Tag: blog

loves and lack of money.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

i never have money.

even when i have money i feel that i don’t have money.

i do not ever have enough income coming in to put me in a feeling of security.

i want to make more money but i haven’t figured out how to do that yet.

my back is sore and i know that i need new shoes but i am worried about spending two hundred dollars to get them.

my knees and my hips are also sore.

i need some new pants too.

i need physio as well.

i would love to go on a trip.

i don’t care about cars or houses.

i would love to go out for dinners and not worry about my bank account.

i love art.

i love music.

i love real films.

i love baseball. do i?

i love hockey.

i love tennis.

i love football.

i love soccer.

i love running.

i love camping.

i love hiking.

i love fucking. i think?

i can’t remember the last time that i fucked (made love).

i love my wife.

i love my daughter.

i love my brother.

i love my mom.

i love my friends and my family.

i love my dog.

life is continuing to tick away.

more people from my youth are dying.

more family members .

more icons.

more sports personalities.

wars and genocide continue to rage on and most of us (myself included) have become numb to the atrocities.

such sad and weak men running and ruining our world.

if you think trump is the answer to leading our world to a better place then you may need to look in the mirror and ask why?

do you not witness his rambling nonsensical speeches?

do you not hear his racist attacks?

do you not see his inability to be coherent?

do you not see his utter arrogance?

do you not see his lies and his pettiness?

do you really think his brand of bullying, lying, racist remarks, misogyny, and corruption will lead america to a better place?

SUCH A SAD MAN.

SUCH A PATHETIC MAN.

SUCH A WEAK MAN.

i am tired.

chicken or go.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

i am so sick of rich entitled cunts (men) being in charge of our businesses. being in charge of our families. being in charge of our countries. running the world into chaos and confusion. confusion and then oblivion. living lavish lives at the expense of the lower class. making deals. swinging deals. trading. speculating. masturbating. fornicating. fucking and phony. phony and fucking. wars and murders and chaos and extreme poverty and more wars and more rapes. torture and lies. lies and torture. leaders?

but many people revere these maggots. bow down to these maggots. look up to these maggots. rich rodents with fake white teeth and fake pompous accents. these maggots have done nothing to improve the world. lavish vacations and lavish dinners. lavish yet dull. dull and depressing.

how boring is kevin o’leary?

how boring is jordan petersen?

how boring is pierre poillievre?

bonnie crombie too.

ford is not boring just not smart. easily bought. fake white teeth. but no other viable options leads to the same old same old status quo.

is there anybody out there?

REVOLUTION.

REVOLUTION.

REVOLUTION.

STOP PUTTING THESE MAGGOTS ON PEDESTALS.

finally got a good sleep last night.

2 bottles of wine.

2 beers.

2 bowls of cereal.

2 sleeping pills.

what a concoction.

what a sleep.

i may not be able to sustain that bedtime routine but it worked for now.

for now it will do.

a big monday on my plate today.

  1. psychotherapist appt.
  2. walk my dog.
  3. meditate/stretch.
  4. clean house.
  5. mail two boxes.
  6. read.
  7. write.
  8. do the dishes.
  9. gym.
  10. walk the dog again.
  11. look for a job.
  12. audition for some shitty movie.
  13. sleep.

my daily lists and daily activities and chores are dull. dull and boring and routine and uninspiring.

my life is uninspiring at the moment.

CHANGE.

CHANGE.

CHANGE.

SMALL STEPS.

NO TIME.

TIME WINDING DOWN.

BODY FALLING APART.

MIND FOGGY.

CONFIDENCE DRAINED.

CHANGE.

CHANGES.

JERK OFF?

MAYBE.

SHITTY MOVIES AND SHITTY SHOWS?

YES.

DO YOU WANNA FIGHT?

CHICKEN OR GO?

GO.

GO.

GO.

WHAT?

WHY STOP THERE?

TEASE.

TEASE.

TEASE.

chicken?

NO GO!!!

