sitting still for three straight days after knee surgery. bored. jerked off. read. watched the godfather part one and two. a few conversations and a few chocolate almonds.
restless but have difficulty doing anything. little motivation. haven’t been outside in three days. don’t want to go back to my job but i need the money. no money to do anything fun but still need to work in order to make barely enough money to barely survive.
i wish i had family connections.
life would be easier.
i have B.O. because i haven’t showered in three days nor have i put deodorant on.
what do i want to do with my life?
what job can make me enough money to survive?
are other people bored?
have other people made poor decisions?
i want to see my family more often.
i want to know more about my family.
what do they love?
who do they love?
what do they fear?
what do they hate?
what do they want to do with their lives?
are they sad?
are they happy?
do they ever want to talk?
TRAUMA.
HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED FROM TRAUMA?
HOW HAS IT AFFECTED THEIR LIVES?
i keep smelling my underarms and they continue to stink.
why are there so many wars?
why do we kill so many innocent people?
why do we allow politicians to ruin the world?
being healthy is important.
what a dull town that i live in.
what a dull country that i live in.
when was the last time that i fucked someone other than my wife?
when was the last time that i fucked my wife?
URGENT.
URGENT.
URGENT.
MAKE LIFE URGENT.
breathe too.
allow and live.
surrender and love but understand that life is NOT forever.
START LIVING AGAIN.
my body is sore and, although he drives me crazy, i love my dog.
i want to open up more.
i want to love more.
i want to feel more.
GO.
GO.
GO.
we are taught to “GO. GO. GO.”
i say, “STOP!!!!!”
stop going and start being.
be love.
be kind.
be curious.
connect with people and connect with nature.
HUMAN CONNECTION + TRAUMA = SADNESS.
notanotherphony. 