Tag: travel

BIG SAD FISH.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

i continue my journey.

monday morning.

no more monday morning blues.

each day is a new day to grow.

each day is a new day to learn.

each day is a new day to give up old habits and bring in new and more empowering ones.

be open.

be vulnerable.

be present.

be.

me.

keep opening up my heart.

keep opening up into my soul.

i caught a big fish last night.

i was ice fishing with a big group of buddies.

i put my line in and pulled out a big fish right away.

but i, instantly, felt bad for the fish.

i didn’t want to hurt the fish.

i asked others to take the hook out of it’s mouth.

then the fish just sat there.

laid there.

a huge group of people watching me. i wanted to throw the fish back in the lake. back in the hole.

i sat and thought.

i sat and felt.

loud groups of people surrounded me. i kept telling them that i wanted to throw the fish back in the lake.

they called me a “sissy” and a “wimp”.

they called me a “pussy”.

i sat there stuck in thought.

stuck in my feelings.

i felt the burning stares.

i felt the judgements.

i felt the anxieties.

but then i made my decision and made my move.

i grabbed a plate and scooped up the sad and dying fish and quickly walked it to the small fishing hole in the ice.

people yelling at me.

people judging me.

people mocking me.

i fought through the heckles and judgements and placed the fish back in the water.

I DID WHAT I WANTED TO DO.

I LISTENED TO MY HEART.

I LISTENED TO MY SOUL.

I TRUSTED ME AND DID WHAT I FELT WAS RIGHT DESPITE THE MOCKING AND JUDGEMENTS.

DO THE RIGHT THING.

BE ME.

WILLPOWER.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

knees sore.

feet sore.

my hopes sore as i stumble through life looking for my passion. looking for my fire. brief moments of fire are quickly replaced by dog walks and cutting grass.

6am wake up calls for a job that pays little and puts me further into debt. servicing multi million dollar homes that aren’t even being lived in. where do these people get their money?

i walked into an old dark home in the deep woods to turn on the customer’s sprinkler system timer. it was dark. house currently not occupied. million dollar home with a million dollar view. i walked downstairs, gingerly and fearfully, as i waited for a rat or mouse to jump onto my leg and start biting and clawing. i waited for a dead body to appear. the timer was in the basement cellar.

cold.

damp.

had a smell of oldness to it. i turned on the timer and waited for my partner, who was outside, to say “next” as he was checking the sprinkler system. as i sat and waited i thought of dying. i thought of death. i thought of murder. i wondered how many people had died in this old house. had anyone been murdered in this old house?

how many orgies?

how many abuses?

how many fun parties?

how many great moments had been had?

how much trauma?

how many tears?

good times and bad and then old age comes along and death soon appears.

THE TREE OF LIFE.

i looked into a separate cellar and saw old bottles of wine and old bottles of beer. really old. really creepy.

would the wine still be good?

i thought about trying one but these days cameras are everywhere. i, then, saw an old wooden statue of a black maid or gardener with big lips and beautiful breasts. i instantly became horny. i wanted to jerk off to her wooden tits. so nice. so firm. i thought hard and fought hard to stop the urge. my willpower won today. i didn’t jerk off. camera’s may have stopped me.

i made it home alive. ate dinner. drank some wine. jerked off. then went to bed.

the daily grind will continue tomorrow.

why are we so sad and so dull?

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

great sleep. two beers. two glasses of wine. sleeping pills. anxiety pills. want to get off the meds. who needs them? what are they good for? do they help in any way? mind is somewhat foggy but maybe I need to accept that. write about that. our mental health resources in Canada are atrocious. we are all, basically, left to fend for ourselves and society hopes that our issues all just go away. WELL FUCK THEM!!! THEM sending our society into wars, poverty, dullness, rapes, murders, debt. sick leaders and sick governments with sick rules and a sick society. why do we allow such useless bores to rule us? are we that dumb or that complacent or both?

we work. shit. work some more. drink bad beer. talk about useless things. follow useless rules. listen to useless bores speaking useless thoughts. useless lives leading other useless lives. rich. poor. debt ridden. big empty houses with big empty hearts and big shallow souls. what have we become? where are we going?

there are still wars raging with many innocent lives lost. and we all accept it.

still big banks with big bucks and big egos fucking everyone over except the big guy with the big cigar. and we all accept it.

big dull corporations offering big dull products becoming bigger and wealthier while the little man with little products and little ego gets left behind and buried under their broken down homes and broken down system. and we all accept it.

why do people go to mcdonalds when there are so many better burger joints around?

why do people watch such shitty tv when there are so many better shows and better films around?

peasants.

maggots.

bores.

sheep.

rule followers.

fake and phony.

phony and fake.

fake tits.

fake hair.

fake eyelashes.

fake lips.

fake smiles.

fake teeth.

why do we applaud this?

hello?

answer me. please.