Tag: writing

chicken or go.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

i am so sick of rich entitled cunts (men) being in charge of our businesses. being in charge of our families. being in charge of our countries. running the world into chaos and confusion. confusion and then oblivion. living lavish lives at the expense of the lower class. making deals. swinging deals. trading. speculating. masturbating. fornicating. fucking and phony. phony and fucking. wars and murders and chaos and extreme poverty and more wars and more rapes. torture and lies. lies and torture. leaders?

but many people revere these maggots. bow down to these maggots. look up to these maggots. rich rodents with fake white teeth and fake pompous accents. these maggots have done nothing to improve the world. lavish vacations and lavish dinners. lavish yet dull. dull and depressing.

how boring is kevin o’leary?

how boring is jordan petersen?

how boring is pierre poillievre?

bonnie crombie too.

ford is not boring just not smart. easily bought. fake white teeth. but no other viable options leads to the same old same old status quo.

is there anybody out there?

REVOLUTION.

REVOLUTION.

REVOLUTION.

STOP PUTTING THESE MAGGOTS ON PEDESTALS.

finally got a good sleep last night.

2 bottles of wine.

2 beers.

2 bowls of cereal.

2 sleeping pills.

what a concoction.

what a sleep.

i may not be able to sustain that bedtime routine but it worked for now.

for now it will do.

a big monday on my plate today.

  1. psychotherapist appt.
  2. walk my dog.
  3. meditate/stretch.
  4. clean house.
  5. mail two boxes.
  6. read.
  7. write.
  8. do the dishes.
  9. gym.
  10. walk the dog again.
  11. look for a job.
  12. audition for some shitty movie.
  13. sleep.

my daily lists and daily activities and chores are dull. dull and boring and routine and uninspiring.

my life is uninspiring at the moment.

CHANGE.

CHANGE.

CHANGE.

SMALL STEPS.

NO TIME.

TIME WINDING DOWN.

BODY FALLING APART.

MIND FOGGY.

CONFIDENCE DRAINED.

CHANGE.

CHANGES.

JERK OFF?

MAYBE.

SHITTY MOVIES AND SHITTY SHOWS?

YES.

DO YOU WANNA FIGHT?

CHICKEN OR GO?

GO.

GO.

GO.

WHAT?

WHY STOP THERE?

TEASE.

TEASE.

TEASE.

chicken?

NO GO!!!

JESUS SAVES.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

people take their jobs much too seriously. people take their positions much too seriously. stress which leads to bad behaviour and bad leadership. we are a culture of people pleasing at the expense of our mental health. at the expense of treating people properly. at the expense of our backbone. bowing down and bowing to the rich who go out for expensive dinners and drink expensive wines. money that was passed down to them from their parents. old money passed down over and over again. and despite what we want to do our minds and bodies bow down to them too. look up to them. smother them with fake compliments and fake laughs. but back to my original point. why do we take our jobs so seriously? selling shoes. serving food. cutting grass. installing sprinkler systems. all jobs that could disappear and nobody would bat an eye or an eyelash. no lives are being saved. JESUS SAVES. no kids are being taught. no decisions being made on nuclear weapons, nuclear bombs, and nuclear waste. grass. shoes. food. drink. make it about people. be a good leader. be a good person. be someone who inspires. someone who brings joy.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF AND IT IS ALWAYS SMALL STUFF.

why do restaurants have to be sooo stressful? soooo toxic?

why are there pretentious restaurant goers?

why do we cater to rich elites with deep pockets and no soul?

why choose the path of losing oneself to please someone else?

NO MISTAKES ALLOWED.

who set up such a fantastic system?

why do we follow such a shitty system?

why do we allow life to be so stressful?

DO NOT LET PEOPLE TALK DOWN TO YOU.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU LET ANYONE TALK DOWN TO YOU.

UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR.

HIERARCHIES MEAN NOTHING.

I NEED A SHIT.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

write.

don’t write.

write.

don’t write.

write.

don’t write.

what to write about?

what to say?

