writing – notanotherphony.

BIG SAD FISH.

August 29, 2026 notanotherphonyLeave a comment

i continue my journey.

monday morning.

no more monday morning blues.

each day is a new day to grow.

each day is a new day to learn.

each day is a new day to give up old habits and bring in new and more empowering ones.

be open.

be vulnerable.

be present.

be.

me.

keep opening up my heart.

keep opening up into my soul.

i caught a big fish last night.

i was ice fishing with a big group of buddies.

i put my line in and pulled out a big fish right away.

but i, instantly, felt bad for the fish.

i didn’t want to hurt the fish.

i asked others to take the hook out of it’s mouth.

then the fish just sat there.

laid there.

a huge group of people watching me. i wanted to throw the fish back in the lake. back in the hole.

i sat and thought.

i sat and felt.

loud groups of people surrounded me. i kept telling them that i wanted to throw the fish back in the lake.

they called me a “sissy” and a “wimp”.

they called me a “pussy”.

i sat there stuck in thought.

stuck in my feelings.

i felt the burning stares.

i felt the judgements.

i felt the anxieties.

but then i made my decision and made my move.

i grabbed a plate and scooped up the sad and dying fish and quickly walked it to the small fishing hole in the ice.

people yelling at me.

people judging me.

people mocking me.

i fought through the heckles and judgements and placed the fish back in the water.

I DID WHAT I WANTED TO DO.

I LISTENED TO MY HEART.

I LISTENED TO MY SOUL.

I TRUSTED ME AND DID WHAT I FELT WAS RIGHT DESPITE THE MOCKING AND JUDGEMENTS.

DO THE RIGHT THING.

BE ME.

healthcare for the elderly.

July 18, 2026 notanotherphonyLeave a comment

i may be coming closer to feeling better and healing my achy body and achy mind.

after another visit to my surgeon in regards to my painful swollen knee he looked at me in an “I GIVE UP MODE.”

he was at a loss.

he drained my knee, again, and then suggested i see a rheumatologist. he thinks i could have rheumatism or rheumatoid arthritis.

after my initial fear and frustration i left his office and went home. still limping. i quickly went on the computer and looked at signs and symptoms of this possible ailment.

very similar symptoms to what i was experiencing.

i booked an appointment to see my family doctor and then went through her notes after all of my blood tests were done.

the results were mostly good but there were two, CRP and FERRITON, where my levels were slightly high.

in seeing this, i researched these two and it looks like raised levels of both of these will cause inflammation in the body.

I AM GETTING CLOSER.

because of this my wife, she sometimes cares, suggested she buy a bottle of tylenol for arthritis and i took two before bed. my sore arms and sore shoulders felt much better.

i had a much better sleep.

today i woke up with less pain and less stiffness.

i will continue with these meds as i continue to ween off all other meds for various “made up” mental health issues.

I WILL ALSO RESEARCH MICRODOSING MAGIC MUSHROOMS.

I WILL BEAT THIS AND GET BACK TO MY SELF VERY SOON.

moral of the story…when i was younger i was helped more by the system and helped more by the doctors. they seemed to care. but now that i am older (old) i must do all of my own research and make sure that i follow up with my doctors as they don’t seem to have much urgency with the elders.

IS OUR HEALTHCARE SYSTEM FAILING DUE TO ALL OF THE CUTS BY OUR GREEDY POLITICIANS?

PROBABLY.

SNAKY SNAKES AND THE POTATO HEADS.

sad and tired.

April 25, 2026 notanotherphonyLeave a comment

sore still.

now my legs and knees and groin and back and shoulders and arms are all sore.

is it the boots that i am wearing?

i need a deep deep massage and new workboots.

also new running shoes.

i always “need” but i never have enough money for my “needs.”

where to get a job that, actually, pays me enough money to live?

search.

ask friends.

think up ideas.

brainstorm.

believe in myself.

i can do anything i set my mind to so set my mind to doing what i love to do.

come up with a plan and execute it.

why is this taking so long to do?

what is stopping me?

I AM HOT TODAY.

I AM TIRED TODAY.

early hours are killing me.

LITERALLY KILLING ME.

fix or heal one thing at a time.

one day at a time.

tomorrow is a new day.

daily habits but make the habits doable.

write.

run.

stretch.

meditate.

write.

run.

stretch.

meditate.

BELIEVE.

storytelling.

time.

April 25, 2026 notanotherphonyLeave a comment

mind manic and foggy.

too many books.

too many pills.

not enough exercise.

not enough confidence.

not enough time.

the walls are caving in and things seem tighter.

my shoulders and arms are in constant pain.

my knee is swollen.

my bank account is shrinking and i have a stale marriage in a stale town.

