JACK TAIT TOOK A SELFIE.

Jack Tait took a “selfie” of his one hairy nut and sent it to his doctor.  she immediately drove over to Jack’s remote farmhouse in the middle of nowhere and knocked on the door.  she knocked and she knocked.  Jack came out of his ugly bathroom after taking a big runny shit and finished off his beer.  he then walked slowly over to the pounding door and opened it up.
“Hi Doc.”
“Hi Jack…I am sooo horny.  I saw your hairy ball and felt it needed love.  disregard that I am married with three kids.  also disregard that I am your doctor and professionally jammed my right hand up your hairy ass last year.  disregard everything and anything and fuck the shit out of me Jack….please.  please.  please.  pretty please with sugar on top.”
“okay Doc.  I just blew my load but I can have a go.  let me finish off this beer and then one more and then I will fuck you.”
“okay Jack.  anything for you.  anything at all.”
Jack immediately grabbed his Louisville Slugger and began smashing the walls of his rundown farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.  he smashed and he smashed.  his penis was large and his one ball was ugly and dangling.  the Doc stood and watched.  she didn’t know what to do.  Jack began screaming.  “WHY???  WHY???  WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME GOD?  I HATE YOU.  I FUCKING HATE YOU.  IF YOU WERE HERE I WOULD RAM THIS BAT UP YOUR ASS AND THEN EAT A TOASTED WESTERN SANDWICH!!!”
  Jack then collapsed to the ground.  he looked over at his Doc and she was naked and touching herself.  Jack tried to jerk off but he couldn’t get hard.  his one ball could only muster one orgasm a day and he just finished after taking a big smelly runny shit.  he tried and tried.  all to no avail. 
  “can we rest a little first Doc and then I can get hard again.  really hard.”
  “you need to stay off the booze Jack.  Rule number one.  stay off the booze!!!”
  “it’s all I have left Doc.  it’s the only thing that doesn’t hurt me.  food hurts me.  women hurt me.  family hurts me.  friends hurt me.  government hurts me.  bosses hurt me.  bosses daughter’s hurt me.  cops hurt me.  lawyers hurt me.  dogs hurt me.  even priests hurt me.  everyone hurts me Doc.  everyone except Jack…Jack Daniels.”
  “well I think that you are sick Jack and that you need to fuck me in order to get better.  I demand that you fuck me.  FUCK ME RIGHT NOW JACK!!!  I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME!!!”
  The doctor began to cry.  she was naked.  saggy tits and hairy bush.  she had probably been fucked over 800 times and still wanted more.  she was just as lonely and sad as Jack but she had a title and a family.  Jack had one nut and a tricycle.  life never making sense.
  Jack passed out and the Doc left.
  She walked into her big house and kissed all of her big family.  she told them about her day and all the crazy patients she had and how she sometimes wishes she was a lawyer instead of a doctor and the family all tell her that she can do whatever she wants to do because she is so gosh darned talented.  she smiled and hugged her husband.
  Jack picked up a bottle of Jack and read the label.  he still hadn’t figured out if Jack Daniels was Bourbon or Whiskey.  he chugged a big chug and lay back down on his shitty purple reclining chair.  he was naked and itchy.  he touched his penis and it began to grow. “DOC…DOC…ARE YOU STILL THERE?  I’M READY NOW.  I’M GOOD AND READY!!!”
  birds chirped in the fields and Jack heard a siren in the distance.  it reminded him of when his Dad was suddenly rushed to the hospital with a brain hemorrhage.  he died.  he was thirty-six.  Jack was ten.  Jack misses his Dad.  he always misses his Dad.  he wonders why he was taken so early when so many assholes live until they are a hundred.  life is unfair.  Jack falls back asleep.  naked and alone.  his one ball scraping the orange rug.