i love my real friends.

grey cup has arrived.  it is sunday.  didn’t go to church.  never do.  didn’t pray.  never do.  once did.  never worked.  so now i don’t.
  i sit on the toilet.  i argue with Triggy.  she is pms’ing but i am wrong.  always wrong.  so i leave.  i walk to the streetcar stop.  i stand.  i wait.  always waiting.  always standing.  it is sunny.  it is cold.  no jacket.  never wear one.  usually hot.  today i’m cold.
  the streetcar arrives and i get on.  i walk to the back and sit down.  i look around.  i see a girl to my right reading a book by chuck palaniuk (not sure how to spell his name).  interesting.  looks good.  dark hair.  burgundy pants.  peaceful.  quiet.  slow.  there is a boy to the right of me as well.  sprawled out.  taking up three seats.  i am annoyed but remain calm.  I AM GOING TO THE GREY CUP.  avoid danger.  avoid pests.  avoid confrontations.  life becoming one big avoidance.  the boy looks over.  i look away.  do not want to release the rage…yet.  at some point it will be released.  I AM GOING TO THE GREY CUP.
  “look at this bitch.  BLOCKING THE WHOLE AISLE WITH HER STROLLER.  CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS BITCH?”  the boy across from me yells.  rage bubbling.  mine.  not his.  i continue to avoid him.  he is a pest.  i recognize him.
  “OH SHIT…LOOK AT THIS CAR.  HOLY FUCK!!!”  same boy screams.  obviously no filter.  everyone else silent.  should i engage?  should i engage?  NO.  i am smart.  for now.  no booze.  no fire.  I AM GOING TO THE GREY CUP.
  i stare out the window.  the streetcar getting busier.  two gay guys sit behind “the boy”.  “this is going to be interesting,” i thought.  gay guys talk.  the boy stares straight ahead.  tossing.  turning.  edgy.  restless.  angry.  not me.  HIM.
  “Tyler should stop treating me like that.  i don’t like it,” the one gay guy said to the other.
  “yes he should,” the other gay guy said back.
  the boy looked back.  back at the gay couple.  maybe a fight.  a staredown..
  “what?”  one gay guy said.
  “nothing…my name is Tyler.,” the boy replied.
  all three men (boys) laughed.  they began to talk.  open up.  reveal.
  “where are you going Tyler?”
  “going to score some dope.”
  “hope you don’t do hard drugs?”
  no way.  i used to do chrystal meth.  i was hooked.”
  “stay away from the hard drugs Tyler.  just stay away.”
  the talk continued and continued.  i was surprised.  the angry young boy was engaged in “real” conversation with the older gay couple.  all the boy needed was love.  respect.  understanding.  i was ready to give him rage but he got love instead.  i was happy for him.
  the ride progressed or digressed depending on how you looked at it.  it was slow.  always is.  ttc never the better way.  ttc forcing you to drive.  except when drinking.  sometimes.  i was getting close to my stop.  sudden yelling from the back.  drunken man.  old.  dirty.  white.  smelly.
  “GUANTANAMO BAY.  FUCKING GUANTANAMO BAY,” the old smelly white drunk man kept yelling.  not actually knowing where Guantanamo Bay is.  “MUSLIMS.  FUCKING MUSLIMS.  FUCK YOU.  FUCK THIS.  GUANTANAMO BAY.  FUCK,” drunk man continued.  he was restless.  the rest of the streetcar was silent.  as i was about to leave i noticed Tyler (boy) get up.  restless and edgy again.  “WHO THE FUCK IS YELLING BACK THERE?”  Tyler screamed.  no filter once again.  i exited the streetcar and began to walk towards the bar.  drunk, smelly, dirty, disgusting, old man was behind me.  too drunk to drink anymore.  Tyler the boy leans out of the window and yells at drunk pig.  drunk pig snaps out and runs at the streetcar and smashes his dirty hands on the glass in front of Tyler.  gay guys invisible.  i continue to walk and look back.  Tyler still screaming.  drunk guy yelling at other people.  everyone angry.  except me.  I AM GOING TO THE GREY CUP.
 i arrive at fionn macool’s on esplanade and see greek sitting down with his son Ben and Ben’s friend John.  wings.  calamari.  beers.  this is going to be a fun night.  always nice to see old friends.  how many times will i see Bill before one of us dies?  sad thoughts constantly creeping into my bald head.  we eat and drink some more and then head out.  Bill pays of course.  rogers centre is our destination.
  our walk is cold.  our walk is long.  our walk is uneventful.  too cold to laugh.  too cold to yell.  too cold to talk.  we walked.  and walked.  and walked.  we arrived.  we pulled our big plastic tickets out of our pant pockets and handed them to the pretty girls working at the ticket booth thingy and then walked in.  i got frisked.  i always get frisked.
