three days of drinking, jerking, drinking some more and jerking some more.
i am now tired, beaten down, depressed, sad, lonely, and filled with SHAME.
why do i do this to myself?
why can’t i move forward?
why can’t i make decisions and be strong and open and vulnerable and available to my wife and daughter?
why do i have great advice for other’s but can’t use this same advice on myself?
my face is hot.
i am red and sweaty.
i am uncomfortable and i miss my dog.
i miss my wife and daughter too.
i also miss my dad.
it is sunday evening and i am alone and reflective.
is there any hope for me?
any hope for my family?
why is everything so difficult?
i miss youthful love.
i miss youthful exuberance.
i miss youthful innocence.
i miss youthful hope.
i am filled with anger.
i am filled with love.
i am filled with hope (somewhat).
i am filled with demons.
demonic life and demonic opportunities.
demons getting the best of me as i sit beaten down, tired, and alone and the itchy burn that is constantly there is winning the battle.
WAKE UP.
STAND UP.
FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE.
FIGHT FOR MY LIFE.
FUCK EVERYONE AND TAKE ACTION.
heat flashes have now started.
debaucherous at fifty-eight is different than debaucherous at twenty-eight.
i have matured in my debauchery.
i now wake up in my own home.
NO MORE WALKS OF SHAME.
NO MAS.
notanotherphony. 