death.

in the wake of the terrible tragedy in Connecticut today i have decided to give my thoughts on death.
my first experience with death as far as i know happened when i was ten years old.  it still affects me today much to the chagrin of certain family members.  my dad died at the age of thirty-six from a brain hemmorhage.  he was vibrant.  full of life.  full of energy.  the best dad ever…and he died.  dropped dead one cold february night way back in 1978.  february 17, 1978 to be exact.  for me it was devastating!!!  my mom and brother were devastated as well.  my mom never remarried and still lives in the same house in unionville that we lived in when my dad was alive.  my brother has moved on but he complains that he never got a chance to really know my dad as he was only seven when my dad passed away.  a family was in crumbles.  still is.  one death.  brain hemmorhage.  we didn’t witness it.  just heard about it.  sadness.  tears.  loneliness.  devastated.
  my second experience with death was my nana who lived with us at the time and who babysat my brother and I while my parents worked.  she died a month after my dad.  it was blurry.  i was still thinking about my dad.
  i also witnessed my mom also die as she had an overdose of painkillers while taking a bath and collapsed.  ambulance called.  annie, her friend, arrived to save her.  dom and i sitting in the hallway wondering what was wrong with us?  life was supposed to be fun.
  my mom survived…barely.  she was in pain.  the love of her life was no longer around to share everything life had to offer.  sad.
  then the principal of my school died in a horrific car crash on a snowy day in january and the school was devastated.  sadness once again.  prayers.  tears.  questions.  death.  grade seven.  twelve years old.  my whole life ahead of me.
  high school brought more deaths.  gary brown, a friend from grade school, was murdered one snowy winter day and found chopped up and buried in many pieces in a big snowpile.  why?
  a good friend of the family was killed before his twentieth birthday in a car crash while coming home from school.  snowy.  parents never recovered.
  then there were many rapes and murders of young innocent girls in the mid eighties.  sick.  sad.  terrified.  questions and no answers.
  one of my mom’s friends committed suicide.  why?  we’ll never know.  pain too painful.
  one of our neighbours also committed suicide.  no answers once again.
  my ex-girlfriend’s uncle committed suicide.  what is wrong with life?  no answers.
  funerals always bringing me back to my dad.
  mr. vine our close friend…dead…snowmobiling accident.  great guy.  dom and i stayed at the vine’s house the night my dad died.  close friends.  caring.  sad.
  grandad…dead.
  nana tait…dead.
  auntie chris…dead.
  maureen, my mom’s friend…dead.  cancer.
  my mom’s friend russ…dead.  cancer.
  jonah’s dad…dead.  cancer.
  uncle frank and auntie ann…dead.
  nicole’s nanny…the rock of the family…dead.  cancer.  we watched her live her last few days.  sad.
  still thinking about my dad.  still crying.
  wars.  9/11.  rapes and murders.  serial killers.  mass murderers.  death.
  watching the proceedings unfold today in connecticut…crying with triggy…watching and crying.  sadness.  empathetic.  imagining parents waiting in the fire station for information on their missing kids (babies really).  crying again.  thinking.  crying.  wondering.  life.  RYLEE.  soft christmas music on…more tears.
puting myself in the poor parents’ shoes.  putting myself in the poor childrens’ shoes.  desk crackling.  looking down and thinking sad thoughts once again.
please people…for the love of humanity…put yourselves in the shoes of these poor parents who are left devasted at christmas (they have probably already bought many gifts for their “LOVES”) and feel something.  please.  we need to change the way we live.  we need to change the way we treat others.  we need to think more about humanity and not just money and greed.  human beings are being lost daily in useless wars.  human beings are lost to murder.  human beings are lost to cancer.  human beings are lost to car accidents.  human beings are lost to depression and suicide.  BUT MOST OF ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE LOST TO LACK OF LOVE AND EMPATHY FROM FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS.  WHEN WILL WE ALL REALIZE THIS AND START TREATING ALL HUMAN BEINGS THE WAY WE WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED.  NO MORE EXCUSES.
  let’s get back to playing and interacting and get away from bad video games, bad movies, bad music, and “tweeting”.  HUMAN CONTACT IS NEEDED.
  life is short…love big and love all.