JESUS SAVES.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

people take their jobs much too seriously. people take their positions much too seriously. stress which leads to bad behaviour and bad leadership. we are a culture of people pleasing at the expense of our mental health. at the expense of treating people properly. at the expense of our backbone. bowing down and bowing to the rich who go out for expensive dinners and drink expensive wines. money that was passed down to them from their parents. old money passed down over and over again. and despite what we want to do our minds and bodies bow down to them too. look up to them. smother them with fake compliments and fake laughs. but back to my original point. why do we take our jobs so seriously? selling shoes. serving food. cutting grass. installing sprinkler systems. all jobs that could disappear and nobody would bat an eye or an eyelash. no lives are being saved. JESUS SAVES. no kids are being taught. no decisions being made on nuclear weapons, nuclear bombs, and nuclear waste. grass. shoes. food. drink. make it about people. be a good leader. be a good person. be someone who inspires. someone who brings joy.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AND IT IS ALWAYS SMALL STUFF.

why do restaurants have to be sooo stressful? soooo toxic?

why are there pretentious restaurant goers?

why do we cater to rich elites with deep pockets and no soul?

why choose the path of losing oneself to please someone else?

NO MISTAKES ALLOWED.

who set up such a fantastic system?

why do we follow such a shitty system?

why do we allow life to be so stressful?

DO NOT LET PEOPLE TALK DOWN TO YOU.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU LET ANYONE TALK DOWN TO YOU.

UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR.

HIERARCHIES MEAN NOTHING.

CONFUSCIOUS AND CRITICS.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

excited to be back at work. up at 3am. coffee. start at 4am. need money but need some structure. need connection. need human beings. my knee is getting better by the day as my bank account shrinks. i had to get back to work but i also wanted to get back to work.

i need to move.

i need people.

i need human connection.

i need money.

too many needs and not enough wants.

i want to run.

i want to play tennis.

i want to go on a trip.

i want to make another film.

i want to start a podcast.

i want to act more.

i want to publish a book.

i want to tell my story.

okay…i guess i do have a lot of wants.

i think i need to turn my wants into needs.

turn my wants into needs.

turn my wants into needs.

time is ticking.

TICK. TICK. TICK.

fan is blowing.

leafs are average.

movies are average.

why do we feel we need a star system in canada to make movies and get bums in the seats when there really aren’t any bums in the seats anymore?

WE ARE DUMB.

WE ARE STUCK.

WE ARE AFRAID.

WE ARE SHEEP.

WE ARE FOLLOWERS.

FUCK THE SYSTEM.

FUCK THE RULES.

FUCK THE CRITICS.

FUCK THE FOOLS.

CREATE AND ENJOY.

confuscious say, “…………….”

WHO THE FUCK WAS CONFUSCIOUS ANYWAY?

DRUGS.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

coughing.

coughing.

coughing.

my cough leaves for a few days and then it returns with a bang.

it is dull and gloomy outside and my nose is itchy.

my house is cold and my tired dog lays beside me.

novels and self help books are scattered on the floor beside my bed and i have started a new adhd medication (again).

there are those who think adhd is “made up” or a fabricated illness. i beg to differ.

at night i conjure up all kinds of brilliant ways to improve my lot in life. all kinds of ways to improve the world. all kinds of ways to save the world. in the morning i wake up tired and my mind is restless. i decide that cleaning the house and doing the dishes is more important than saving my family. saving myself. saving the world. the cycle will continue tonight. i make daily lists. i write out daily goals. i have daily spurts of creativity and then BOOM. I accomplish nothing.

in fact there wasn’t even a BOOM.

only a quiet murmur.

my head is now foggy.

is that the result of the new meds?

side effects already?

i need to go to the gym.

my belly has become fat due to my damaged knee.

damaged knee.

hacking cough.

dizzy mind.

too much coffee and not enough human interaction.

donald trump was the president of the united states. he can’t spell and has little heart and zero soul. he is soon to be president again. he is also a criminal.

rob ford was the leader of our city. he was overweight. drugged out. dumb. sloppy and immoral. he was also a criminal.

trudeau.

biden.

doug ford.

pierre poillievre.

netanyahu.

on and on the list goes. the list grows.

criminals leading our world.

terrible leaders.

terrible people.

terrible hearts.

zero souls.

miniature sized brains.

old.

lazy.

sloppy.

OVERWEIGHT PIGS.

these are the people who we vote in to lead us.

where are they leading us to?

i am now tired.

DRUGS.

DRUGS.

DRUGS.