily deaths. but nothing changes. the US are so stuck on their rights and freedoms. so stuck in the past. so stuck with old white men in old boring suits making rules for the whole company. an awful system filled with awful men. AND NOTHING CHANGES.
such common sense buried under the graves of old rich white dinosaurs who, once, thought they were important but were only really important to their rich friends and rich wives. dullness at it’s finest.
dull.
lacking intelligence.
no heart.
no soul.
no creativity.
no empathy.
no authenticity.
no… nO…NO…NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
DAD’S DEAD.
February 17, 1978.
Bernard Wavell Mckenna.
Architect.
Dad.
Friend.
Husband.
Soccer Coach.
Uncle.
A GREAT MAN.
A GREAT LOSS.
so sad.
LIFE ITSELF.
notanotherphony. 