happy? anniversary.

i woke up at 5:30 am on the floor and, immediately, drank a coffee. after one sip i headed straight to the bathroom. a two day release of bad food. bad wine. bad conversation and bad company. i flooded the toilet and then shat some more. i needed five flushes and a plunger to survive. after half an hour i made it out of the bathroom and drank some more coffee. i then went to my bed and sat down to ponder life. i pondered about the day. i pondered about the weather. i pondered about the never ending wars. the lack of humanity. the shitty leaders in shitty governments. the shitty food chains. the shitty commercials. the shitty movies and the shitty shows. the shitty pop stars and the shitty puppets who follow them.

WE LIVE IN A SICK WORLD.

the constant pounding down our throats of false narratives and disgusting propaganda. innocent children dying due to extreme greed. innocent children starving. innocent children born into poverty and bombed out buildings. innocent children born into shitty families with shitty parents who drink shitty beer.

TRUCKS EVERYWHERE.

CONVERSATION NOWHERE.

love.

listening.

empathy.

intelligence.

where are you?

you seem to be lost.

TGIF.

THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY.

another week survived in a dead end job with dead end conversations and dead end pay.

while friends are posting about their epic trips to greece and france and germany and chile i am eating take out pizza and drinking cheap wine with my wife. it is our anniversary. we think??? we don’t really know. we never know. and why do we celebrate our anniversary when we aren’t really happy?

we don’t do anything together.

we don’t have fun.

we don’t have money.

we don’t have sex.

we don’t listen to each other.

we don’t talk to each other.

zero talks.

zero fucks.

zero money.

zero fun.

zero love.

zero hope.

zero plan.

zero.

zero and dull.

dull and zero.

happy anniversary.

i love you.

amen.

woke up at 6am. had a coffee. had a shit. a little small talk with my wife. kissed her and then kissed my dog and left the house for another 12 hr grind. cutting grass and raking leaves. cold wet leaves. lawns filled with dog shit and shitty toys. shitty broken down trampolines and shitty broken down hockey nets. suburban living at it’s finest where every house looks exactly the same. a nice shade of dull brown as it’s base. nothing to stand out from the crowd. rows and rows of jail cells filled with rows and rows of broken down prisoners. as i was passing my fourth prison cell two old ladies with old boring clothes passed me on the sidewalk. i smiled. they smiled back. one had two missing teeth and a look of fear in her eyes. the other just a look of extreme struggle. the missing toothed woman handed me a pamphlet. an old cheap pamphlet with some message from god. i, politely, took it and, politely, threw it in the garbage. i wondered how these two ladies became door to door salesmen for the church. i wondered why these salesmen are always old, lost, depressing looking women.

do they believe in god?

really?

they were old.

they were sad looking.

they were lonely looking.

but they were also two cute old ladies walking down the sidewalk with a purpose of some sort and, that alone, brought a smile to my face.

we finished cutting the grass of one row of shit stained houses and then drove over to the next SUBURBAN TOWN.

same town.

same houses.

same colours on the houses.

same shit in the backyards.

most of the people living in these shitty houses smoked.

most drank shitty beer.

most were overweight.

looked haggard.

beaten down.

looked liken they had long ago given up on life.

some had big expensive trucks in their tiny driveways.

we pulled out our lawnmowers and started cutting grass. trimming the edges. picking up leaves. more shit. big shit. more shit. lots of shit.

the suburbs and it’s prisoners love dogs.

love coors light.

love smoking.

hate trudeau.

hate picking up dog shit.

and many love their weed.

we cut the front lawns. cut the back.

i saw a posting for a missing cat. i lost two cats when i was a kid. both were named DUSTY. one day they just disappeared. two cats. two different times. never found them. never knew what happened to them. they were with us for years and then they just disappeared. not sure why we chose to name both cats DUSTY. odd.

we finished cutting the remaining houses on the boring strip and went to our next row of boring houses twenty minutes away.

same houses.

same streets.

same trucks.

same mess.

same kids.

same dogs.

same lives.

so depressing.

so dull.

so sad.

we pulled our lawnmowers off the truck and did our same routine.

cut.

trim.

blow.

pick up leaves.

step in dog shit.

we had a few chats with a few neighbours. the weirdo at one end of the complex who had a cane corso/pit bull mixed dog. no job. hot beaten down wife who hated that she settled for “him.” the “FUCK TRUDEAU GUY.” at first i thought that he was a buffoon but, after talking with him for twenty minutes, i changed my mind. good guy. good energy. funny. respectful. him and his neighbour DO NOT get along. they put rope up between their houses instead of a wooden fence. money an issue. but they don’t talk. the one guy has two large marijuana plants in his backyard but the “FUCK TRUDEAU” guy says that his weed is shitty. hahahaha

people always competing.

always barking.

always judging.

always fighting.

always struggling.

always working.

always hoping.

hoping for a better life and a better future while laying on the couch watching the kardashians.

we left the suburban town.

we left the broken down homes with the broken down people. the shit filled backyards.

we drove an hour south to get to my shitty suburban town. i made it home. let my dog out for a shit. didn’t pick it up. opened up a bottle of bourbon and drank my sorrows away.

tomorrow will be a new day.

god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change. the courage to change the things i can. and the wisdom to know the difference.

amen.

souls and soles and entitled cunts.

almost the end of another day.

legs still sore.

feet still sore.

bank account still sore.

soul beginning to come back.

more wars.

more murders.

more innocent lives lost.

