notanotherphony.

clear sunny day. mind clear. skies clear. nose clear. great day on set yesterday. construction machines going. birds chirping. another new day. focus. create. be better than yesterday. growth mindset. continue to bash down the walls. continue to bash down the barriers. daily acts of kindness to myself. realize that our society applauds frauds and passionless bores with lots of money and lots of financial connections. let them play their game of excess and debaucherous behaviour. hookers. fake wives. fake girlfriends. fake friends. fake employees. living a fake life with a false sense of confidence. these people bringing nothing to our society but money and greed.

do they ever find contentment?

do they ever find happiness?

do they ever self-reflect?

do i self-reflect too much?

will i ever find contentment?

will i ever find happiness?

BRING JOY TO PEOPLE.

BRING SORROW TO PEOPLE.

BRING LAUGHTER TO PEOPLE.

BRING HUMANITY TO PEOPLE.

BE A HUMAN BEING.

tell stories.

listen to stories.

create stories.

continue to look inwardly and DISCOVER WHAT SETS ME ON FIRE.

meditate on this.

really take a look at WHAT MAKES ME TICK.

have tough conversations.

have tough opinions.

have tough content.

BE REAL.

ALWAYS BE REAL.

RESTLESS AND REAL.

NOT DULL AND PHONY.

notanotherphony.

real people.

real stories.

real emotions.

tell my life story to help myself and help others.

BECAUSE FUCK THEM.

THAT’S WHY.

staying disciplined. loving meditation. finally understanding the benefits of it. deeper feelings. deeper emotions. deeper self. authentic self. allowing and acceptance. love over hate. letting go of thoughts. negative thought patterns. more free.

breathe.

breathe.

breathe.

back to my base.

BREATH.

it’s cold outside but need to run.

feeling bloated.

healthy.

healthy mind.

healthy body.

healthy spirit.

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY.

another new year which means a time to reset. a time to assess. a time to reflect. a time to refocus and a time to rethink.

discipline but fun.

fun but discipline.

change bad habits.

ingrain good habits into myself.

commitment.

dedication.

perseverance.

fun.

let go.

allow.

surrender.

tell powerful stories that make people feel.

real stories.

real people.

real emotions.

TRAUMA.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA.

look at it.

work on it.

allow it.

feel it.

understand it.

ACT. WRITE. LOVE.

surrender and allow.

LOVE.

RYLEE.

TRIGGY.

MURPHY.

ONE LIFE TO LIVE.

saturday morning. the weekend has arrived. keep talking. keep moving. keep thinking. feel more. think less. present and presents and presence. be present. be alive. engage. fuck. fight. fools. french fries. greasy spoons and greasy hair. greasy skin and greasy floors. the clock continues to tick. TIK TOK. TIK TOK. TIK TOCK.

where is the love?

where is the joy?

fight the negative thoughts.

fight the negative opinions.

fight negative people and negative energies.

ONE LIFE TO LIVE.

it’s cloudy at the moment but the sun will come out. sun and fun. fun in the sun. son. son. son. “i am dying my son. please take care of your mom and your brother. take care of yourself too. i will miss you all very much but such is life. and such is death.”

letting go and letting it all flow.

80’s love songs bringing me back to love and hope. butterflies and blushing face. exciting and nervous. nervous and exciting.

live fully in the moment and feeling everything and anything.

FEELINGS.

BIG BIG FEELINGS.

I MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH.

LOVE.

ANGER.

NERVOUS.

SADNESS.

EXCITEMENT.

JOY.

LOSS AND LOVE.

LOVE.

LOVE.

LOVE.

i miss you dad. i miss you sooooo much.

FEBRUARY 17, 1978.

“your dad didn’t make it chris.”

i feel awake today. no hangover. no pain. not a foggy brain. alert. sharp. hairy chest and slim body. today is friday. TGIF. TGIF. TGIF. another made up saying to keep us peasants chained to the bank accounts of old rich white greedy motherfuckers (CEO’S and BANKERS).

i want to move to mexico or tahiti or north west territories.

i before e except after c.

need adventure again.

need a pulse again.

need to create again.

need to explore again.

need to fuck again.

need to let loose again.

need to connect again.

need to have fun again.

needs and weeds and lots of leaves but one thing is for certain…I HAVE NO MONEY AND NO LIFE.

i have a job but it brings in little money and affords me no time for anything else.

“DOCTOR CAN YOU TELL ME MY PROBLEMS?’

“yes sir. you, my friend, need to SHUT UP and BUCKLE DOWN and WORK HARDER and STOP COMPLAINING. YOU ARE A PEASANT AND YOU SHOULD BE HONOURED TO WORK FOR THE MAN.”

“okay i will shut up and put my head down and put my brain away and work from dusk till dawn everyday except saturday and god’s day but on those days i will cut grass, do groceries, wash the car, get caught up on bills, clean the house, do laundry. OH SHIT IT IS SUNDAY NIGHT. DID I GET STUFF TO MAKE MY LUNCHES FOR THE WEEK?”

panic sets in. THE SUNDAY PANIC. it is a thing. a real thing in a real life.

THE DREADED SUNDAY EVENING ANGST.

five more days of drudgery for little pay and no life. can’t wait for the next weekend to arrive.

“HEY DOC. WHY AM I WISHING AND WHISKING MY LIFE AWAY?”

“well sir. you are a problem. you have adhd, anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and PTSD. i will give you a prescription for many pills and i am positive that this will help you.”

“thanks doc…i really appreciate your love and care.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE!!! MY NEXT VICTIM IS WAITING FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!”

“okay…sorry doc…i am so sorry. i know how important you are. is love good?”

“SHUT UP!!!!!”

“okay bye.”