notanotherphony.

shoulders still sore.

not the greatest sleep.

NO MORE OXYS!!!

feeling awake.

knee feeling much better.

the world is in chaos but i work much better in chaos.

shoulders.

shoulders.

shoulders.

why do my shoulders hurt?

yoga.

meditation.

gym.

soups.

i want to eat more soups.

bring joy and freedom to people.

CHEER THEM UP.

money.

money.

money.

i must find a way to make more money.

what excites me?

what brings me joy?

what sets me on fire?

what do i love?

CREATE.

CREATING.

TALKING AND LEARNING.

deep dreams in a restless state.

NO MORE DRUGS.

SAY NO TO DRUGS?

jordan peterson?

pierre poilievre/

justin trudeau?

donald trump?

joe biden?

doug ford?

all healthy egos.

since when did jordan peterson become the expert on everything? he is a professor of psychology.

psychologists are usually as fucked up as their patients.

i know.

i wanted to become one.

a month into 2024 and my mind is getting clearer. my intentions are getting clearer. my angst is lessening. my ego is lessening and i have realized that we are all just as fucked and just as lost as each other but money masks a lot.

i had such vivid dreams last night. all involved women, drinking, almost fucking, waking up in random houses on random streets, and one even involved my male friend making a pass on me.

they also included trying to piece the nights together and having to somehow someway make it home to face the wrath of my wife.

SHAME.

i was in random bars.

random steamrooms.

random apartments.

i had random phone numbers.

i was getting kicked out of random hotels.

i had random clothes on.

i had some random and uneven moustache.

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE OF EPIC PROPORTION.

maybe the dreams were meant to show me that that type of life was not all fun and games.

lots of uncertainty.

lots of fun.

lots of confusion.

lots of shame.

SHAME.

STRESS.

CONFUSION.

ANXIETY.

UNCERTAINTY.

FUN NIGHTS.

LOTS OF LIES.

LIES AND DECEPTION.

TWO FEET FIRMLY PLANTED ON THE GROUND IS THE GOAL.

is it?

friday. 4am

coffee.

pouring rain outside.

djokovic got destroyed.

beard and hair getting longer and bushier.

i love looking dirty and different.

not sure why but i do.

murphy laying beside me.

triggy snoring in the other bedroom.

excited for a new day and a new half a dollar.

my knee is getting better and i am, currently, becoming more positive. more clear. more determined. working with a chip on my shoulder.

i prefer cities to suburbs.

more diversity.

more culture.

more energy.

more restaurants.

more entertainment.

more history.

more fire.

more alive.

more hopeful.

hopeful and energetic.

optimistic and energetic.

curious and energetic.

positive curiosity to live life and learn.

love and learn.

live and explore.

live and love.

love people.

love dogs.

love coffee.

love beer.

love wine.

love good food.

love good conversations.

love running.

love cycling.

love tennis.

love acting.

love creating.

love my family.

love fucking.

love the chase.

love the unknown.

LIVE LOVE AND LEARN.

wake up and make coffee.

begin to map my day out.

dog walk.

gym.

audition.

meditate.

work.

a rather dull day in a rather dull town.

why am i living here?

what are the benefits of living in this small boring town?

no culture.

no action.

no excitement.

no peace.

no inspiration.

i am living a daily routine of nothingness.

why not live by the mountains?

why not live by an ocean?

why not live in a big city?

what is the allure of a small town but a busy small town in the middle of nowhere?

it takes an hour and a half to drive anywhere. a slow death. a slow dull death.

how do i change this? what do i need to do to change this?

i sit and watch people living exciting lives while i walk my dog and jerk off. i am fifty-seven years old and searching for purpose. searching for meaning. searching for conversation. searching for fun.

STOP THE INSANITY.

WAKE UP.

NO MORE BOREDOM.

NO MORE RULES.

NO MORE FEAR.

NO MORE WASTING TIME.

TIME WASTERS AND FAKE ADS FOR FAKE POLITICIANS.

dull.

dull.

dull.

be the man that i aspire to be.

WRITE AND OBSERVE LIFE.

no work for two days in a row. flow of life? flow of my life? uncertainty or laziness? allowing the mind and body to be free.

two days of not working but dealing with a needy dog and living in a boring town. very little to do and very little inspiration.

REACH OUT.

REACH OUT.

REACH OUT.

my plan of not drinking during the week is proving to be way more difficult than i thought. i hold off until about nine or ten but then cave and i have one then two and, eventually, three glasses of wine.

DON’T JUDGE.

DON’T JUDGE.

DON’T JUDGE.

BOREDOM.

BOREDOM.

BOREDOM.

DULL.

STALE.

POOR.

POOR?

POOR BASED ON WHAT?

money isn’t everything.

we all die.

we all have struggles.

we all have ups and downs.

i prefer art over commerce.

i need to avoid time wasters.

need to avoid boring, “me me me” types.

dull people living dull lives.

wake up naked in a steam room with rats and snakes and the odd alligator but listening to dull stories from dull people.

women are physically beautiful. some are even interesting.

men are becoming less and less interesting. books are more interesting.

interesting stories.

interesting feelings.

interesting people BUT NOT the ones you find interesting.

RICH PRETTY PEOPLE BORE ME.