books – notanotherphony.

i don’t know where to start or how to start so i’ve just decided to start. starting is always better than thinking about starting. it’s always better than over analyzing. it’s always better than talking about starting. nothing is perfect. no one is perfect.

embrace my flaws.

embrace your flaws.

i met a wonderful girl (woman) yesterday while working in whitby. she saw me sweating buckets and struggling physically so she offered to get me some water. i was planting trees at her condo complex. she went up to het apartment and returned a few minutes later with two bottles of cold water. what a wonderful gesture of kindness. i stopped to take a drink and we started talking about life. typical questions at first. “how long have you lived here? where did you live before? what’s your background? where did you go to school?”

abby (that was her name) said that she just moved into the condo. she was living with her parents before buying the condo. her parents live close to her which makes things easier. she said that she just graduated from a private college in toronto. she studied theology and music. i asked her if she was religious. “yes, I’m a christian, ” was her response.

we proceeded to talk for the next hour or so. it was HOT. i needed the break.

my connection with abby was wonderful and beautiful.

we spoke about purpose and god and religion and love of family and passions and more purpose and ideas for careers and ideas for living truthfully and authentically. her and her dad had just started a church and she wanted me to join. but she wasn’t pushy. she wasn’t judgey. she was open and loving and caring and we had such a beautiful connection.

just before i returned to work abby asked if she could pray for me and i said, “of course.”

she asked me to close my eyes and she then proceeded to ask god to help me find my purpose. help me find peace. help me find joy and love and to look out for me. it was beautiful although i did feel a little awkward standing in a garden with a stranger with our eyes closed and her praying for me. but i felt free and filled with love and human connection.

abby was a blessing for me.

a reminder of love.

a reminder of humanity.

a reminder of life.

great sleep. long drive to work. great day in a sleazy city that is home to many drunks. many skunks. many crackheads. whores. pimps. drug dealers and hoes. no beaches. no toes. moes. slows. throws. rows. toes. toes. already said toes. BOZ. BOZ. BOZOS AND HOPES. HOPS? hoppy beer and sweaty balls. great work day or am i fooling myself? nails too long. stomach grumbling. wife snoring. always snoring. always grumbling. unhappy but refuses to admit it. am i unhappy too? how to thrive in a shitty town? dull. boring. far away. far away from excitement. far away from life. life and death and then we die. some die young and alive. many die old and dead. deadly living and living deadly. dull. dopey. monotonous. slow. lacking uniqueness. lacking heart. lacking soul.

FUCK THEM.

never believe the hype. the loud ones are always the dull ones. the wrong people have reality shows. dull lives that they feel are exciting. useless and hairy. harry carey. carey hewson. carson fife. steve vine. vino. red over white but i’ll drink anything. drinking is more exciting than NOT drinking. drinking and driving. driving and blowing. blowing and falling. falling down drunk and alone. alone and desperate. desperate and alone. sad. rundown buildings in exciting rundown cities. rich cities with dull people. fake. fake suits. fake cars. fake money. fake lives. twenty minutes until take off. i almost felt like driving my car off the road today. drive my car into a ditch and see what happens.

NO WAY OUT!!!

who likes this town?

NICE?

DULL?

SHIT?

BORING?

free coffee.

starbucks always hire cute girls.

friendly.

alive.

bubbly.

not dead.

ALIVE AND KICKING.