SHIT.

SHIT.

SHIT.

I NEED A SHIT.

my face is warm.

my shole body is sore.

i still have no money.

no plans.

no goals.

no structure.

no purpose.

no passion.

write.

don’t write.

write.

don’t write.

write.

don’t write.

OH NO MY WIFE IS WAKING UP!!!

SHE WILL INTERRUPT MY WRITING. MY LACK OF WRITING. MY THOUGHTS AND PURPOSE.

SHIT.

SHIT.

SHIT.

I NEED A SHIT.

I NEED TO GET READY FOR WORK.

long drives.

gas money.

HUMP DAY?

lots of stupid sayings for dull people in dull jobs. slowly dying dull and slow deaths.

FIGHT.

FIGHT.

FIGHT.

bring passion back.

CHOOSE YOUR POISON.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

a long weekend of drinking and fun times for my mom’s birthday. hopefully there are still many more left. she loves it when we all get along. she is a great woman. she’s had a tough life and i know that she has regrets (don’t we all) but she is a good person and a resilient one as well.

anyway, fun times but i am feeling the effects of three days of drinking.

tired.

groggy.

foggy.

sweaty.

clammy.

why do i do this to myself?

this week i will get back to my regular drinking habit of two glasses of wine at night before bed.

habits can be helpful or hurtful.

pick and choose.

CHOOSE YOUR POISON.

monday morning blues are upon me and i usually don’t get them anymore but i have to deal with one today. back to the grind of landscaping in the heat.

digging.

planting.

sweating.

STAY POSITIVE.

STAY POSITIVE.

STAY POSITIVE.

focus.

set goals.

what is my purpose?

execute my plan.

what is my plan?

nail down my plan.

nail down my plan and then execute that plan.

daily work.

daily habits.

daily rewards.

i want to go back to bed.

i am sooooooooooooo tired.

i miss taylor so much.

what a great human being.

her 19th birthday is fast approaching.

time needs to slow down.

i need to be more present.

i need to be healthier.

i need to exercise more.

i need to eat healthier.

needs and wants and everything in between.

my head hurts.

my heart is still.

my face is pulsating.

I AM REAL.

a reminder of life.

notanotherphonyLeave a comment

i don’t know where to start or how to start so i’ve just decided to start. starting is always better than thinking about starting. it’s always better than over analyzing. it’s always better than talking about starting. nothing is perfect. no one is perfect.

embrace my flaws.

embrace your flaws.

i met a wonderful girl (woman) yesterday while working in whitby. she saw me sweating buckets and struggling physically so she offered to get me some water. i was planting trees at her condo complex. she went up to het apartment and returned a few minutes later with two bottles of cold water. what a wonderful gesture of kindness. i stopped to take a drink and we started talking about life. typical questions at first. “how long have you lived here? where did you live before? what’s your background? where did you go to school?”

abby (that was her name) said that she just moved into the condo. she was living with her parents before buying the condo. her parents live close to her which makes things easier. she said that she just graduated from a private college in toronto. she studied theology and music. i asked her if she was religious. “yes, I’m a christian, ” was her response.

we proceeded to talk for the next hour or so. it was HOT. i needed the break.

my connection with abby was wonderful and beautiful.

we spoke about purpose and god and religion and love of family and passions and more purpose and ideas for careers and ideas for living truthfully and authentically. her and her dad had just started a church and she wanted me to join. but she wasn’t pushy. she wasn’t judgey. she was open and loving and caring and we had such a beautiful connection.

just before i returned to work abby asked if she could pray for me and i said, “of course.”

she asked me to close my eyes and she then proceeded to ask god to help me find my purpose. help me find peace. help me find joy and love and to look out for me. it was beautiful although i did feel a little awkward standing in a garden with a stranger with our eyes closed and her praying for me. but i felt free and filled with love and human connection.

abby was a blessing for me.

a reminder of love.

a reminder of humanity.

a reminder of life.