shitty sleep. angry and frustrated that, after working all day in the heat, i had to come home and cook dinner and walk murphy while taylor and sara went out to the keg. i didn’t care that they went out for dinner but they should have walked murphy. i brought it up to taylor and she had excuse after excuse and couldn’t just say, “i’m sorry.”
real communication and real connection is key.
vulnerability is key.
humanity is key.
i cannot win at home.
my fault for everything.
i am left alone to fend for myself. taylor and sara don’t see this. two against one. all the time it is two against one. only if i am in a calm, loveable, funny, and submissive mood are things good at home. i have to deal with messy clothes. messy kitchen. constant needless spending. needless take-out. constantly on phones and computers. bad shows. no conversation. no fun. no excitement.
LIVE LIFE TO IT’S FULLEST.
worked at york university yesterday and saw so many beautiful girls with hope and energy and fashion style. beauty is beautiful. inspiring. made me think of all my great times in college. such fun and excitement and hope and growth and learning.
can’t write right now. mind too busy. tired. sitting in a parking lot of a strip plaza. bad sleep. awake. asleep. awake. asleep. awake. asleep. time to go to my shitty job. busting my balls all day with guys that talk about nothing interesting. long drives. lots of traffic. lots of trucks. lots of accidents. lots of sitting. lots of waiting.
covid test for background work on a film. shitty film I am sure.
work at york university.
lots of beautiful girls but i am too old and too dirty for them to even notice me.
i am a construction worker on the outside but on the inside i am an artist. a lost artist.
DO ME.
WHO AM I?
WHAT DO I LOVE TO DO?
WHY?
notanotherphony. 