USA.

USA.

USA.

the chants continue.

the deaths continue.

the poor rundown cities continue.

packed jails and packed brothels.

big cars.

big noses.

and big business.

my heart aches but it is alive.

my soul aches but it burns.

burns with fire.

burns with RAGE.

burns with optimism.

the more lies the government and media tell the better i feel.

FUCK THEM.

SICKENING MURDERERS.

GREEDY PIGS AND LYING RATS.

vote?

really?

what a sick game.

what a sick lie.

GOD SAVE THE RACIST QUEEN.

GOD SAVE THE LYING QUEEN.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.

queens and kings and riches and poverty.

why am i writing?

i am not a good nighttime writer.

i am much better in the morning.

hungover.

tired.

one sagging nut scraping the carpeted floor.

soft fluffy carpet.

stained carpets.

stained teeth.

stained sheets.

IT IS ALMOST HUMP DAY.

FUCKING HUMP DAY.

NATIONAL SONS DAY.

NATIONAL DAUGHTERS DAY.

NATIONAL DOG DAY.

NATIONAL?

NATIONALIST?

NATURE?

NATIONAL “SHUT THE FUCK UP DAY.”

HELP ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED.

please help.

please pray.

please do not be gay.

please…may i?

please.

pleasing.

people pleasing.

STOP!!!

WHY DIDN’T I SAY STOP???!!!

WILLPOWER.

knees sore.

feet sore.

my hopes sore as i stumble through life looking for my passion. looking for my fire. brief moments of fire are quickly replaced by dog walks and cutting grass.

6am wake up calls for a job that pays little and puts me further into debt. servicing multi million dollar homes that aren’t even being lived in. where do these people get their money?

i walked into an old dark home in the deep woods to turn on the customer’s sprinkler system timer. it was dark. house currently not occupied. million dollar home with a million dollar view. i walked downstairs, gingerly and fearfully, as i waited for a rat or mouse to jump onto my leg and start biting and clawing. i waited for a dead body to appear. the timer was in the basement cellar.

cold.

damp.

had a smell of oldness to it. i turned on the timer and waited for my partner, who was outside, to say “next” as he was checking the sprinkler system. as i sat and waited i thought of dying. i thought of death. i thought of murder. i wondered how many people had died in this old house. had anyone been murdered in this old house?

how many orgies?

how many abuses?

how many fun parties?

how many great moments had been had?

how much trauma?

how many tears?

good times and bad and then old age comes along and death soon appears.

THE TREE OF LIFE.

i looked into a separate cellar and saw old bottles of wine and old bottles of beer. really old. really creepy.

would the wine still be good?

i thought about trying one but these days cameras are everywhere. i, then, saw an old wooden statue of a black maid or gardener with big lips and beautiful breasts. i instantly became horny. i wanted to jerk off to her wooden tits. so nice. so firm. i thought hard and fought hard to stop the urge. my willpower won today. i didn’t jerk off. camera’s may have stopped me.

i made it home alive. ate dinner. drank some wine. jerked off. then went to bed.

the daily grind will continue tomorrow.

fake freedoms.

i jerked off for the third day in a row as i try to understand the continued conflict in gaza. so many experts on both sides trying to explain what seems straightforward and simple. was israel handed the occupied land the way that the whites were handed the lands of north america?

i no longer trust the media. we are being bombarded with misinformation and propaganda constantly. the US always has an agenda and then their powerful media blast the agendas on our screens over and over and over again. nobody says anything against the israeli people for fear of being labelled an anti-semite. similar to blacks, indigenous, and the lgbtq community. we are NOT able to have an opinion on issues related to these groups for fear of being branded a bigot or a racist. freedom of speech is being pushed by the wayside as fake movements and fake news are being pounded into us daily. CNN and FOX contributing to the divisiveness and anger. FOX and CNN contributing to fake agendas and fake information. citizens consuming daily lies and daily propaganda. the real thinkers and the real intellectuals get pushed away while celebrity puppets on tv become our heroes.

such a sad and pathetic country. usa. so backwards. so corrupt. so wrong in so many ways. governments and systems in place to keep the “capitalist machine” at the forefront while many of it’s citizens are desperate and poor. desperate for half decent paying jobs and a half decent life.

GREED.

WAR.

MURDERS.

RAPES.

POVERTY.

CONSTANT WAR.

CONSTANT MURDERS.

CONSTANT CRISIS.

MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS.

HOUSING CRISIS.

ECONOMIC CRISIS.

rich rats at the top are happy and revered by the peasants at the bottom.

STOP THE INSANITY.

THINK FOR YOURSELF.

maggots.

maggots.

maggots.

maga.

maga.

maga.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…really?????????