EXERCISE TODAY.

be more me.

be more selfish.

take the reigns.

we need a community of artists to make films that matter.

films that mean something.

we have enough garbage production on the market.

DON’T BE ANOTHER ONE.

the loudest are the dumbest.

the quiet ones are the smart ones but, in being smart, have too many doubts and too many fears. too many thoughts on too many topics.

i, sometimes, wish i liked coors light and had a man cave.

i want to go away and see other places. see other cultures.

orangeville is too dull for me.

routine is boring and painful for me.

too many people offering advice but i am, now, passed listening.

i am in a different period of my life.

i am old.

i am bald.

i am in pain.

my brain is foggy.

my hopes and dreams are fading.

CAN I GET OUT OF THIS STRUGGLE?

CAN I GET OUT OF THIS PAIN?

write daily stories.

to pill or not to pill. that is the question.

April 25, 2026 notanotherphonyLeave a comment

going insane.

little by little life is pushing me further and further into some sort of irreparable feelings of frustration, anger, and total boredom.

daily dog walks filled with frustration.

daily jerks filled with frustration.

daily work filled with frustration.

frustrating lies and frustrating lives.

is anybody truly happy?

and what have they done to achieve that happiness?

were they born into real privilege and born into real money?

breathe.

another day down the drain.

the drain filled with bad food and sad hope.

hoping for better lives but doing very little to change.

exercise perhaps?

i have allowed too many people to make too many decisions for me.

i wonder how bored i will be tonight?

probably just as bored as last night and the night before that and the one before that and the week before that and the month before that and pretty soon you look back on twenty years of your life and wonder if you have been bored for those twenty years too.

i look around and see so many dull houses with the same dull paint jobs and the same dull lawns.

are there countries out there that would better suit me?

i find canada very safe but very dull.

yes.

i need to be more positive.

i need to meditate.

i need to see psychotherapists and i need to change in order to live my best life.

read healthier books.

have more gratitude.

more surrendering.

how much more inner work do i need to do in order to be fixed?

and fixed from what?

getting molested?

losing my dad?

being arrested for mouthing off to a mcdonald’s manager when i was eighteen?

is fixing myself “shutting up” or “shutting down?”

aren’t we all supposed to be unique and aren’t we supposed to surrender and accept?

but do we only surrender and accept the one’s who follow society’s rules and follow the handbook on how to be a mature adult?

have we gotten so pathetic that there is a job out there that makes a lot of money called a “social media influencer”?

and do these “influencers” have any value or insights that challenge anything in this world?

are they just hot guys and hot girls smiling and showing off their bodies?

in an interesting twist of fate or in an ironic twist of fate and/or a valuable and treasured observation,

I WOULDN’T EVEN FUCK THESE FAKES AND I WOULD PRETTY MUCH FUCK ANYTHING.

i’m not sure if that’s because i was molested or because of my adhd, bipolar disorder, shame, anxiety, or just plain high testerone levels?

or is it because of my objectification of women?

do i objectify women?

and do women not objectify HOT MEN?

do we all walk around objectifying everyone?

do we all wish we had open sexual relationships and less shackles and handcuffs?

is that why we admire youth?

is that why we reminisce about our youth?

is marriage weighing us all down?

are society’s rules weighing us all down?

GUILT.

SHAME.

GUILT.

is any of it necessary?

does anyone really care?

while i am trying to sort out my life and my “inner child”, politicians and other leaders are ruining countries and ruining the world. these leaders are committing fraud and committing murder.

rapes.

murders.

orgies.

debaucherous behaviour.

debaucherous lies.

debaucherous smiles.

debaucherous platforms.

USELESS MAGGOTS.

but we are useless sheep for putting these sick individuals on some sort of pink pedestal.

one day i want to be a priest.

the next day i want to be an angry tortured writer of truth.

nobody wants the truth.

“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH.”

almost another day gone.

my head is fuzzy.

or my brain is foggy.

fuzzy and foggy.

so many people pulling so many scams.

“to do” lists filled with cleaning and paying taxes and more cleaning and more paying of bills.

WHAT HAPPENED TO DRINKING AND WHAT HAPPENED TO FUCKING?

so many people living lives filled with quiet desperation.

i wonder if it will snow again tonight?

my dog is constantly staring at me.

I NEED TO MOVE.

I NEED A CITY.

I NEED LIFE.

I NEED ART.

ART.

REAL ART.

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP BARKING!!!

BARKING.

CRYING.

BARKING.

CRYING.

BARKING.

CRYING.

shit…maybe these pills aren’t working after all.