Tag: poetry

CONFUSCIOUS AND CRITICS.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

excited to be back at work. up at 3am. coffee. start at 4am. need money but need some structure. need connection. need human beings. my knee is getting better by the day as my bank account shrinks. i had to get back to work but i also wanted to get back to work.

i need to move.

i need people.

i need human connection.

i need money.

too many needs and not enough wants.

i want to run.

i want to play tennis.

i want to go on a trip.

i want to make another film.

i want to start a podcast.

i want to act more.

i want to publish a book.

i want to tell my story.

okay…i guess i do have a lot of wants.

i think i need to turn my wants into needs.

turn my wants into needs.

turn my wants into needs.

time is ticking.

TICK. TICK. TICK.

fan is blowing.

leafs are average.

movies are average.

why do we feel we need a star system in canada to make movies and get bums in the seats when there really aren’t any bums in the seats anymore?

WE ARE DUMB.

WE ARE STUCK.

WE ARE AFRAID.

WE ARE SHEEP.

WE ARE FOLLOWERS.

FUCK THE SYSTEM.

FUCK THE RULES.

FUCK THE CRITICS.

FUCK THE FOOLS.

CREATE AND ENJOY.

confuscious say, “…………….”

WHO THE FUCK WAS CONFUSCIOUS ANYWAY?

born again and again and again.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

in bed at 9pm. tired. groggy. bored. semi drunk. up at 5am. stuffy nose. sore knee. sore shoulders. restless.

drink a coffee and think.

drink a coffee and write.

drink a coffee and feel.

where did my life go wrong?

can i fix the mistakes of the past?

is it too late to, actually, make more money and enjoy life?

is life this difficult for others?

is there anyone out there who can, legitimately, help?

is life all about money?

the world has so much money and, yet, so many people live in poverty. why?

bad television (fake).

bad movies (fake).

bad books (fake).

bad take-out food (fake).

cheap cars (plastic).

cheap cigars (colts).

cheap wine (jackson triggs).

our society in north america is filled with fake, cheap, gimmicky, non-needed items.

social media influencers? really? is that a thing? who follows these fakes?

how to get back to authentic living?

authentic food.

authentic friends.

authentic coffee.

authentic wine.

authentic films.

authentic stories.

more silence and less noise.

honking cars.

loud engines.

loud sirens.

loud people.

loud fireworks.

loud lawn mowers.

loud motorbikes.

loud brats.

loud snowmobiles.

loud trucks.

this i need to avoid.

how to avoid our societies downfalls and distractions and live a peaceful and engaging life?

the beginning of my new life (once again) has started.

why am i here?

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

knee still in pain. nobody understands the pain of another. it is difficult to do. difficult to describe. everyone has a different pain threshold. my knee is almost immobile and is very swollen and unusable. i know that there is something wrong with it but our healthcare system is in shambles and i can’t seem to get an mri. i cannot afford physio. i’ve seen one walk-in clinic doctor and one emerg doctor plus had an x-ray and an ultrasound and i can GUARANTEE that the experts have misdiagnosed my knee injury. similar to so-called expert psychiatrists and psychotherapists misdiagnosing my mental health issues.

ADHD?

SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER?

PTSD?

BIPOLAR?

NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER?

do doctors really care?

does anyone really care?

constant wars.

constant deaths.

constant suicides.

constant homelessness.

constant drug addicts.

we are becoming numb to our world.

we are becoming numb to our emotions.

we are becoming numb to our fellow human beings.

we chase money and chase possessions relentlessly but remain unhappy. remain stressed.

disconnected.

frustrated.

stressed.

poverty ridden.

debt ridden.

living in pain.

loving in pain.

accepting of the living and loving in pain.

everything can be bought.

a cost to everything.

it is 3:30am and i am about to start work in a small town with little culture and even less history.