  we quickly ordered two tall boys.  i got asked for i.d. (maybe she liked me).  then we went to our seats.  crammed in as usual.  i’m six feet tall and one hundred and eighty pounds and i am scrunched into my seat like a canned sardine.  uncomfortable.  painful.  how do guys six feet and five inches do it?  greedy corporations even ruining my grey cup experience…trying to ruin it.  NOT SUCCEEDING.
  we see Hank the Shank Ilesic, an old argo punter.  we laugh.  we yell his name.  he doesn’t respond.  why would he?  we order more beers.  more food.  look around.  and around.  and around.  head spinning.  we talk.  we laugh.  we drink.  periodically watch the game and periodically scream.  WE NEED MORE BEERS.  WE NEED MORE BEERS.!!!
  Luis Fernandes arrives.  with beers.  LOTS OF BEERS.  he is working.  we are drinking.  the game is getting better.  argos are winning.  the chants are beginning.  “AAAAAAAAAAARGOOS!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGOOOS!!!”  everyone drunk.  except the kids.  a big party.  old times back again.  old friends.  relationships the most important thing in life.  the game is getting close to half time.  the stadium is louder.  the people are drunker.  puke everywhere.  cheerleaders everywhere.  looking to get laid.  not me.  them.  JUSTIN BIEBER ARRIVES.  THE HALF TIME SHOW.  WHY JUSTIN BIEBER?  WHAT CORPORATE SUIT DECIDED THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?  bad decisions constantly in life.  rich people get away with them.  poor people don’t.  LIFE UNFAIR ONCE AGAIN.
  the cheering quickly became booing.  old white drunk cowboys don’t seem to like justin bieber.  his set ends quickly.  put out of his misery.  he and his “dancers” performed two songs.  justin lipsynched both…of course.  WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO OUR JUDGEMENT OF TALENT?  WE ARE A PATHETIC COMPLACENT DULL NICE BORING COMMUNITY.  YAY!!!  I AM SO CANADIAN!!!
  anyway, the useless half time show ended and we ordered more beers off of Luis.  we screamed more.  we drank more.  we talked more.  we laughed more.  I LOVE MY REAL FRIENDS.
  the argos continued to score.  continued to win.  we might actually have a winning team in toronto.  the crowd was getting louder.  drunker.  cops appearing.  fight breaking out.  does anyone actually watch the game?  the argos won.  we left.  we screamed, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGOOOOOOOOOOOOSSS!!!”  chaos.  excitement.  fun.  friends.
  Bill and his son Ben and Ben’s friend John left to get the car.  i walked to the streetcar.  it was still cold.  only this time i was drunk.  not angry.
  people were everywhere.  drunk.  screaming.  excitement.  toronto actually has a pulse.  i walked and i walked.  i love walking.  i spotted two dorks ahead of me.  both wearing matching leather ryerson engineering jackets.  geeks.  one walked with a bounce.  he also walked on his toes.  i didn’t know that people still did that.  it’s so 80’s.  anyway, the geeks in front of me bounced and bounced.  then the toe bouncer/walker grabbed a timmies coffee cup and threw it at the bank of montreal building.  glass window to be precise.  i watched and i wondered.  i looked again and thought, “why?  what’s the point?”  obviously these two geeks have never made love to a beautiful woman.  i have.  still do.  they obviously never will.  so sad.  so pathetic.  our world is filled with people like this and then i get arrested for telling a mcdonald’s manager that if he doesn’t leave me alone i will take my ski’s out and ski on his forehead.  LIFE STILL NOT FAIR.
  after witnessing the geeks vandalize bank of montreal i walked ahead on my journey home.  needed a coffee.  another addiction.  i was alone.  i was alive.  i walked onto queen st. and made my way west.  i saw the usual drunks..  the usual punks.  still needed a coffee.  saw the streetcar but didn’t take it.  enjoying my walk.  my freedom.  grabbed my coffee.  drank my coffee.  walked.  saw streetcar.  different one.  this one i took.  i got on.  sat.  drunk.  still looked at girls…i think.  long ride.  got off.  walked.  walked.  walked.  entered my condo.  walked through lobby.  didn’t see anyone.  got on elevator.  got off elevator.  entered my actual apartment and drank a glass of wine.  red.
OBSERVATIONS:
1.  i love my friends.
2.  love is better than rage.
3.  Tyler needed love that i wasn’t going to give him.
4.  gay guys offered Tyler respect.
5.  dirty angry white old drunk man screaming on the streetcar was dirty angry white and old.  also alone.  also sad.
6.  i love drinking.
7.  i love people watching.
8.  i love excitement.
9.  i am getting old.
10.  i love my family.
11.  people can boo justin bieber if they want.
12.  corporate suits sometimes make really dumb decisions.
13.  i love people.
14.  i love life.