change.

i want to first start by saying that i am not perfect.  i have never professed to being perfect nor do i ever think i will achieve complete perfection.  but i strive to become as close to perfect as possible and i strive to be the best person i can be and lead the most exciting productive and fun life i can.
  this all starts by first looking in the mirror…my mirror…and deciding what is wrong with me and what i can do to change.  if you are completely happy with your life…no need to look in the mirror.  unless you want to fix your hair.  for me i look many times in the mirror.  and not to fix my hair as i am almost bald.  i look daily in the mirror and will look daily in the mirror until i die.  i want to grow.  always.  i want to learn.  always.  i want to evolve.  always.  thus i look in the mirror.
  this is not easy to do at times and sometimes looking in the mirror can be very depressing.  almost as depressing as never looking in the mirror and eventually dying a lonely, mundane, and irrelevant person.
  over the years i have seen numerous psychiatrists.  psychologists.  therapists.  read countless books.  some self help.  some philosophical.  some fiction.  some inspiring (biographies).  i have watched many intellectual and inspiring shows.  i have listened to many tapes on motivation.  i have read many articles on facebook.  i have watched many youtube motivational videos.  i have taken many different medications.  i have been to a.a.  i have been to an alcohol and drug rehab centre.  i have been to church.  i have had many intellectual conversations with friends.  i have exercised regularly.  i have observed my daughter.  i have listened to policemen.   i have shared my life with my wife.  i have written personal stories that i have shared.  i have tried reiki.  i have tried yoga.  i have attempted meditation.  i have gone to confession.  and i have prayed.
  not all of these things have been for my personal pleasure.  i could sit on my couch and watch reality shows.  i could choose to watch only movies that give me an escape from reality.  i could choose only to listen to music that is an escape from reality.  i could choose to only read books that make me dream of beautiful lovers in mystical places far far away.  i could choose to never comment on anything controversial for fear of being judged.  i could choose to never exercise.  i could choose to not look at the truth.  i could choose to convince myself that there is no point in growing and no point in fighting the system because nothing will ever change.  i could choose to sit back and accept every lie that govt’s and other authoritarians deliver.  i could choose to be status quo.  i could choose to be just another cog in the mundane system of life.  i could choose to accept my poorly paid job that i don’t like and try and force myself into some sort of happiness because “if you just think positive thoughts your life will be positive.”  I could choose to lie on facebook and tell everyone how great life is and pretend that “getting old is good because you have more wisdom.”  i could choose to sit back and watch others try and live their dreams because my dreams are unattainable.  i could choose to give up my life for my kids.  i could choose to follow rules that do not make any sense because they were written and put in place hundreds of years ago.  i could choose to follow the bible and only the bible.  i could choose to listen to every single thing my mom says because she is my mom. BUT I DON’T.  I HAVE CHOSEN THE PATH OF GROWING AND TRYING TO TAKE IN ALL THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER.
  another year has passed and i will look forward to the january posts on facebook about new year’s resolutions of losing weight and going to the gym etc etc etc only to stop seeing the excitement by february.  countless updates in january of exact exercise routines quickly get changed to posts about kardashians and typical vacations and dog posts and dog pictures and celebrity gossip.  it is the same every year.  i am all for the new year’s resolution but DO IT.  FOLLOW THROUGH.  MAKE THE CHANGES NECESSARY IN ORDER TO GROW OR AT LEAST ATTEMPT IT.  LOOK IN THE MIRROR.  CHANGE ONLY COMES ABOUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF OBJECTIVELY AND THOROUGHLY.  if you are happy then disregard this but i see a sick society out there.  a complacent society.  a dull society.  a society that lacks love.  that lacks compassion.  that lacks human interaction.  instead of watching kardashians… read a book.  exercise.  have a friend over and talk.  watch a truthful  movie.  a hard movie.  not a movie that is fluff.  there is a misconception out there that “depressing movies will make me sad.  my life is already sad i want to escape for a bit.”  BULLSHIT.  WATCH THAT DEPRESSING MOVIE BECAUSE IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL.  IT WILL SPARK CONVERSATION.  IT WILL STICK WITH YOU.  WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO ESCAPE?  ESCAPE WHAT?  I WANT TO LIVE AND EXPERIENCE LIFE.  I WANT TO FEEL NOT HIDE.  I WANT TO TALK NOT TEXT.  IF I WAS SINGLE I WOULD TRY AND FUCK AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE UNTIL I GOT MARRIED.  IS SEX BAD?  WHO MADE THAT STUPID RULE UP AND WHY ARE WE FOLLOWING IT???
    as always i start getting tired.  it is 1:19am on a sunday night.  i must go to sleep.  no wine tonight so i am pretty sure i will be tossing and turning all night.  before you criticize i have looked in the mirror on this one and i am trying to figure out healthier ways to fall asleep.  chamomile tea is good.
  once again if you are all happy and content with your lives then choose to not look in the mirror.  this year will be the same as the last which would have been the same as the one previous to that.  if you are okay with this then continue to do what you know best.  but if you want more out of life then start making some changes.  the first one would be to look in the mirror differently.
  good night and good luck.