WHY AM I HERE?

a real question.

why am i here?

is there nothing more out there in the world?

explore.

be curious.

explore and be curious the way that i explored and was curious as a little kid.

follow the light and follow the breath.

avoid the noise and avoid the rules.

my shirts are ripped but so were my dad’s.

dad.

mom.

dom.

a family torn apart at such a young age.

sad.

emergency explosions.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

pain is constant.

knees.

ankles.

feet.

back.

old age?

shitty job?

shitty shoes?

overweight?

too much booze?

not enough veggies?

not enough exercise because of the shitty job?

i woke up at 6am yesterday.

very tired.

tired of the grind.

tired of the nothingness.

tired of the mundane.

drank a coffee.

rushed out the door and arrived at work. jumped in a truck and arrived at our first house but not before a second coffee and a breakfast sandwich from mickie dees. shitty food but tasty when you’re tired, depressed, and lost.

ate my food.

drank my coffee.

arrived at our first house of the day.

beautiful country home with lots of privacy and a beautiful property. the sun was beaming down and it was crisp but beautiful.

we pulled out our lawn mowers and started to mow the grass. i looked to the right of me and almost collapsed. two big horses standing and conversing. wild horses. after my initial shock i nervously walked over to them and soon realized that they were fake plastic horses.

FUCK.

SHIT.

OH NO.

ALL OF A SUDDEN MY STOMACH WAS RUMBLING AND I NEEDED TO EXPLODE.

a bottle of wine.

two coffees.

and a mickie dees sandwich will do it every time.

who needs ex-lax when our society is filled with shitty take-out restaurants that will ALWAYS do the trick.

i grabbed paper towels from the glove box of the truck and ran into the forest. i thought i may see a deer, a coyote, a bear, a fox, or a rabbit. instead i saw a few lady bugs and felt a few mosquitoes. i whipped off my shorts then whipped off my underwear. i took one big breath and pushed everything out in one big explosion and one big push. why can’t my shits at home be this easy??? i wiped my ass. put my underwear and shorts back on and then picked up the shitty paper towels. i was going to bring them back to the truck but my work partner would have snapped out (he’s testy) so i littered and left the shitty paper towels along with the shit back in the woods. i left the forest and returned to beauty. a hundred pounds lighter and a sense that i really am a man.

I AM A MAN.

then i started mowing grass and picking up leaves.

i am 57 years old.

sad.

depressing.

tired.

tomorrow is always tomorrow and yesterday is always yesterday.

are there still wars going on?

fight the power.

mirrors and mumbles.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

monday morning after a weekend of nothingness. dog walks. gym. starbucks. walk at island lake and two days of heavy drinking.

my feet are still sore.

my knees are still sore.

my spirits are high but i’m wondering why.

i know that there is more to life but i haven’t found that yet. i am still searching and still not finding. the world is crumbling and no one seems to care. taylor swift is more important. kim kardashian is more important. suzanne sommers is more important. i try to help save the world but i have not figured out how to save myself. i used to wake up, hungover, in rundown houses on random streets or in random drunk tanks in random towns. now i wake up hungover in a boring house on a boring street in a boring town. the excitement is now gone.

i know more now but earn less.

i know myself more now but earn less.

i know what to do and where to do it and with whom to do it with but i sit alone. i sit alone. i sit alone.

thoughts of freedom

thoughts of hope.

thoughts of confusion.

stop the thoughts but…

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!

I NEED HELP!!!!!!

dark days and dark nights. the clock is ticking faster and faster and faster.

i see old sad faces with weak bones and weak souls.

i see old sad faces with sad eyes and sad souls.

old.

sad.

nervous.

angst ridden.

afraid.

worried.

they miss their husbands.

they miss their wives.

they just want love.

and they just want to begin again but it is too late.

look in the mirror.

man in the mirror.

mirror.

more access to info and less truths.

less truths and more fighting.

more fighting and less love.

love conquers all.

love will tear us apart.

the man who sold the world.

create chaos and create pain.

PASSION AND CHAOS.