woke up at 5:30am. had two coffees. one shit. one conversation with my wife. one with my dog. psychiatrist appt in 10 minutes. got paid. so did my wife. bank account getting smaller as i work longer. work harder. doing the opposite of “living the dream”. at least i’m not dead. at least i’m not in jail. at least i have two legs and a big heart.
my dog lays comfortably beside me.
calm.
relaxed.
content.
it will be a sad day when he is no longer with us or when he gets old and becomes less mobile. less energetic.
seeing people get old saddens me.
seeing my dog get old saddens me too.
dogs live such short lives.
they are so loyal.
so loving.
so caring.
so intuitive.
so kind.
this is all “to be continued” as i have to log onto my computer for my psychotherapist appointment and get ready to spill my guts again. open up again. hopefully, get help again.
I NEED MONEY.
I NEED FUN.
I NEED JOY.
I NEED PEOPLE.
I NEED LOVE.
appointment over.
work day over.
murphy’s daycare over.
laying in bed learning lines…AGAIN.
always learning lines for roles that i don’t get.
sounds silly.
sounds wasteful.
sounds insane.
insane.
wasteful.
silly.
DONE.
A MAN’S WORK IS NEVER DONE.
I AM DONE.
I AM TIRED.
I AM SORE.
SORE ARMS.
SORE LEGS.
SORE NOSE.
SORE KNEES.
SORE EGO.
SORE LIFE.
the only time that i am happy is when i am engaged with people.
engaged in great conversation.
or great sex (this never happens).
or great debates.
or drunken debaucheries (the good old days).
wrist and hands now sore.
sore throat?
sore mind?
SORE LOSER???!!!
TIRED.
TIRED.
TIRED.
LOVE LIFE.
LOVE AND LIVE.
OR DON’T LOVE AND DIE ALONE AND UNHAPPY.
“THE GUILT WILL SUCK YOU DOWN.”
notanotherphony. 