Tag: anxiety

MINIONS AND MENTAL HEALTH.

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knee in severe pain and my mind is busier than ever. also more depressed and less hopeful. the cost of living is becoming higher and higher and the jobs that pay well are becoming less and less.

GREED AND CORRUPTION ARE BECOMING MAINSTAYS OF OUR WORLD.

trudeau. biden. trump. ford. poillievre.

they are all part of the same team. and we are all fooled into thinking that one party and one person is drastically different than the rest.

NOT TRUE.

in canada where we, supposedly, have a great system of free healthcare and i cannot get a proper doctor to take the time to figure out what is my best option to treat my adhd. i can’t get the right meds. i can’t get the right coaching. i can’t get proper psychotherapy. my knee is in severe pain and is severely swollen but my options are sitting in the emergency waiting room for four hours or go to my family doctor or walk in clinic who will, then, pass me over to another clinic who will, then, give me an appt in two weeks time for an x-ray on my knee. if i had money (LOTS) i could have all of this sorted out in a day.

we live in a corporate capitalistic country. accept it but do not buy into it.

on top of that does anyone really care about one man’s pain? one man’s struggle?

MENTAL HEALTH BULLSHIT CAMPAIGNS.

MENTAL HEALTH BULLSHIT CAMPAIGNS.

MENTAL HEALTH BULLSHIT CAMPAIGNS.

little love.

little hearts.

little souls.

DO NOT FIT IN.

STAND OUT.

STAND UP. STAND OUT. LOVE.

FEAR.

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the debates continue.

the wars continue.

the lack of solutions continue.

constant lies.

constant deception.

constant failures.

why do we have governments in place that never help?

never solve.

never think.

never give.

never succeed?

and what is succeeding as a government?

what is succeeding as a politician?

big paycheques and big handouts from lobbyists. such a good game. such a corrupt game. such a game of illusion.

WE STILL VOTE.

VOTE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

TRUMP.

FORD.

TRUDEAU.

POILLIEVRE.

BIDEN.

BUSH.

really?

these are the leaders of the free world?

is our world free?

free to speak our minds?

free to say and do what we want?

rules in place to keep the peasants down.

rules and media in place to look down on the poor and fear the poor at the same time.

fear the black man.

fear the terrorists.

fear gay people.

fear thy neighbour.

fear the cops.

fear the government.

fear the weather.

fear thy enemy.

fear being jailed.

pounding us into submission while they sip champagne and laugh at their dull jokes with their dull wives and dull suits.

such a sad and pathetic comedy show.

I WILL NEVER VOTE AGAIN.

LOUD AND PROUD.

i will find better ways to make our world a better place.

marriage is one big pile of shit.

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who likes marriage?

who LOVES being married?

stuck with the same woman for your whole life.

stuck doing the same dull things.

stuck doing the same dull routines.

stuck following the same dull rules.

talking but nobody listening.

making money to spend the money on useless items.

useless clothes.

useless appliances.

useless garden mulch.

constant arguing.

constant bickering.

constant boredom.

constant stress.

constant tip-toeing around the house.

constantly on edge.

watching my every move and my every word for fear of judgement and fear of disrespect.

a house filled with childhood trauma.

childhood trauma equals shame and pain. anxiety and depression. pills.

childhood trauma equals shame and pain. anxiety and depression. pills.

childhood trauma equals shame and pain. anxiety and depression. pills.

LIFE SHOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER.

LIFE CAN BE SO MUCH BETTER.

MAKE LIFE BETTER.

DON’T SETTLE.

FUCK THE OPINIONS AND GET SHIT DONE.

MAKE SHIT HAPPEN.

CREATE SHIT.

SHIT.

SHIT.

SHIT.

make things matter.

mind over matter.

LIVE LIFE.

dull and bored and rejected and lacking fun and lacking excitement.

lacking love.

lacking support.

MARRIAGE IS ONE BIG PILE OF SHIT.

why did i get married?

i should never have gotten married.

i don’t need anybody because nobody needs me.

DO ME.

BE ME.

BE FREE.

do not live for anyone else.

sad but that is my life.

LIFE IS SOOOOOOOOO DULL.

orangeville. WHY?????????????????????????

time to run.

LIFE 101.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

another beautiful grey day outside. cool. damp. windy. head still foggy even though i drank less last night and went to bed early.

sitting on a patio in a plaza. body tingling. back to school tomorrow. Rylee’s last year of high school. she’s such a great kid. she’s overcome many obstacles and encountered many buffoons. but she is resilient. her parents (us) always in a state of mental health issues. nicole letting me “in” yesterday. vulnerable. open. honest. love. that’s all i ever ask for. openness. honesty. vulnerability. who gives a flying fuck about big houses and big cars? i just want a life filled with great communication and great wine. great love. great talks. life can be so beautiful if we would only just get out of our own way.

so much beauty in the world.

so much joy.

so much pain.

so much love.

so much phoniness.

so much inspiration.

connect with joyful people.

connect with authentic people.

connect with inspirational people.

STAY AWAY FROM PHONIES.

back sore. must have tweaked it running. too much weight equals sore knees and sore back. i’m always torn between letting go and FUCKING EVERYTHING and focusing with complete discipline and complete health. healthy eating. healthy sleeping. healthy drinking. healthy exercise.

the problem with mental health is that when you are aware of your mental health issues and mired in “fixing yourself” there is NEVER an end game. books after books. psychotherapists after psychotherapists. yoga. meditation. daily affirmations. daily tea.

so much time is fixated on fixing yourself that you never have time to live your life. never relax. never fully “let go” and be free and say “FUCK IT. LET’S GO!!!”

stuck in people pleasing. stuck in worrying about what other’s think. stuck in past failures. past abuses. past scrapes. past bruises. past. STUCK IN THE PAST.

why do we get STUCK in the negatives of the past instead of the positives?

LIFE 101.

the art of getting out of my own way.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

anxious. anxious thoughts but deep breathing. healthy mindset is the goal. mindfulness. healthy mind and body.

LOVE.

CONNECT.

LISTEN.

EMPATHY.

keep breathing.

keep listening.

keep living.

keep empathizing.

HUMAN CONNECTION.

LIFE.

WE ARE ALL ONE.

have to keep looking inward to discover or to figure out where my anxiety comes from. where my people pleasing comes from. where my SHAME comes from. where my lack of confidence comes from. when did it start? why did it start? who helped start it? forgive them. accept them. accept my anxiety. once accepted it will begin to dissipate. learn to accept my feelings. the flow of life. practice the art of getting out of my own way. look inward (repeating myself). constantly look inward.

feel.

feel.

feel.

what am I feeling?

BREATHE.

THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY.

THE POWER OF NOW.

TRIGGY.

RYLEE.

MURPHY.

MOM.

DOM.

DAD (i miss you).

family.

love.

connect.

feeling butterflies in my stomach.

mind is blurry.

another wasted day.

BREATHE.

BREATHE.

BREATHE.

MEDITATE.

MEDITATE.

MEDITATE.

love.

acceptance.

empathy.