Tag: poem

three day hangovers and lost confidence.

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Mom’s birthday yesterday. she visited friend’s in unionville. i stayed here in orangeville. tending to a dog. always tending to a dog. mom another year closer to death but still thinking that she’ll live forever. me unable to move. unable to decide. unable to make decisions. unable to focus. unable to love. unable to commit. unable to make a living. distractions everywhere. time racing. hot. clammy. three day hangovers and lost confidence. lost hair. lost youth. lost Dad. lost girlfriends and lost jobs. lost cats and LOST HOPE.

tomorrow will be a new day. first day as a crew member on a film set. constantly searching for something to bring me excitement. something to give me purpose. something to provide meaning to my life.

meaning and money.

money and clarity.

the government always after me for money but providing no hope. no plans. no help. rich getting richer. the poor getting poorer. slow down mind!!!

STOP BARKING MURPHY!!!

i need to go for a run.

i need to exercise.

i need to sweat.

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE???

LIFE.

tell my story.

tell my story…my way.

real stories.

real people.

real emotions.

notanotherphony.

old and invisible.

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shitty sleep. angry and frustrated that, after working all day in the heat, i had to come home and cook dinner and walk murphy while taylor and sara went out to the keg. i didn’t care that they went out for dinner but they should have walked murphy. i brought it up to taylor and she had excuse after excuse and couldn’t just say, “i’m sorry.”

real communication and real connection is key.

vulnerability is key.

humanity is key.

i cannot win at home.

my fault for everything.

i am left alone to fend for myself. taylor and sara don’t see this. two against one. all the time it is two against one. only if i am in a calm, loveable, funny, and submissive mood are things good at home. i have to deal with messy clothes. messy kitchen. constant needless spending. needless take-out. constantly on phones and computers. bad shows. no conversation. no fun. no excitement.

LIVE LIFE TO IT’S FULLEST.

worked at york university yesterday and saw so many beautiful girls with hope and energy and fashion style. beauty is beautiful. inspiring. made me think of all my great times in college. such fun and excitement and hope and growth and learning.

can’t write right now. mind too busy. tired. sitting in a parking lot of a strip plaza. bad sleep. awake. asleep. awake. asleep. awake. asleep. time to go to my shitty job. busting my balls all day with guys that talk about nothing interesting. long drives. lots of traffic. lots of trucks. lots of accidents. lots of sitting. lots of waiting.

covid test for background work on a film. shitty film I am sure.

work at york university.

lots of beautiful girls but i am too old and too dirty for them to even notice me.

i am a construction worker on the outside but on the inside i am an artist. a lost artist.

DO ME.

WHO AM I?

WHAT DO I LOVE TO DO?

WHY?

why are we so sad and so dull?

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

great sleep. two beers. two glasses of wine. sleeping pills. anxiety pills. want to get off the meds. who needs them? what are they good for? do they help in any way? mind is somewhat foggy but maybe I need to accept that. write about that. our mental health resources in Canada are atrocious. we are all, basically, left to fend for ourselves and society hopes that our issues all just go away. WELL FUCK THEM!!! THEM sending our society into wars, poverty, dullness, rapes, murders, debt. sick leaders and sick governments with sick rules and a sick society. why do we allow such useless bores to rule us? are we that dumb or that complacent or both?

we work. shit. work some more. drink bad beer. talk about useless things. follow useless rules. listen to useless bores speaking useless thoughts. useless lives leading other useless lives. rich. poor. debt ridden. big empty houses with big empty hearts and big shallow souls. what have we become? where are we going?

there are still wars raging with many innocent lives lost. and we all accept it.

still big banks with big bucks and big egos fucking everyone over except the big guy with the big cigar. and we all accept it.

big dull corporations offering big dull products becoming bigger and wealthier while the little man with little products and little ego gets left behind and buried under their broken down homes and broken down system. and we all accept it.

why do people go to mcdonalds when there are so many better burger joints around?

why do people watch such shitty tv when there are so many better shows and better films around?

peasants.

maggots.

bores.

sheep.

rule followers.

fake and phony.

phony and fake.

fake tits.

fake hair.

fake eyelashes.

fake lips.

fake smiles.

fake teeth.

why do we applaud this?

hello?

answer me. please.