Tag: life

emergency explosions.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

pain is constant.

knees.

ankles.

feet.

back.

old age?

shitty job?

shitty shoes?

overweight?

too much booze?

not enough veggies?

not enough exercise because of the shitty job?

i woke up at 6am yesterday.

very tired.

tired of the grind.

tired of the nothingness.

tired of the mundane.

drank a coffee.

rushed out the door and arrived at work. jumped in a truck and arrived at our first house but not before a second coffee and a breakfast sandwich from mickie dees. shitty food but tasty when you’re tired, depressed, and lost.

ate my food.

drank my coffee.

arrived at our first house of the day.

beautiful country home with lots of privacy and a beautiful property. the sun was beaming down and it was crisp but beautiful.

we pulled out our lawn mowers and started to mow the grass. i looked to the right of me and almost collapsed. two big horses standing and conversing. wild horses. after my initial shock i nervously walked over to them and soon realized that they were fake plastic horses.

FUCK.

SHIT.

OH NO.

ALL OF A SUDDEN MY STOMACH WAS RUMBLING AND I NEEDED TO EXPLODE.

a bottle of wine.

two coffees.

and a mickie dees sandwich will do it every time.

who needs ex-lax when our society is filled with shitty take-out restaurants that will ALWAYS do the trick.

i grabbed paper towels from the glove box of the truck and ran into the forest. i thought i may see a deer, a coyote, a bear, a fox, or a rabbit. instead i saw a few lady bugs and felt a few mosquitoes. i whipped off my shorts then whipped off my underwear. i took one big breath and pushed everything out in one big explosion and one big push. why can’t my shits at home be this easy??? i wiped my ass. put my underwear and shorts back on and then picked up the shitty paper towels. i was going to bring them back to the truck but my work partner would have snapped out (he’s testy) so i littered and left the shitty paper towels along with the shit back in the woods. i left the forest and returned to beauty. a hundred pounds lighter and a sense that i really am a man.

I AM A MAN.

then i started mowing grass and picking up leaves.

i am 57 years old.

sad.

depressing.

tired.

tomorrow is always tomorrow and yesterday is always yesterday.

are there still wars going on?

fight the power.

mirrors and mumbles.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

monday morning after a weekend of nothingness. dog walks. gym. starbucks. walk at island lake and two days of heavy drinking.

my feet are still sore.

my knees are still sore.

my spirits are high but i’m wondering why.

i know that there is more to life but i haven’t found that yet. i am still searching and still not finding. the world is crumbling and no one seems to care. taylor swift is more important. kim kardashian is more important. suzanne sommers is more important. i try to help save the world but i have not figured out how to save myself. i used to wake up, hungover, in rundown houses on random streets or in random drunk tanks in random towns. now i wake up hungover in a boring house on a boring street in a boring town. the excitement is now gone.

i know more now but earn less.

i know myself more now but earn less.

i know what to do and where to do it and with whom to do it with but i sit alone. i sit alone. i sit alone.

thoughts of freedom

thoughts of hope.

thoughts of confusion.

stop the thoughts but…

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!

I NEED HELP!!!!!!

dark days and dark nights. the clock is ticking faster and faster and faster.

i see old sad faces with weak bones and weak souls.

i see old sad faces with sad eyes and sad souls.

old.

sad.

nervous.

angst ridden.

afraid.

worried.

they miss their husbands.

they miss their wives.

they just want love.

and they just want to begin again but it is too late.

look in the mirror.

man in the mirror.

mirror.

more access to info and less truths.

less truths and more fighting.

more fighting and less love.

love conquers all.

love will tear us apart.

the man who sold the world.

create chaos and create pain.

PASSION AND CHAOS.

happy? anniversary.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

i woke up at 5:30 am on the floor and, immediately, drank a coffee. after one sip i headed straight to the bathroom. a two day release of bad food. bad wine. bad conversation and bad company. i flooded the toilet and then shat some more. i needed five flushes and a plunger to survive. after half an hour i made it out of the bathroom and drank some more coffee. i then went to my bed and sat down to ponder life. i pondered about the day. i pondered about the weather. i pondered about the never ending wars. the lack of humanity. the shitty leaders in shitty governments. the shitty food chains. the shitty commercials. the shitty movies and the shitty shows. the shitty pop stars and the shitty puppets who follow them.

WE LIVE IN A SICK WORLD.

the constant pounding down our throats of false narratives and disgusting propaganda. innocent children dying due to extreme greed. innocent children starving. innocent children born into poverty and bombed out buildings. innocent children born into shitty families with shitty parents who drink shitty beer.

TRUCKS EVERYWHERE.

CONVERSATION NOWHERE.

love.

listening.

empathy.

intelligence.

where are you?

you seem to be lost.

TGIF.

THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY.

another week survived in a dead end job with dead end conversations and dead end pay.

while friends are posting about their epic trips to greece and france and germany and chile i am eating take out pizza and drinking cheap wine with my wife. it is our anniversary. we think??? we don’t really know. we never know. and why do we celebrate our anniversary when we aren’t really happy?

we don’t do anything together.

we don’t have fun.

we don’t have money.

we don’t have sex.

we don’t listen to each other.

we don’t talk to each other.

zero talks.

zero fucks.

zero money.

zero fun.

zero love.

zero hope.

zero plan.

zero.

zero and dull.

dull and zero.

happy anniversary.

i love you.

amen.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

woke up at 6am. had a coffee. had a shit. a little small talk with my wife. kissed her and then kissed my dog and left the house for another 12 hr grind. cutting grass and raking leaves. cold wet leaves. lawns filled with dog shit and shitty toys. shitty broken down trampolines and shitty broken down hockey nets. suburban living at it’s finest where every house looks exactly the same. a nice shade of dull brown as it’s base. nothing to stand out from the crowd. rows and rows of jail cells filled with rows and rows of broken down prisoners. as i was passing my fourth prison cell two old ladies with old boring clothes passed me on the sidewalk. i smiled. they smiled back. one had two missing teeth and a look of fear in her eyes. the other just a look of extreme struggle. the missing toothed woman handed me a pamphlet. an old cheap pamphlet with some message from god. i, politely, took it and, politely, threw it in the garbage. i wondered how these two ladies became door to door salesmen for the church. i wondered why these salesmen are always old, lost, depressing looking women.

do they believe in god?

really?

they were old.

they were sad looking.

they were lonely looking.

but they were also two cute old ladies walking down the sidewalk with a purpose of some sort and, that alone, brought a smile to my face.

we finished cutting the grass of one row of shit stained houses and then drove over to the next SUBURBAN TOWN.

same town.

same houses.

same colours on the houses.

same shit in the backyards.

most of the people living in these shitty houses smoked.

most drank shitty beer.

most were overweight.

looked haggard.

beaten down.

looked liken they had long ago given up on life.

some had big expensive trucks in their tiny driveways.

we pulled out our lawnmowers and started cutting grass. trimming the edges. picking up leaves. more shit. big shit. more shit. lots of shit.

the suburbs and it’s prisoners love dogs.

love coors light.

love smoking.

hate trudeau.

hate picking up dog shit.

and many love their weed.

we cut the front lawns. cut the back.

i saw a posting for a missing cat. i lost two cats when i was a kid. both were named DUSTY. one day they just disappeared. two cats. two different times. never found them. never knew what happened to them. they were with us for years and then they just disappeared. not sure why we chose to name both cats DUSTY. odd.

we finished cutting the remaining houses on the boring strip and went to our next row of boring houses twenty minutes away.

same houses.

same streets.

same trucks.

same mess.

same kids.

same dogs.

same lives.

so depressing.

so dull.

so sad.

we pulled our lawnmowers off the truck and did our same routine.

cut.

trim.

blow.

pick up leaves.

step in dog shit.

we had a few chats with a few neighbours. the weirdo at one end of the complex who had a cane corso/pit bull mixed dog. no job. hot beaten down wife who hated that she settled for “him.” the “FUCK TRUDEAU GUY.” at first i thought that he was a buffoon but, after talking with him for twenty minutes, i changed my mind. good guy. good energy. funny. respectful. him and his neighbour DO NOT get along. they put rope up between their houses instead of a wooden fence. money an issue. but they don’t talk. the one guy has two large marijuana plants in his backyard but the “FUCK TRUDEAU” guy says that his weed is shitty. hahahaha

people always competing.

always barking.

always judging.

always fighting.

always struggling.

always working.

always hoping.

hoping for a better life and a better future while laying on the couch watching the kardashians.

we left the suburban town.

we left the broken down homes with the broken down people. the shit filled backyards.

we drove an hour south to get to my shitty suburban town. i made it home. let my dog out for a shit. didn’t pick it up. opened up a bottle of bourbon and drank my sorrows away.

tomorrow will be a new day.

god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change. the courage to change the things i can. and the wisdom to know the difference.

amen.

CHAOS FOR PROFIT.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

sore feet.

sore back.

sore shoulders.

sore hands.

sore arms.

getting old is not pleasant.

lost dreams.

lost hopes.

lost love.

lost purpose.

going to work everyday for 12 hrs but seeing my bank account dwindle and dwindle and dwindle.

no trips.

no house.

no fun.

can’t afford physio on my sore feet.

can’t afford new shoes.

can’t afford medications.

humanity is lessening while greed and power are at record highs.

WAR. WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

when will we all realize that our governments are corrupt? our governments are evil. our governments bring us war. bring us rising costs. bring us rising taxes. bring us rising poverty. little children in big offices. dumb. bombastic. greedy. liars. frauds. fakes.

USELESS.

USELESS.

USELESS.

WHY ARE THERE WARS?

CONSTANT WARS.

CONSTANT DEATHS.

CIVILIAN DEATHS.

CIVILIAN TORTURE.

TORTURE AND RAPE.

WHERE IS THE HUMANITY?

most human beings i meet are loving and friendly and happy or hopeful or honest or vulnerable.

human beings from all walks of life. different countries. different genders. different views. BUT HUMAN. HUMAN BEINGS.

OUR LEADERS CREATE HATE.

OUR LEADERS CREATE DIVISIVENESS.

OUR LEADERS CREATE CHAOS.

CHAOS FOR PROFIT.

STOP LISTENING TO THEM!!!

#LOVE.