notanotherphony.

second night of not drinking. pretty good sleep. woke up quite a bit but went to bed early and, most importantly, didn’t drink. feel good again today. feel alert. feel confident. feel positive. not foggy. not blurry. sipping coffee while my dog is attacking his balls and his anus. really digging in.

hopefully my mind is clear all day today. i am never fully sure if my mind will be clear. continue to meditate. less booze. less coffee. more water. more tea. learning and growing. mindset key. how to change the mindset? positive mindset. positive thoughts. awareness. LOVE.

LOVE.

LOVE.

LOVE.

more love.

less hate.

less anger.

less loss.

less fat.

less saws.

less murders.

less rapes.

less robberies.

less politics.

less losers on tv.

less talking heads.

less is more.

less rules.

less tools.

less fools.

less dullness.

less depression.

more fun.

more laughter.

more hope.

more dreams.

more connections.

more get togethers.

more visits.

more fights.

more acceptance.

more life.

LOVE.

ALWAYS LOVE.

ALWAYS LET GO.

ALLOW.

SURRENDER.

ACCEPT.

go easy on myself.

BREATHE.

LISTEN.

RELAX.

BE IN THE MOMENT.

SIT IN THE SHIT.

BREATHE.

BREATHE.

BREATHE.

didn’t drink last night. first time in a long time. it was becoming a habit. drinking every night out of boredom. drinking alone. alone and drinking. what started out as one became three and, then, pretty soon the whole bottle. red wine my drink of choice. feeling foggy every morning. brain fog. brain cells deteriorating. eating shitty foods and jerking off too much. one bad habit always leads to more bad habits. get control of my life. i need to take control of my life. feel better. look better. mind clearer. body healthier. more confidence. more energy. more open. more emotional. more money.

a shitty sleep but that happens sometimes. i was using booze to sleep and now it is only sleeping pills and meditation. sleeping pills, meditation, and chamomile tea. didn’t work last night. mind still way too busy. my goal this week is to slow down my mind.

daily meditation.

daily writing.

daily stretching.

daily routine.

LIVE LIFE.

sitting. thinking. trying to come up with something to write.

DON’T DO IT.

DO IT.

DON’T DO IT.

DO IT.

mind racing.

what to say?

what to do?

who to do?

who to sue?

SUE?

YOU?

DO?

POO?

IS IT TRUE?

DOES SHE HAVE THE FLU?

or did you want to go to the zoo?

BOO!!!!

halloween today. i hate it now. spending hundreds of dollars that we don’t have on useless candies that the kids don’t need.

useless costumes.

useless traditions.

suburbs.

i hate the suburbs.

so dull.

so uninspiring.

so vanilla.

so typical.

typical families and typical jobs.

typical costumes and typical trucks.

typical routines and typical dogs.

DULL BUT I AM ALIVE!!!

the year is passing by quickly, once again.

same hopes.

same dreams.

same thoughts.

same struggles.

same shitty job.

same boring house in the same boring town.

CHOICES.

cute girl giving me a free coffee at starbucks. she always gives me a free coffee. what does that mean? does it mean anything? her dad committed suicide. i creeped her ig account. sleazy. me. not her. or opportunistic and horny. both? maybe i remind her of her dad. could be true. or maybe it’s absolutely fucking nothing at all. slow down my mind. slow down my body. slow down my thoughts. slow down and breathe. slow down and feel. look around. create the life that i want to live. politicians don’t care about me or anyone else for that matter. they just want to be voted in. make money. stroke their ego. same old lies. same old deception.

deep breath.

connect.

foggy eyes.

foggy brain.

slow down on wine intake.

find another hobby.

find another passion.

find purpose.

find my “WHY”.

FIND LOVE.

OR SEE THE LOVE IN FRONT OF MY FACE.

OR OPEN MYSELF UP TO LOVE.

TIME TO GO.

bye.

bad farts. lots of wine. lots of food. another boring night alone. why do i stay here and be bored? wasting my life away watching bad movies and scrolling facebook and instagram. get out and explore. create. connect. all i want is great conversation with great wine and great food. make things happen. visit my mom today. walk on the water. watch a great movie. read a great book. avoid dull people and dull conversations. run and exercise and steam room and shower and goodlot beer and meditate and vitamin c and eat some greens. i always forget to eat my greens. shake things up. and make things happen.

what is first on my list?

what sets me on fire?

what excites me?

what is joyful?

shit is brewing.

once i shit the day can start. i shit out all the garbage that i ate the day before. i, then, feel lighter. feel better. time to get the day started. drink water. foggy brain. foggy head but i do this to myself.

waiting lists and waiting times.

sad shitty system that favours the rich and lets the rest of the people struggle and struggle and struggle some more. a system that is built for the rich by the rich. rich and entitled. dull and useless. useless men and useless products. stocks and bonds and real estate and other useless drivel.

FUCK ALL OF THEM.

FUCK THE SYSTEM.

FIGHT THE SYSTEM.

AVOID THE SYSTEM.

FUCK THEM AND BEAT THEM.